in need of advice - financial issues

Vinccenzo

New member
I can't wrap my head around how she thought this would go her way. Amateur con or absolute nutjob I can't tell but I'm glad you got it sorted out. I hope your hearts don't miss her for too long as I can only imagine the feelings that had developed to have you try to integrate in the first place. :(
 

polygirl4347

New member
Hey I just wanted to quickly update y'all since you've been so helpful to us with this situation...she did leave that night and we have been scrambling to close debit and credit cards. I guess she tried to use the cards and found out she was SOL and has been texting and trying to call my husband nonstop saying I was lying about her and she loves him more than I do and he needs to get rid of "dead weight", meaning me. Turns out she has been telling him for 2 months that I didn't love him anymore and was planning to leave him. She is now proclaiming she is indeed pregnant and my husband told her to come over and take a pregnancy test to prove it and if she is, she can stay until she has it, but as a tenant renting a room, not romantically. And it has been radio silence since. I feel like she is plotting...its just so surreal.

I am just shocked that she would behave this way...we included her in everything and truely loved her and never once treated her like she was an outsider...I just don't even know what to say...I am heartbroken.

Thank you all for all your advice, it is truely appreciated.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Jeezus, I hope she's just bluffing when she says she's pregnant. To think she got her foot far enough in the door to even be able to make that claim ... [shudders anew]

It's also a BFD that she was telling your husband you don't love him anymore and are planning to leave him. Gads! If that doesn't prove she's a wolf in sheep's clothing I don't know what does.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I say that from the heart; I've been conned myself a couple of times by women pretending to be interested in me (as a person, :rolleyes:). Let's just say my sincerity was 100% and that's what made it hurt so much when it all went up in smoke and ashes.

Don't let it make you become bitter and lose your faith in humanity. I firmly believe that most people are good people, and that there are people out there who will prove that they really love you. Just have to be patient, and get over this current heartbreak.

Many, many sympathies,
Kevin T.
 

Vinccenzo

New member
Is she saying he's been hearing from her that she loves him more and that he should leave you for two months or has he been sitting on that nugget and just decided to share?
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Oh hells, not the latter I hope ... :(
 

polygirl4347

New member
He told me last night that for 2 months she has been telling him that I don't love him anymore and was planning on leaving him. He said he didn't say anything because he was worried that I really did feel that way and he was afraid to say anything to me in case it would make me leave sooner.

But since we put her out, she's been texting him and saying that she loves him more than I do, ever did, and he needs to dump me.

As we are still discussing things that has happened and things she has done and said, the red flags and manipulations are fairly obvious.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
I guess I'm still relieved. She obviously set out to destroy your marriage, but in the end I think she only did minor damage. Just need to stitch up any tears in your trust for each other. This ordeal should tell your husband that he can trust you in the future, and hopefully you'll still trust him in spite of his ... lapse of good judgment. He really should have come to you with that info right away, not sat on it for two months. But maybe he knows that now.

Could have been a lot worse, that's the one comforting thing we can say at this point. I think you'll be okay.
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
I wouldn't attempt a triad type situation again until your husband learns to trust you.

I also would not move strange women into your home again .
 

ClockworkDragon

New member
The good thing to come out of this is clearly you and your husband need to work on your communication. A con artist like her relies on someone not talking to the other; she wouldn't have been able to put doubt in your husband's mind for two months if he was in the habit of talking to you about this sort of thing. And if you hadn't kept your concerns to yourself for so long, perhaps she might not have been able to get between you even the slightest. You're both in need of some work on talking to the other!

Use this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship and communication.
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
Apparently they were so twitterpated that they couldn't see that they brought a manipulative cowgirl hellbent on breaking up their marriage Into their home. Of course they couldn't see the red flags waving in front of their face.

I sincerely hope the Op and her husband don't have children they exposed to this woman.

