All it took was an apology.
And it made all the difference in the world.
DAG has been with his mother in another state for almost 2 months. I traveled to see him and stayed with him for a week. It's been tough, but we've been doing very well with communicating with texts, phone calls and video chats. As with any illness, I hope his mom gets better soon for her own sake, so she can continue with her life in a healthy state.
Over the weekend, I had a couple of significant conversations with DAG about his behavior, my feelings and observations based on That Most Recent Unpleasantness. So to the above apology. DAG finally apologized for his behavior regarding my wanting to miss Thanksgiving 2019 with his partners. He now sees that he should have placed my needs ahead of his concerns regarding that event. Specifically, he was concerned that my dropping out of the festivities would negatively affect Bruiser's and Fisticuff's planning of the big dinner. Seriously, to him, his concern about their planning outweighed me not wanting to attend.
That's why he harassed me into going. Let that sink in.
I accepted his apology with a huge sense of relief. I finally let the last remaining resentment go. All that remaining animus towards him is now gone. I am happy that he acknowledged on his own that he made a mistake and is willing to own up to it. That means so much to me. I could have asked for an apology, but I don't think it would have the same impact as him recognizing it himself and apologizing (which is why I didn't ask for it. He needed to acknowledge it himself, no matter how long it took).
One other item of note towards DAG. I have noticed a huge change in his attitude/approach to life recently. Even with his mom's health situation, he has been relatively calm, especially compared to when he was with B and FC. I spoke to him about this and he agreed. He stated that when he was with them, he was relying on me to be his anchor. Since I was having problems with him dating outside our marriage, he felt he couldn't rely on me. By anchor, he meant someone he could confide in with relationship issues he might have with B and/or FC.
THAT WASN'T HAPPENING!!!! I did not sign up for that. His issues needed to be handled with them, not me. He and I have our own relationship issues to resolve. I don't need the added stress of listening to his bullshit with them. I told him so over the weekend, and he understood.
Anyway, that's why he was so wound up during that Most Recent Unpleasantness, because he didn't feel he had a solid go-to for his other relationships. He was really hard to deal with in that state of agitation. So much so that I considered separation or divorce a couple of times. Seriously, he was that bad (granted, I was no picnic either). Since those relationships were suspended, he began to relax (if he can truly do that) and focus on the other priorities in his life, like adoption and decorating the house.
Speaking of adoption, DAG and I completed the required training and are ready to begin the application process. We haven't started it yet, since we are apart. At this point, not sure when we'll be able to complete the application, but at least we made it this far. I feel very comfortable in adopting with DAG. He and I have the same ideas in child-rearing and we talk quite a bit about it. I am nervous, scared and excited all at the same time. Which is a good thing, in my thinking.
Related to that, Teach went on a tangent with me yesterday. DAG told Teach that we had completed our training and we would soon start the application process. That information brought up some not-so-good feelings in Teach, as he feels he was misled by me when I asked him what he thought of being in a triad with me and DAG. Please note, I only brought it up as a trial balloon. I did not bring it up as an invite or any kind of offer. Also, when I did mention it, he immediately shot it down, as he thought DAG and I already had our agreements in place and we were married, which, to him, brings on another layer of bureaucracy. So by him shooting it down, I immediately shut down that discussion point and never brought it up again. However, for some reason, he feels as if I led him on intentionally (that was not my intent). I told him I regret bringing it up in the first place. I won't apologize, as I feel I did nothing wrong. So when DAG mentioned getting the adoption certificate, it brought up all those feelings Teach had regarding a triad. We ironed it out last night, but it's still a sore point with him.
What a great way to start a week! I love typing up these types of posts. Positive, but with some drama involved to give it some realism lol.
More to come!