LDR: Finally meeting!

Castress

New member
So, I have been dating this person for about a month and a half now. We live across country from each other and I am taking the leap to fly out to meet him and his girlfriend. We are both poly and both have primary partners. I will be meeting both him and his primary at the same time. I am not sure how much alone time we will have together and I am just so happy to finally have a chance to meet in person.

I am really very nervous as I have always have had a mono-poly relationship. Just recently, within the past year have we opened up.(primary and I) And I have dated mostly mono people who knew I was poly, and were okay with that.

I've made it a point to spend as much time this week with my primary as possible, making sure he knows I love him. Going out on dates and just spending time. (And bug him because I can!) Because this is the first trip we are not taking together!

So anyway, I am nervous as EVERYTHING about this is so new. We relate to each other very well. We have very similar values and relationship beliefs and such. (I don't actually know what to call that!) I've never flown out before, and I have never dated another poly person outside of my primary. So, any advice (or encouragement ;) ) would be great!

I am just a ball of anxious nerves right now. My trip is on Friday!

And sorry about this jumbled mess of a post!
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi Castress,

Do you have any agreements in place with your primary as to what amount of physical interaction (kissing? petting? sex?) will possibly happen between you and the LDR man? Even if you don't think anything will happen, it's a good idea to discuss it with your primary just in case.

It sounds like an exciting trip! :) I'm happy for you to be able to get this chance.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 

Castress

New member
@nycindie I do! I have emergency transportation as backup, I have tacker on my phone. I have the address where I will be and who I will be with, and when. I have backups on my backups with backups. (I get super nervous!)

We have only been dating for a little over a month but I have known the person for over a year. There will also be other friends that I have known for much longer meeting up as well. It's very exciting and at the same time very nerve racking!


@kdt26417 I do have some rules set! But it's mostly rules set by his primary, and I am okay with that. There really could be no interaction in the romantic department and I would be fine with that. Simply because it's our first physical meeting. I guess, not so simply, but.. I think you get the point.

Yes! Very exciting! I am going to a new state! (I want to travel to all of them before traveling to other countries again. I have half done so far!)
 

Norwegianpoly

New member
Safety? That is very pessimistic. I had no backup plans when I went to visit my long distance boyfriend, although I had never been in that city (and only once in that country). I just brought my credit card in case I didn't get along with his flatmates and we would have to find a hotel room. Apart from that, no adress, no nothing beyond his name . Turned out a great experience and we are still together, 2 years and lots of visits later.
 

Castress

New member
I am a little more cautious. I think that is a good thing. It allows me to not stress if something unexpected happens.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Sure it's unlikely that anything very bad will happen; we don't take precautions because something is likely, but rather because it's possible. I've never needed the seatbelts I wear in a car, but I wear them anyway. So Castress, I think you're doing the right thing.
 

Castress

New member
So, I am finally back from my trip and well enough that I can post.

First off the trip was horrible! However, the meeting was amazing. I enjoy the company I was able to get and it was great meeting my partners other partner. We are already planning another trip which will hopefully go much better than the last one! I am wanting more quality time, but who knows what will happen.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Sounds like the most important part of your trip went pretty well. :)
 

Castress

New member
So, I know I have been absent from the forums. Sorry about that!


I just wanted to update on the LDR. It has not been working out and it is barely holding onto the last thread. The good communication ceased a little after the last time I had posted on this forum. Me and this partner didn't speak for 4 months. Leaving me to wonder what had happened or what I had done wrong. I was bitter about how the trip went, it was really just that bad. Anyway, my partner didn't even bother to msg me on holidays. As of last month (December) I had invited the person to my birthday. They were a no show with no line of communication. Not so much as a Happy Birthday. At this point in my mind, we were over. I had finally had enough and took them off of everything, deleted their number from my phone. Took them off messengers etc.

Well, without notice they show up in my state wanting to meet. Telling me how much they had missed me. I traveled the distance to go meet up with them. (Yes it was me meeting them and not vice versa) I was obviously very unhappy. I let them know how I felt and everything. However this partner, at least I feel like, tried to guilt trip me. Using the excuse for not contacting me because they were working with no phone or time. (It's really not a good excuse for 4 months of the same thing) They said they gave up everything to move to where I live and work there for a few months.

