Lets start a revolution

Penny

New member
I dig. Good word and post (no joke)

But here is one : I suggest a new word - Orgamism, for people who object the practice of self indulgence. Either Orgamism or Orgasmism :)

Would that make me an Orgasmaphile?
 

River

Active member
A google search reminded me that I'm not the first to coin "monogamism".

It's worth noting that (a), dictionaries vary in usages of many or most words, and (b), language is always changing and "evolving". Here's one usage of "monogamist".:

monogamist
n
(Sociology) a person who advocates or practises monogamy
monogamistic adj

Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003

"Advocate" in the above can also take up various interpretations and kinds / degrees. I could, for example, "advocate" for left handedness while not wishing to impose it on right handed people. Or a right handed person may "advocate" for the notion that all left handed people should become right handed. Someone might even say (i.e., advocate) that left handedness is morally inferior, or that it should be strictly enforced by law or by social custom (again, via shame, guilt, indoctrination, etc.).
 

Penny

New member
Polyorgasmic, maybe?


:D
 

River

Active member
But here is one : I suggest a new word - Orgamism, for people who object the practice of self indulgence. Either Orgamism or Orgasmism :)

Hmm.... What are your word roots (cells?) here? ... Oh, I get it ... orgasm. What's so "self-indulgent" about that? Unless enjoying a walk in the sunshine or a nice nutritious meal counts as "self-indulgent". ///?///
 

disillusioned

New member
Wow Penny, I just read your story... thats so wild. Was the reason you wanted to open up the relationship sexual? Because I can imagine a story where a married woman meets someone, falls in love with him, but then doesn't want to leave the husband and the whole thing comes up... but here it sounds like you first talked about it and then met someone ... so why did it come up in the first place? If it was just for sexual reasons, why not swing or.. something like that? Did you feel a need for a new relationship from an emotional pov?
 

disillusioned

New member
You know, there is another thing I don't get about monogamism ... from what I understand about American calture, during college and High School, people "go out" "not exclusive" with each other... in other words, its perfectly fine then to "bang" with a few people in the same time and its totally OK (and of course be in an emotional connection too with all of them, at least I hope... I'm using the word bang just to be funny again) anyway... so in college its totally OK but then once you are out of college ... game over, it becomes borderline illegal.

What's the story with that?
 

Athena

New member
Where are you throwing out the only once a month statistic from, last I heard the most common rate for long term couples was once a week (and given that one has to deal with job, baby etc. draining your energy, once a week is pretty much all one has energy for...) it is not because you are tired of your partner. My partner and I are still delighted with each other (though we don't insist on monogamy, your poly sounds more like - I got bored so I'm moving on serial monogamy, rather than, I love you but I still have room for more love poly).
 

nycindie

Active member
You know, there is another thing I don't get about monogamism ... from what I understand about American calture, during college and High School, people "go out" "not exclusive" with each other... in other words, its perfectly fine then to "bang" with a few people in the same time and its totally OK (and of course be in an emotional connection too with all of them, at least I hope... I'm using the word bang just to be funny again) anyway... so in college its totally OK but then once you are out of college ... game over, it becomes borderline illegal.

What's the story with that?

You are generalizing again. Are you basing this on American television? Plenty of high school and college kids are monogamous and in long-term committed relationships without any banging of other people going on. So-o-o many people I know stayed with their college sweethearts and were faithfully mono throughout their college romance and for years afterward.
 

Penny

New member
In my mom's day it was expected that teenagers would date a bunch of other people simultaneously, though not have sex with anyone until they got married in their late teens to early twenties.

In my day, serial monogamy was the rule.

I don't know what kids these days are doing, really. If I took the popular media seriously, I'd think everyone was fucking everyone else indiscriminately, but I don't think that's an accurate representation.

I am 42, btw, to put that in perspective.

Disillusioned, I'm on my way out the door (on a date with the boyfriend, actually) and will respond to your direct question to me when I have a chance to give a considered reply.
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
According to you, nobody should say that "Racism is wrong" because he might be offending someone.

I'm young, enthusiastic and maybe provocative but I truly did not mean to offend anybody. If I did offend anyone, I apologize.

Happy Women's Day to all you girls out there

I actually would disagree that according to me, nobody should say anything, racism being wrong or monogamy being wrong either. ;)
According to me, if you choose to say certain things in certain avenues, you can predict the responses of the people who hear you quite easily.
And
According to me, if you choose to say things in a manner that will predictablly illicit defensiveness or anger from the people you are speaking to; it would be silly to expect anything but defensiveness or anger in their responses.

;)

I think being young (or old) and enthusiastic is wonderful. Furthermore, I have a strong tendency to be provocative and "set people off" with my ideas as well. It's something that over time I've learned is often counterproductive to my goals, purpose and intentions. Therefore, I've made a concerted effort to figure out what does work to "get what I want" started. ;)
One of the biggest is a willingness to put ones own thoughts/words/goals on "pause" so that I can acknowledge the concerns or seeming defensiveness of my listeners first. That way I keep their attention (in a positive way), increase their interest in what I might have to say and in the long run make it more likely that they will consider what I want seriously and sincerely.
 
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LovingRadiance

Active member
I am a big fan of being polite; I find that it is hard to disregard a polite person.
.......

In the last few months I have made two incredible new friends, a married, monogamous gay couple, who adopted two kids a few years ago. The adoption was the first of its kind in their home state, requiring much legal hoop jumping and many lawyers, and was furthermore financed in part by the Catholic Church. The stipulation from the Church was that they could not go to the media. They agreed. Even wrote a nice thank you letter to the Pope, who did not respond.

