How to talk about new life plans (poly to mono)


New member

I was originally planning to have kids with my ex, we made all the preperations for it but instead we broke up. Now I find myself in a mono relationship with my boyfriend. We are happy, although our relationship feels a bit severed sine my ex left. It was always the understanding that I was having kids with my ex first, since we had planned kids a long time before bf came along. My bf of 4 years has been supportive of the idea that I should get pregnant - with my now ex. Obviously things are changing for us for many reasons, but with kids I find myself in a bit of a time rush, as I am approaching 40 in a few years.

If I was single, I would probably start planning to see a clinic to try to get pregnant. But I am not single!

If we had been in a mono relationship from the start, we would have simply talked about having kids the two of us - not me with a different man.

I feel at loss at how to deal with this. We obviously have to talk about it, but how? My bf is mourning my ex leaving, too. It is all very confusing. He did not see himself as a baby dad when my ex was in the picture, but he might now that we are mono. I am off hormonal bc (bf knows this). I feel weird talking about kids since it is related to the breakup. Bf did not bring up kids, although he wants to talk about the breakup because it confuses him (it confuses me too). I guess this all goes into the big pile of talking about our new life plans, for instance if we are going to get married. I dont know how to transition to being mono after doing poly for such a long time, and since I am continuing with the newest person there is no "before" poly life with him.