So... I feel bad, but I had already decided it was over. I have strong feelings for the person but what they did is really inexcusable and I am not sure what to do.

I had JUST finally got over everything. I had moved on and actually got asked out by a great guy. So I have a lot of mixed emotions. Pissed, sad, confused, guilty and to top that off all the good emotions of a new relationship! And this one actually lives fairly close to me!

Advice is welcome, it's more of just me ranting I suppose and updating the thread on how my love life has been so far with this one partner.

Anyway, that's how life has been. Heh..
 

Leetah

Member
I think moving on is the right thing to do. Someone who falls out of contact for 4 months with no notice or explanation? Then just shows up claiming to have moved for the sake of the relationship (even if temporarily)? Something pretty weird is going on with them that you are better off staying out of.

Leetah
 

Castress

New member
I think moving on is the right thing to do. Someone who falls out of contact for 4 months with no notice or explanation? Then just shows up claiming to have moved for the sake of the relationship (even if temporarily)? Something pretty weird is going on with them that you are better off staying out of.

Leetah

That's exactly how I feel. Thank you for the input! I really do appreciate it.
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
They have shown you EXACTLY where you stand in their life. You are an option to be strung along just in case in their eyes.

I would move on. Cut contact and enjoy your new relationship!
 

Castress

New member
They have shown you EXACTLY where you stand in their life. You are an option to be strung along just in case in their eyes.

I would move on. Cut contact and enjoy your new relationship!

I think you are right! Now it's just figuring out if I just should stop talking them all together or wait until they come back here to do it in person.
 

Memorandum

New member
Stop talking altogether if you can, screw waiting from them to do it in person.

Also it's a red flag to me, about them showing up in your state after zilch in the communication department. That seems pretty damn stalkerish and I'd keep an eye out for any more of that kind of behavior. If they want to drop the "I _____ for you" lines, don't even dignify that with a response. It's just bait, they knew what they were doing.
They shouldn't have been basing major actions around you anyways, ghosting like that. Four months? Yeah, fuck that mess. Enjoy your new relationship :).
 

Castress

New member
Stop talking altogether if you can, screw waiting from them to do it in person.

Also it's a red flag to me, about them showing up in your state after zilch in the communication department. That seems pretty damn stalkerish and I'd keep an eye out for any more of that kind of behavior. If they want to drop the "I _____ for you" lines, don't even dignify that with a response. It's just bait, they knew what they were doing.
They shouldn't have been basing major actions around you anyways, ghosting like that. Four months? Yeah, fuck that mess. Enjoy your new relationship :).

Soooo just not say anything and just cut communication? Yeah, I can do that.

It was rather off and I really did not like it what so ever.

This new relationship is so much better. Everything is going so well and I feel happy. Truly happy!
 

Dagferi

Well-known member
Don't give the asshole a moment of your time. They couldn't even contact you for 4 months. Why waste your time?
 

Castress

New member
Don't give the asshole a moment of your time. They couldn't even contact you for 4 months. Why waste your time?

Thank you so much for your advice. I think I am going to do just that. If he msgs me, i'll just tell him it's over and be done with it. Otherwise we will just go back to no contact at all. Seems to be his strong suit anyway.

I have better things to do with my time, like growing a new healthy relationship. =3 (Which I am so fricken excited about!) I should probably make a thread about it... I DONNOO ahhh~ ^///^
 

drgnfly

New member
Thank you so much for your advice. I think I am going to do just that. If he msgs me, i'll just tell him it's over and be done with it. Otherwise we will just go back to no contact at all. Seems to be his strong suit anyway.

I have better things to do with my time, like growing a new healthy relationship. =3 (Which I am so fricken excited about!) I should probably make a thread about it... I DONNOO ahhh~ ^///^

Yea, you got a good plan there, hell with that guy. Showing up like that is a major creep move.
Enjoy your new relationship
 
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