It frustrates me that I might never find a boyfriend?

GalaGirl

Well-known member
I'm sorry you are frustrated.

I do not get the rating thing though. Who is rating you and where?

Where do you socialize and get out to meet people at this time?

How are your social skills at this time?

What's your hygiene / presentation like?

We all come how we do. And we don't really control what people are most attracted to initially. If people have a thing for tall people, they notice them first then. If they like redheads, they notice them first then. But it doesn't mean they are blind to everyone else.

One could make the most of what they've been naturally blessed with, work to present neat and clean, develop social skills and be friendly, etc.

Galagirl
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello Ilovecolors,

I'm very sorry that you are having this frustrating experience. For what it's worth, my observation has been that people are initially attracted by looks (and what counts as beauty to one person, is different from what counts as beauty to another), but eventually people are attracted by personality. I have found this to be true about myself, as I get to know someone more and more, their personality starts having more and more effect on how "easy on the eyes" they are. I have found that someone can be a knockout in the beginning, but if they have a foul personality, it's not long before their face causes me to cringe.

Don't give up.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 

TXretired

Active member
I am sorry you are having difficulty. My wife has been searching for a year and a half. She found a keeper, then he got transferred 800 miles. She gets discouraged..sometimes she thinks about just giving it up. I am glad she keeps trying. There are positive folks out there.
 

Ilovecolors

New member
Hello Ilovecolors,

I'm very sorry that you are having this frustrating experience. For what it's worth, my observation has been that people are initially attracted by looks (and what counts as beauty to one person, is different from what counts as beauty to another), but eventually people are attracted by personality. I have found this to be true about myself, as I get to know someone more and more, their personality starts having more and more effect on how "easy on the eyes" they are. I have found that someone can be a knockout in the beginning, but if they have a foul personality, it's not long before their face causes me to cringe.

Don't give up.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
This is not just about looks it's about me being frustrated that I might never find a boyfriend.
 

Ilovecolors

New member
I'm sorry you are frustrated.

I do not get the rating thing though. Who is rating you and where?

Where do you socialize and get out to meet people at this time?

How are your social skills at this time?

What's your hygiene / presentation like?

We all come how we do. And we don't really control what people are most attracted to initially. If people have a thing for tall people, they notice them first then. If they like redheads, they notice them first then. But it doesn't mean they are blind to everyone else.

One could make the most of what they've been naturally blessed with, work to present neat and clean, develop social skills and be friendly, etc.

Galagirl
There are not many places in the area I live in that you socialize and meet prople.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Never is quite a long time. Are you catastrophizing? That's a thought process that can feed frustration. You brought up the notion of rating and again, this sounds like it's risking becoming a negative affirmation that feeds into the feeling of being frustrated. It's disempowering. It may be worth counteracting that with positive affirmations, especially if you didn't get a lot of positive affirmations growing up. Even if you did, it can be powerful to remind yourself daily of your strengths.
 

Ilovecolors

New member
Never is quite a long time. Are you catastrophizing? That's a thought process that can feed frustration. You brought up the notion of rating and again, this sounds like it's risking becoming a negative affirmation that feeds into the feeling of being frustrated. It's disempowering. It may be worth counteracting that with positive affirmations, especially if you didn't get a lot of positive affirmations growing up. Even if you did, it can be powerful to remind yourself daily of your strengths.
This not just about looks or ratings this is about be frustrated about never getting a boyfriend too.
 

PinkPig

Well-known member
The thing about negative beliefs about ourselves and the world, is we subconsciously seek out people and experiences that reinforce those beliefs. In doing so, we may actually manifest them and turn them into reality. Ie, I believe I'll never have a boyfriend so I do things that reinforce that and, in doing so, I make it become reality.

On the other hand, if we instead focus on living our best lives, practicing gratitude for what we have, and cultivating the traits we want, then it will improve our circumstances. No, we may never be pretty, but we can make ourselves attractive to others by first loving and accepting ourselves as we are... then that confidence will become attractive to others. I know it isn't as simple as I make it sound, and it isn't a guarantee that you'll get what you want, but it's a place to start.
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
This not just about looks or ratings this is about be frustrated about never getting a boyfriend too.
I directly addressed the feelings of frustration and how your thoughts might be perpetuating those feelings.
 

MeeraReed

Well-known member
OP, can I ask how old you are?
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi Ilovecolors,

I am hearing you say that your chances of finding a boyfriend are poor, or at least you are afraid that they're poor, and that is a frustrating feeling. Am I on the right track?

When you want a boyfriend and you can't find one, that is a frustrating feeling. I can't know what you're going through, but I do relate to the frustration, I experienced it on OKCupid in 2008. It made me feel like there was something wrong with me; does that make sense?

What are some of the things that make finding a boyfriend unlikely?
Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
There are not many places in the area I live in that you socialize and meet prople.

Well, what is your age? What might you be willing to change?

Have you tried meeting people online? Is that what the poor ratings is from? If you have bad pix on your profile, could you benefit from better taken or even professional pix?

Later on after saving some money... might you be willing to move to a better area?

Galagirl
 
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AlwaysGrowing

Well-known member
This not just about looks or ratings this is about be frustrated about never getting a boyfriend too.
Then why bring up a rating? Others have asked why you have such a low opinion of yourself for a reason. Your self esteem impacts your dating life.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
People with all kinds of looks attract partners and maintain successful relationships. Even if you are in a wheelchair with facial anomalies (for example, or some other kinds of handicaps) you could find a boyfriend who places more importance on shared interests and a fascinating personality than on looks.

If you live in a small town with few dating prospects, go online and find a place that pertains to your interests. Meet people, men and women, who are into the things you are into. Network. You have to make an effort to be a friend before you will find a friend, or a boyfriend.
 
Seems this society is more and more obsessed with unnatural beauty that it’s the only thing that matters anymore. I see dating profiles from women and men along the lines of “must have a chiseled chest , had to be 6ft tall, must have blue eyes and so forth”

Some mens profiles .”must be skinny, must be (choose hair color) must be 5 ft or less… you get the point

We all understand physical attraction is important I won’t deny that at all , we like what we like but it seems if someone doesn’t fit those “wish lists” exactly than the rest doesn’t matter

I am NOT making a judgment call what so ever im just going to say I see posts like this all the time too. Either self deprecating “I’m so ugly no one wants me” OR…. “Who thinks I’m hot, who wants to chat with a hot girl” posts
 
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