I think im not able to control jelousy

UNICORN324

New member
Hi all,

So I think this is going to be a long 1 but ill try not bore you...
RED = LONG BOYFRIEND
BLUE = NEW BOYFRIEND

So here goes... This weekend where i live was a long weekend and we had a bank holiday. My bf RED left to go camping with his mates (I knew what would be involved) They usually would Take MDMA and have sex and that part was fine... (i will come back to this). The same night BLUE stayed with me and the night prior we all hung out and slept together just cuddled is all.

So Myself and BLUE had a really nice time i met his family and they liked me and i was just really happy to spend time with one of the boys I love and becoming a deeper part of his life. We got food we played games we joked and had GREEN and had sex hehe. it was so nice to connect with him like this and we both enjoy our time together.

RED as i said was camping with his BFF their boyfriend and their housemate (only mentioning ones involved). So as mention i know what was involved and usually he will have sex with the others.

now on the side with RED we have and open relationships with certain rules:
1st. condoms must be worn.

2nd. No anal for him unless its me (his rule).

3rd. no one can CUM in him, unless it become more regular & I ok it.

well 2 of those did not get followed 1 & 3. Now he was stern with Rule #2 and i'm happy bout this.

The issue i have was the guy he slept with i only know him as long as he does and i dont have this comfortable feeling that i trust him enough yet but the fact that he came in him was the part that really hurt. none of them brought condoms so i can look over that but at least pull out. Even though for me he says if i sleep with anyone outside the relationship i must wear a condom and i do but he can have sex and allow the guy to cum in him. He always says he loves being creampied cause he calls himself a whore but I have made him aware how i felt and last night it was an explosion of emotion.

I could see he felt my pain when he saw me crying and i said i know its me not controlling m jelosuy. So I have to deal with it knowing he'll be seeing him more and that he will be sleeping with him more or less once a week when ever he visits his BFF which is one time a week.

I'm hoping maybe once we can both be involved in it with him from a sex stand point. That would help me I think.

If anyone has any tips or helpful suggestions. Also feel free to Private message me

Xxx love you all
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
Let me repeat back what I understand in my own words to be sure I get it right.

So on a camping trip, there was your boyfriend of four months Red, Red's best friend, the best friend's boyfriend, and their housemate. The plan was to do MDMA and share sex/group sex. You were fine with the plan.
You and your long term boyfriend Red have these agreements when it comes to you and Red sharing sex with other people.
  • 1st. condoms must be worn.
  • 2nd. No anal for him unless its with you (his rule).
  • 3rd. no one can CUM in him, unless it become more regular & you ok it.
Red came home and it turns out he didn't use condoms and he let one of these people ejaculate inside him. Because "He always says he loves being creampied cause he calls himself a whore."
You are upset. Because you keep agreements and use condoms when you share sex with other people. But Red doesn't.
So why have these agreements then?

Is that about it?

I could see he felt my pain when he saw me crying and i said i know its me not controlling m jelosuy.

I don't think you are jealous like you have something you are afraid this Dude is gonna take away from you.

To me you sound angry at Red for not keeping agreements he made with you. Angry he was putting his pleasure above your sex health hygiene/safety for all that he says he loves you/cares about you.

You blew up. Maybe not the most graceful thing in the world, but it sounds like honest anger and you expressing how you feel.

So when Red could see the consequences of his actions (you being upset, in pain, angry)... Why is that not ok for him to see? Why say its all on you because you aren't controlling your jealousy? Isn't sex health hygiene with Red a shared responsibility? If he's not holding up his end of the stick? I think you have to change some things.

I do not think you sharing sex with X too is the answer. If both Red and X are up for sharing fluids, and you aren't? Then it's about condom use and who is responsible.

Because if Red won't wear a condom consistently and you don't want to be fluid bonded with other people through him? You could take the responsibility for your own sex health hygiene and change the agreements.

  • 1st. condoms must be worn with YOU
  • 2nd. No anal for him unless its you (his rule). <-- this isn't really a rule about your sex health hygiene. That's a preference Red has -- to top only you. And it might change. So I grey it out.
  • 3rd. no one can CUM in him, unless it become more regular & I ok it. <-- This is a wonky agreement that puts your health (if you are fluid bonded with Red) and Red's health (if he fluid bonds with others) in the hands of some other person. And then you policing some other person's penis and what it does. They aren't gonna like that. So I grey it out as not realistic.
  • You will wait ______ before becoming fluid bonded with someone. (The experience with Red might make it so you reconsider how long you wait. )

YOU always use condoms when sharing sex with Red. That is something YOU can control and be responsible for. And if Red doesn't want to use a condom with you? You say "No, thanks then" and skip sharing sex with Red. You are in charge of your body and how you share it with people.

Rather than passing the responsibility for your well being to Red... where he's supposed to use condoms and not share fluids with others to help protect your health.

And then he passes the responsibility for your health to the lover who may or may not be able to pull out in time. Or even know they are supposed to if Red's going around saying things like "I love being creampied, I'm a whore."

Again, to me you sound angry + disappointed Red didn't keep agreements and consider you and that Red put your health at risk. Not jealous.

I think the agreements could change to something more keepable.

But I could be wrong.

HTH!

Galagirl
 
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GalaGirl

Well-known member
Well.. then I suggest you make agreements with yourself and always use condoms with Red if you are going to continue with him.

Galagir
 
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kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi Unicorn,

If Red is going to break his agreements with you, I think you should be jealous. There are times when jealousy is an internal warning system, alerting you to the fact that you aren't being treated well. At such times, the thing to do is not to *control* your jealousy, but rather, to *listen* to it.

In this case, your jealousy is trying to tell you that you can't trust Red. You'll have to decide whether that's absolutely true, but at the very least, Red needs to apologize, make amends, and resolve to do better by you in the future. Then you could decide whether you could trust him again.

I'm sorry you're going through this.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 

UNICORN324

New member
Red needs to apologize, make amends, and resolve to do better by you in the future. Then you could decide whether you could trust him again.
Hey Kevin, he has apologized and we have talked it out but I warned him next time I'd be very upset since this guy has done it and I'm friendly enough with I'm allowing it with him, but with others he has been warned and I trust him
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Trust is a big deal, when you are trusting someone, you are entrusting them with your very soul. I hope Red does right by you next time.
 
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