I have some free time at work so I thought I'd write a longer howdy y'all
I am totally super new here. I know the title to this thread may be a little odd, considering I put "Lost in NoVA". I chose that title because to me I'm still really searching for more information on this subject of polyamory.
Am I polyamorous? I can't say for sure as of right now. This is why I’m here. A quick search online brought me here. The fact that I also met a handful of very interesting people over the years that have told me they are polyamorous has undeniably piqued my interest from the get go.
My romantic endeavors over time are filled with highs, lows and in betweens. I've been in love with men (and a woman for about a year when I was 19). Passionate love. It’s what I seem to be addicted to. I often joke it’s like crack, even though I tend to plead the fifth on that topic. But the fact that I'm single today, in my head, only lets me know that these relationships have failed (and some, quite miserably). That the words that may or may not have belonged to Albert Einstein ring in my ears more and more: “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results.”
I’ve often asked myself if I were just that: insane. Insane because every relationship I’ve had, I’ve felt something was missing despite all the love and passion I felt for my partner each time. I’m not proud of it, but I’ve had ‘side relationships’ (cheated) several times. Sometimes I was caught. More times, I wasn’t. Some side boyfriends I had knew I had a steady longterm man, but I think the allure of wanting what they couldn’t have made them love me more… or so I thought. I’ve loved two men, what I felt was rather equally, at one time. I craved them both. I had great desires to make each one happy. When I was with boyfriend “A”, all I thought about was “A”. When I was with boyfriend “B”, I only adored “B”. My mistake was, never being honest. Long story short, A and B found out and they both left. The result was I hurt them both, and Pablo Neruda’s words echoed in my head: “Loving is so short. Forgetting is so long”.
Today, I’ve been single for a while. I love life. I enjoy my job. I love that I live in the greatest country on earth (I’m an immigrant). I’ve made great friends in NoVA. These last few months, I have been thinking of polyamory a lot. Is it me? Is it not me? Could it work for me personally? How do I tell future men I will be dating that I’m polyamorous or am exploring the possibility of being one? How will my old fashioned Asian parents understand that their youngest daughter is interested in having multiple loving relationships? Will this affect my desire to have kids?
So that’s a pretty big nutshell as an introduction and I hope I haven’t scared anyone off
Please say hi? I would love to meet you here.
PS: Quick note, too. I am also a firm believer that we can't necessarily choose who we fall in love with... or how many.
Hey, everyone has to start somewhere. For some folks (like me), it was very messy and painful, but it sounds like you are doing the thinking and working out what you do and don't want, and taking the time to go out and learn.
I think that you will find lots of great resources here - there is a way of tagging posts and then searching for the tags - if a post looks interesting to you, take a look down the bottom and find the tags, and click on anything that looks interesting.
Join in with any discussions you feel like, and don't be afraid to create a new one if it's not been discussed to death!
One of the major ah-HA moments that I had when attending a poly social event was looking around the table and realising that nobody here needed to feel alone or shunned because they loved more than one person. It's powerful, and can be quite a relief!
You sound pretty poly-friendly to me, but regardless you're among friends here and can have a lot of fun. Sorry to hear about the misfortunes you had in your previous relationships ... It definitely helps if you can be honest about loving more than one person; that sneaking around thing can really be a drag.
Hope you'll enjoy your stay here (and that you won't feel lost! ).