God knows what fucked up messages she would have fed children.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Yep ... there's some con artists out there that are reeeally really good at what they do.
 

polygirl4347

New member
After us dating her for over a year, I really believed we knew her. I really believed she loved us. We did not take her moving in with us in our home and marriage lightly. He and I discussed it for a few months and all three discussed it for several weeks. This was a very big decision that he and I made together to invite her in and then a bigger decision for all three of us made together to actually move in.

But now that is neither here nor there because now she is pregnant. She took a home pregnancy test at our house today. Of course I am taking her to the Dr tomorrow to confirm it. So if it is confirmed, she will be moving back in until she gives birth. And she is positively giddy about it. My husband has been working since the news broke in the spare bedroom to put a TV, cable box, DVD player, telephone and computer in her new room so she will have everything she needs to be comfortable. He's cleaned out the closet full of his junk so she doesn't have anything of hers in our bedroom. And given her the spare bathroom. He also has put a heavy duty lock on our bedroom door and she will not be allowed in our room. He also is drawing up a lease on how much and when she will pay rent. We are surprisingly calm durning all this...I think it will change with news from tomorrow.

We'll see...
 

ClockworkDragon

New member
Genuine question: Why are you letting her move back in? I understand supporting her, but pregnancy (if real) is NOT a disability for most people. She has proven herself unworthy of trust, and letting her back in your home is not a good idea. If she moves in, she will remain moved in. It won't change after she gives birth. Your husband will of course have to honor his obligation, but that can be dealt with through custody agreements and child support. Not letting her in the house after she's proven herself to be a menace.
 
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Inyourendo

New member
I wouldn't let he move in. If she is indeed pregnant then that would mean after the baby is born you guys will have to pay child support if you don't share 50/50 custody but you certainly don't need her living with you. She's proven to be toxic
 

polygirl4347

New member
I agree that it is incredibly stupid. But he feels like he is responsible to take care of her while she is pregnant with his baby. If she really is pregnant. I told him she could stay with friends or even stay in a motel that i would happily pay for during all of this and he refuses. I believe it is because this will be his first child and he doesn't want to miss any of the important things coming up. I understand that. And he did tell me if she caused any more trouble she would have to find somewhere else to stay.

This is probably really hard on him. He's wanted kids for 15 years and now here is his chance...I understand why he wants to take care of her. Its so she will take care of his baby...
 

PolyinPractice

New member
I am just shocked that she would behave this way...we included her in everything and truely loved her and never once treated her like she was an outsider...I just don't even know what to say...I am heartbroken.

Truly, if someone is not mentally sound, there is nothing at all you can do. You can shut yourselves off from everyone, but, saving that, you cannot stop yourself from being hurt and heartbroken sometimes.

It sucks, but hopefully you'll be able to learn to let yourself trust again?
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
I am sorry you struggle. :(

I agree that it is incredibly stupid. But he feels like he is responsible to take care of her while she is pregnant with his baby.

He is not able to provide help without her moving in?

I get there is a doc appointment first and you are still forming a plan... Make sure she is pregnant, it is his, etc.

And he did tell me if she caused any more trouble she would have to find somewhere else to stay.

I suggest you guys clarify those boundaries...what is "trouble?" What if there is no trouble but struggle? If you struggle, if she struggles, if he does... What situations pull the plug on cohabiting in three? And what is the plan after the birth? He has sole custody? Because as it stands that is vague.

If you are troubled by this proposed arrangement, that is not a reason to have her live elsewhere?

I suggest since you are having to close and clean up accounts that you maintain at least one that is all yours. List him as beneficiary if you like but not as a joint holder. Just in case new crazy arrives and YOU need to bail this household so you can set up elsewhere in peace.

What a mess. :(

Galagirl
 
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opalescent

Active member
Two words - paternity test. Like now. Assuming she is really pregnant, that doesn't mean the baby is his.

And did you watch her pee on the stick? Or was she in another room while you waited? So convenient she is pregnant now that things have gone badly for her.

And do not move her back in even if the baby turns out to be his. Your marriage will not survive.
 
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