Polyamory
I gave a brief introduction in that section, but here are more details about the "open" part of things.
My boyfriend and I have decided to sexually open our relationship. For now, I am not comfortable with the idea of truly being polyamorous and having other emotional relationships.
We have begun to lay down some rules, which I suspect are very general. I would love advice on what else to consider. Here is what we have come up with:
1. Complete honesty. The other must be willing to give as little or as much detail as they are asked to give.
2. Pre-meeting updates. Starting out, we have decided to give step-by-step updates (when possible) about our process. For him, that means letting me know if he plans to go out looking for a girl. For me, that means updates on emails I send to potential women, meetings we plan, etc.
3. No hooking up with exes or mutual friends.
4. No bringing someone back to what is "our" bed.
5. Condoms must be used.
That is about it as far as general rules go, so far.
He has asked that if any toys are used, that they be smaller than "he" is.
We have agreed to have a talk and reevaluate after we have our initial encounters. As far as whether this will be something we will continue when we are together, that will have to be reevaluated, too. Everything is fluid and open for discussion, to be reevaluated and changed, if needed.
I am worried that I will become horribly jealous, but mostly I really want him to go out and find someone. My fear of being hurt is greatly outweighed by my desire for him to pursue this.
We have decided that he can pursue other women, but have limited me away from men. I know that to some this will seem unfair, but it doesn't bother me. When I proposed this to my boyfriend, I had no interest in participating myself. I just wanted this option to be open for him, and perhaps as a road into a threesome later.
The reason I am not pursuing men is more than just his feelings. I love men. I am certainly straight. But one-night stands have never done it for me. I am never satisfied, so the potential benefits do not exist for me. I am very Type-A. I am in my head a lot. This makes it difficult for me to really be in the moment with a stranger. I have had quite a few random hook-ups, and I know that is not what I want.
My boyfriend instead suggested that I look for a girl who could be both a friend and a sexual relief. My two good friends left the city this past summer, so my social life is essentially non-existent. I have no experience with women, but it is something that I have wanted to experience. So he told me I should find a girl that can fulfill me in all of those ways. At the moment, I am not sure where to really look. I have trolled Craigslist a little bit, but feel as though that is so trashy and sketchy, even though there seem to be a few girls who are looking for a kind of friends with benefits situation as I am. I am not sure how to make this come about naturally.
Anyway, we are both extremely excited by the ideas of what this can bring for us, and how this can further and enhance our relationship. I can definitely see how these kind of conversations and the willingness to give your partner what they need, even if it means it is from other people, can make you closer as a couple. That is what I am hoping for.
I would really appreciate any viewpoints or advice on my situation. Also, ideas on how I could begin to meet women would be great too. Thank you in advance.
My boyfriend and I have decided to sexually open our relationship. For now, I am not comfortable with the idea of truly being polyamorous and having other emotional relationships.
We have begun to lay down some rules, which I suspect are very general. I would love advice on what else to consider. Here is what we have come up with:
1. Complete honesty. The other must be willing to give as little or as much detail as they are asked to give.
2. Pre-meeting updates. Starting out, we have decided to give step-by-step updates (when possible) about our process. For him, that means letting me know if he plans to go out looking for a girl. For me, that means updates on emails I send to potential women, meetings we plan, etc.
3. No hooking up with exes or mutual friends.
4. No bringing someone back to what is "our" bed.
5. Condoms must be used.
That is about it as far as general rules go, so far.
He has asked that if any toys are used, that they be smaller than "he" is.
We have agreed to have a talk and reevaluate after we have our initial encounters. As far as whether this will be something we will continue when we are together, that will have to be reevaluated, too. Everything is fluid and open for discussion, to be reevaluated and changed, if needed.
I am worried that I will become horribly jealous, but mostly I really want him to go out and find someone. My fear of being hurt is greatly outweighed by my desire for him to pursue this.
We have decided that he can pursue other women, but have limited me away from men. I know that to some this will seem unfair, but it doesn't bother me. When I proposed this to my boyfriend, I had no interest in participating myself. I just wanted this option to be open for him, and perhaps as a road into a threesome later.
The reason I am not pursuing men is more than just his feelings. I love men. I am certainly straight. But one-night stands have never done it for me. I am never satisfied, so the potential benefits do not exist for me. I am very Type-A. I am in my head a lot. This makes it difficult for me to really be in the moment with a stranger. I have had quite a few random hook-ups, and I know that is not what I want.
My boyfriend instead suggested that I look for a girl who could be both a friend and a sexual relief. My two good friends left the city this past summer, so my social life is essentially non-existent. I have no experience with women, but it is something that I have wanted to experience. So he told me I should find a girl that can fulfill me in all of those ways. At the moment, I am not sure where to really look. I have trolled Craigslist a little bit, but feel as though that is so trashy and sketchy, even though there seem to be a few girls who are looking for a kind of friends with benefits situation as I am. I am not sure how to make this come about naturally.
Anyway, we are both extremely excited by the ideas of what this can bring for us, and how this can further and enhance our relationship. I can definitely see how these kind of conversations and the willingness to give your partner what they need, even if it means it is from other people, can make you closer as a couple. That is what I am hoping for.
I would really appreciate any viewpoints or advice on my situation. Also, ideas on how I could begin to meet women would be great too. Thank you in advance.