Quite revolutionary. Quiet revolutionary. No big press conference, but who cares? There are now two beautiful children being raised up in a solid, loving, respectful, educated family. A more tolerant family. A 21st century family.

The revolution is already happening, one healthy relationship at a time.

But it will take time.

Quality takes time.
Love it Charlie, totally beautiful story!

I like D's fire. I feel some of that myself, and I'm glad to have well reasoned water for my fire around, as in the case of Charlie's cooling comments. We need a fire, but not too hot a fire -- nor too swift. But not too slow, either. These discussions help us regulate the temperature.
That ironically-was my point. I know you have on a number of occasions brought up the need to step in and work on these issues. There is a LOT of us who agree with that here I think. Just a matter of all of us being respectful and understanding enough of each other to manage to make some plans and then execute them. First, we gotta accept one another's differences and then try to understand each others perspectives so that we can each do the steps that we're able, which in turn will together accomplish the work.
Sort of like the parts of a car. Each part is necessary, each does it's own "little job" and together they make the car run.

I'm sorry, I don't get it. I didn't want to write "happay women's day to all women" because it doesn't sound right, so I used "girls".
That word is generally used for younger females in the U.S. though I don't know about other places. But, the bigger issue is that it's often used in a negative manner to suggest that women are "lesser" than men in society (kind of like nigger or faggot). So, a lot of women get defensive about it, ESPECIALLY if they are at all involved in the revolution of feminism. ;)

Ironically-you've gotten the ears of a number of "revolutionaries" here. Just gotta work on the "getting to know each other" part that I described above. ;)


I am glad to see that everyone seems to be working towards that now. :) That's awesome!
 
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disillusioned

New member
girls = nigger? Wow... is there a list of not PC words that I should read?

I just want to say that this discussion that I had with myself really helped me conceptualize a lot on this topic. Thanks :)

Also, I read Penny's introduction post as I said, and I told myself what a nice/wild/ beautiful story... and then looked at the comments and discovered that there were only a handful of replies. Only 2 people gave any kind of compliment.

That thread was read 386 times. It is now on page 10 of the "introduction" category, you can find it there and check.

Now go back to my comment about how people (IMO) are unable to be happy for others / selfish / jealous of each other / unwilling to share with each other wisdom, etc. That's my experience and I'm not saying everybody is like that.... just an observation.

Penny said "I'm the luckiest person in the world". Who wants to hear something like that... right? Not most people.

I'm really happy for you Penny!
 
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LovingRadiance

Active member
girls = nigger? Wow... is there a list of not PC words that I should read?

Not in all areas or to all people. But, at times, yes. For me, no. But, that's not the point is it?

A list? Nah, it's just part of meeting people in the world. In some parts of the U.S. calling a man "black" is just as offensive. Others if you call a man "African-American" it's equally offensive. It just depends.

You take your chances, apologize when offense is taken and keep riding the waves. ;)

As for the intro page... I don't look at it. I didn't even look at it when I was a "newbie". The large majority of "views" on that page are from people who aren't on the board. The large majority of people who create an actual login post on the general, new to poly and blogs pages. Just something I've noticed, no idea why.

As for being the happiest person on earth-that's awesome Penny! Congrats! I for sure do like to hear such stories. On the blog page there are several threads just about happy stories, maybe you would share yours there too?
 

Ariakas

Bosun
I am offended on behalf of all the monogamous people who are happily fucking their brains out. Including my parents until my father died.

you can find just as many, if not more, disillusioned, non-monogamous people who tried it and it just didn't work for them.

The day there is one mold that fits all, is the day I become bored with .. well whatever it is that mold fits. Thank god it just ain't that simple.

I'm with mono... there is no true relationship structure. There are just relationships, what you make of them that makes you happy is your business. Preaching like this should be left for church...
 

Penny

New member
I am perfectly fine with the responses to my intro thread. I didn't expect as many as I got as the intro threads usually don't get a lot of responses. I've received a very warm reception in the rest of the forum.

I come here to gain wisdom from those who've traveled this road before me, and to offer what I've learned where I think it will help.

I'm sure my story would garner more attention if I were to blog about it, but I've been so busy living, I haven't found the time. People have started asking questions here and there, so I should probably start one.

That would probably be the best place to answer disillusioned's questions as I don't want to hijack this thread. I think there are many important points on this topic we could still discuss here.

Until Sunday or so I have more things to do than I have time to do them in, so a blog probably won't be happening before then. In the meantime, I return you to your regularly scheduled thread.

Though I should mention that I'm still the luckiest woman on the planet and I am ridiculously happy. I should blog just in case my experiences can help others be so happy in their relationships.
 

redpepper

New member
@penny- please share in the "sharing success and happiness" sticky in the blog section, if you will. Its a great place to be positive. Often we get stories of doom and pain and that thread was created to remind us of the good stuff.
 

Rarechild

New member
You know, there is another thing I don't get about monogamism ... from what I understand about American calture, during college and High School, people "go out" "not exclusive" with each other... in other words, its perfectly fine then to "bang" with a few people in the same time and its totally OK (and of course be in an emotional connection too with all of them, at least I hope... I'm using the word bang just to be funny again) anyway... so in college its totally OK but then once you are out of college ... game over, it becomes borderline illegal.

What's the story with that?

I was just thinking on this the other day.
 
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