"I have principles"

vinsanity0

Active member
I received a notification that someone liked me on Tinder. This is what their profile said. Keep in mind I make it clear that I am non-monogamous.

"I have principles, if you are not real or ready to be faithful to one person please don’t like me. I need a real love again."

Saying they have principles suggests that people who don't think like her have none. What she has are preferences. The suggestion that one is not real or ready for relationships if one is not mono is a nice touch :rolleyes:

Sometimes I forget just how biased some people can be.
 

Noyse

Member
Reminds me how about 20% of the people who contact me on OKC state they're looking for single people.
 

Sentinel

New member
Ummm... my guess is that for every honest guy like you, there's 5 maybe 50 (I'm not in the market) that have little interest in loving her.

Options include no longer trying to date people that want 'The Full Disaster' wedding wise, negotiating your way through. or embracing the lower numbers but higher commitment strategy of meeting people in real life.

Personally, online stuff just seems hard ... others disagree, I guess.

Sentinel
 
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vinsanity0

Active member
Ummm... my guess is that for every honest guy like you, there's 5 maybe 50 (I'm not in the market) that have little interest in loving her.

Oh I'm sure that has a lot to do with it. At the same time there is a lot to be said for not being negative in one's personal ad. Even if I was seeking mono I would not
respond to someone so negative.

Tinder is pretty much a hookup sight. It's premise is very shallow. You accept or reject profiles based on looks. If one is on a mission for mono marriage there are probably better sites out there.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
Reminds me how about 20% of the people who contact me on OKC state they're looking for single people.
OKC now has a new policy that I think will render it useless for me. People can only see messages from people they have liked. That is great for women, but it means I'd have to like everyone in order to see who sent a message.
 

Nox

New member
OKC now has a new policy that I think will render it useless for me. People can only see messages from people they have liked. That is great for women, but it means I'd have to like everyone in order to see who sent a message.

That's not as bad as it sounds. All of these sites will insert people who like you into your review stream.

On your original comment, I have had a couple of those too. It makes me roll my eyes a bit that they had to take time out of their day to be (allegedly) morally superior.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Re:
"I have principles, if you are not real or ready to be faithful to one person please don't like me. I need a real love again."

Yeah, that is a little bit uppity. And if monogamy is so important to this person, you'd think they'd bother reading your profile before liking you. :rolleyes:
 

Ravenscroft

Banned
"I have principles."
Yah, more Monogamist bullshit. Phrased in such a way to infer that YOU aren't principled, though I suppose (a further conversation being unlikely) it'd be softened to more like how her principles are... well, more principled :rolleyes: than your own.

What I get from it is
I am weak & helpless, but because I am also morally superior, YOU are not just inferior but in fact a potential aggressor.
& she'll probably wind up with a manipulative abuser, but that's just my cynical guess (& life experience).
 

Atlantis

Active member
I agree with Ravenscroft's assessment.
 

anamikanon

New member
I may be a bit biased about Tinder, but my experience of it was horrible and narrow minded. At least in our area, it is full of men who are looking to be laid and have the most primitive ideas about women. It is like the distillation of every stupid stereotype.

Some examples:

Married man looking for single women. First he ignored the "committed relationship" part and considered me single because I am not married. Then he got all uptight when I asked him upfront whether he was dating women with the knowledge of his wife or cheating. Then he accused me of cheating on Spexy - because Spexy exists and I was on Tinder talking with a stranger who wanted to have sex with me - "same as him" apparently. At that point I lost interest.

Three matches began with a direct question on sexual preferences.

One asked when we meet before even saying "Hi"

One chap was confident that if I agreed to meet him, he could seduce me in half an hour flat, no matter how much I said I was sapiosexual, demisexual, etc. Did not understand that I didn't WANT to meet him to begin with. I sent him Wikipedia links. He vanished.

Some seemed decent but dead bores. How can a sapio trust someone who gets to the grand old age of 37 without having ANY subjects he has serious interest in?

Others assumed that poly = nympho. Or that Spexy was sexually inadequate. "If your man cannot satisfy your sex drive, just call me on this number"

LOTS of prudes. One told me "It is not right to want another partner when your Spexy loves you so much." Apparently my character was deficient in some way.

OKC seems a bit more sane. The questions do help weed out the unsuitables.

The lack of reliable info about a profile you are seeing on Tinder is, I think a bit of a clutter creating issue for people into more nuanced relationship choices.

Edit: Summary being... it is hard to be a woman on a dating site. I haven't heard as many tales from men about having to dodge creeps.
 
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vinsanity0

Active member
I'm not sure how one makes nuanced relationship choices by looking at profiles. I need to get to know someone, preferably in person. The only really obvious thing is women who are stating they are the hunt for their one true love or something like that. Obviously not a good fit for me.

I think what you are seeing is a lot of frustration on the part of men. When you are the umpteenth woman who rejects them they lash out. They don't stop to think about what they are doing wrong. Women don't seem to be as aggressive. Maybe because they can just sit there and pick and choose?
 

anamikanon

New member
I'm not sure how one makes nuanced relationship choices by looking at profiles.

My problem was that they were looking at photos and not reading the damn profile description or something. Or simply patronizing enough or arrogant enough to think that they were so irresistable that I'd want them even if they were the very opposite of what I was looking for.

I think what you are seeing is a lot of frustration on the part of men.

This is true. And particularly in India, which is a fairly sex repressed country overall. While there isn't so much obvious seggregation, mingling of genders for any more than superficial interaction remains rare outside the more upper class, privileged urban folks.

I have also spoken with young men who generally stand and pass comments and whistle at girls passing by. Their reasoning was brutally pragmatic. Any reaction is better than no attention at all. They don't see girls being interested unless they appear to be affluent, mostly because few girls will appreciated being approached by men they don't know.

It is a sad fact that doesn't look like it will change in a hurry. And it is a self fulfilling prophesy - because men can be so desperate that they are inconsiderate, women are warier.

When you are the umpteenth woman who rejects them they lash out. They don't stop to think about what they are doing wrong. Women don't seem to be as aggressive. Maybe because they can just sit there and pick and choose?

I suppose so. There must be hundreds of men for every woman interested in dating in our area. Most men I interacted with get maybe a match a month. On the other hand, anyone I showed an interest in was an instant match. On Tinder, I literally ended up with a few dozen people matched before I realized the javascript wasn't updating and I had matched with lots of people (thinking no one was interested) and was only seeing them when I refreshed the page.

On OKC, I have about a thousand likes - I can't see who they are, but chances are, if I like any profile shown, it will match. I have a dozen chats going that I check maybe once a day or less, and they are still interested (I'd have lost interest).

One fix I did find that helped was change the profile picture to something really random. NOT my real face, which the site tends to pull automatically from FB. Since doing that, I added about 200 likes in the time it earlier took me to get 1000. Depressing as that is, I call it improvement.
 
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