Hello all!
So this is my first experience with poly.
My husband and I swung (is that the right word?) with another married couple (L and S) a few weeks ago, and that event was bracketed by intense emotion on either side. Among the four of us excitement, nervousness, jealousy, lust, and communication abounded. It was so promising. Everyone was checking in with each other constantly, and we were all happy to be on this adventure together. Cue the sex.
Afterward, communication plummeted. Though I had a great conversation with L the next day, he was pretty silent after that. It was particularly stinging given how great he had communicated with me beforehand (mostly though phone and text). To make matters worse, my husband got swamped at work immediately after and told S he wouldn't be available to her for a few days. So both us ladies were feeling pretty rejected.
The nature of the relationships is this: My marriage is better than ever. Discussing poly has helped us work through TONS of issues in our marriage and with ourselves. Though it's been painful (and sometimes literally: my husband broke his hand punching a closet when I first broached the subject with him) we wouldn't change it for anything and would never go back to the way things were.
L and S are very close, almost co-dependent on each other. I don't use that label as a judgment; I think it's something they freely admit.
My husband and S have a FWB vibe going. They were *game* for this because of L and I, but genuinely like and respect each other and have had their own fun along the way.
L and I had a strong, immediate attraction to each other. We got caught up in the NRE, and forged a close emotional bond quickly.
In the aftermath of the bad post-sex communication, I tried to articulate to L that I needed to hear from him more often, and see him one-on-one occasionally. Though we had gone on one amazing date together before "the event", I started to get the sense that this was going to have to be a package deal with him and his wife and that he would not be available for a closer emotional relationship with me. To be fair, we had discussed what we wanted from this before and realized there may be some incompatibility, but we were blinded by the NRE, and brushed it aside.
So I broke things off with him last week when it became clear he could not meet my needs. After talking to his wife and trying to see his side of things, I decided to not be so rash and we decided to give it another shot. We were clearer with each other about what we wanted. However, I again got days of silence from him and I realized this truly wasn't going to be what I wanted, I broke it off again. Last night we had a very ugly exchange and now I'm very sad and confused. I know I made mistakes and am trying to figure out what it all means.
So, I'm starting to realize I'm in it for the emotional bond just as much, if not more than, the sex. I really want to learn from this experience, because I truly believe in polyamory and want to get better at it. It's been hard to switch from being in a relationship with one person to feeling like I'm in one with three. God, the exponential complications!
Basically, I feel humbled and enlightened and could truly use the support and wisdom of this community.
Thanks for listening.
So this is my first experience with poly.
My husband and I swung (is that the right word?) with another married couple (L and S) a few weeks ago, and that event was bracketed by intense emotion on either side. Among the four of us excitement, nervousness, jealousy, lust, and communication abounded. It was so promising. Everyone was checking in with each other constantly, and we were all happy to be on this adventure together. Cue the sex.
Afterward, communication plummeted. Though I had a great conversation with L the next day, he was pretty silent after that. It was particularly stinging given how great he had communicated with me beforehand (mostly though phone and text). To make matters worse, my husband got swamped at work immediately after and told S he wouldn't be available to her for a few days. So both us ladies were feeling pretty rejected.
The nature of the relationships is this: My marriage is better than ever. Discussing poly has helped us work through TONS of issues in our marriage and with ourselves. Though it's been painful (and sometimes literally: my husband broke his hand punching a closet when I first broached the subject with him) we wouldn't change it for anything and would never go back to the way things were.
L and S are very close, almost co-dependent on each other. I don't use that label as a judgment; I think it's something they freely admit.
My husband and S have a FWB vibe going. They were *game* for this because of L and I, but genuinely like and respect each other and have had their own fun along the way.
L and I had a strong, immediate attraction to each other. We got caught up in the NRE, and forged a close emotional bond quickly.
In the aftermath of the bad post-sex communication, I tried to articulate to L that I needed to hear from him more often, and see him one-on-one occasionally. Though we had gone on one amazing date together before "the event", I started to get the sense that this was going to have to be a package deal with him and his wife and that he would not be available for a closer emotional relationship with me. To be fair, we had discussed what we wanted from this before and realized there may be some incompatibility, but we were blinded by the NRE, and brushed it aside.
So I broke things off with him last week when it became clear he could not meet my needs. After talking to his wife and trying to see his side of things, I decided to not be so rash and we decided to give it another shot. We were clearer with each other about what we wanted. However, I again got days of silence from him and I realized this truly wasn't going to be what I wanted, I broke it off again. Last night we had a very ugly exchange and now I'm very sad and confused. I know I made mistakes and am trying to figure out what it all means.
So, I'm starting to realize I'm in it for the emotional bond just as much, if not more than, the sex. I really want to learn from this experience, because I truly believe in polyamory and want to get better at it. It's been hard to switch from being in a relationship with one person to feeling like I'm in one with three. God, the exponential complications!
Basically, I feel humbled and enlightened and could truly use the support and wisdom of this community.
Thanks for listening.