I feel awkward and lost, gay (?) wife

Glad you will look after the kids. I find that kids tend to not understand adult problems. They are children and may connect the dots wrong. They might blame themselves like they are the reason the family feels "off." And not even getting their own room to take a break/time out because the mom is in there all depressed all the time... That's not really fair on the kids.

It's not like they can move out away from the wacky on their own. And let y'all solve your things yourselves. The kids are kinda trapped there. :(

Did they SEE that bf abusing wife's GF when wife went over there with the kids? They may have seen/heard stuff over there that they don't understand or frightened them. Have you talked to them about it?

They weren't there long enough to see any of that. My one girl slept on their couch, my other girl on the floor. My girls have their own rooms at home. So nuts, I know.
They werent there long enough to see any of that. My one girl slept on their couch, my other girl on the floor. My girls have there own rooms at home.

Thank goodness for small favors, then.

Could the girls share a room so Mom gets a room to herself?

If Mom is totally checked out in deep depression, would it be better for her to go be checked out at a flat of her own, so the kids don't have to see/experience Mom this way, and won't have to see/experience any NEW wacky that might come?

Again, I urge you think about talking to a counselor if you can avail yourself. This is a LOT of stress for you.

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Internet people might be able to help you with 1 or 2 things, but with this many things going on I really think you could benefit from talking to a professional.

Very well said. There is a lot to fix in this situation and with kids involved, you should get professional help. Your kids aren't your wife's priority right now and someone should be making them the priority in your family.
Not to diagnose, but I have seen mothers, good friends and acquaintances, start acting in bizarre ways, messing up their parenting, totally changing in their personalities, and it turned out they had mental illness kicking in, bipolar or something else. This isn't really about polyamory... This seems like a medical condition, in my opinion. There are treatment options.