Mac's Story Corner


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Hello, you can call me Mac. You know, I actually have a blog out there. I'm not a star, it's not well trafficked, and I talk about politics, cars, and tech on top of mentioning some of my philosophical thoughts. Sometimes I talk about polyamory, but because I don't hold a pseudonym out there, I keep it heady, scholarly, and theoretical. I figure I could put out some details and change names, here.

I'll save my second post in this thread to try and give a rundown of where I am, and how I got here, from a recent point of view.

If you'd like to reply to something that I write, feel free, and if you feel like it's something that you'd like for me to post in the relationship corner, and really have some people chew on an issue, go ahead and suggest, and it might motivate me to bring something up for everyone to opine on.

So, if anyone reads on, thanks, I'm surprised you do, but chances are you're looking to share something you've learned, or to learn something here. Or, be entertained. Cool.

I'll also put in a signature so you know who I speak of when I mention their names.
While I’m in a difference place now, I always considered myself monogamous for most of my life. Mainly because I never put much thought in to anything else. Alright strap in. I'll try and make asterisk *** breaks for time and story breaks.


I met Jean at a car meet in 2010 where her and her husband frequented. She asked me once to hang out to watch a show, which I thought was a little weird, but I couldn’t make it over. My birthday comes around that year, and she invites me again to hang out with her. It turns out that I have off that day because of a snow storm.

I go over to her and her husband’s house. She’s just there. She comes on to me, and she keeps things going. We had some non-penetrative sex.

The next day, I asked her about her feelings (because of her still being married), I don’t exactly remember what she told me, but I know I told her that I didn’t want to be an affair, and that I couldn’t do that again. I was weak willed, and that really was the furthest sexual experience I ever had, and only the second experience (At the time I was 27).

Maybe that’s a place where I went wrong, maybe that’s all she wanted, and I forced her into a relationship with me that she wasn’t ready for. I don’t know, and I can’t change things now.

Jean began her divorce proceedings with now-ex-husband (three days later). One of the things that I remember distinctly in the beginning, was her telling me that she wasn’t happy with ex – she felt like, “Oh, I guess this is love. Okay.” And that I had changed that. Sometimes, even now, I can’t help but worry if I’m doing the same thing to her. Putting her in that same position.


In 2011, I told Jean right from the beginning of our relationship that she had a lot of free-reign regarding non-monogamy. I just asked to be involved in some way. (Like, tell me the story while we do something sexy.) I wonder if that’s why a little while later this happened.

Within that first year of our relationship (2011), we went to a wedding for a friend of hers from college. During that weekend, on our way to the hotel after dinner, she started crying about how she had a fling in the past with one of her (girl) friends in the past. And Jean said she was worried if I would accept that she did that, and / or liked women.

I told her that I only cared about her being happy, and I was sorry that she felt this was so emotionally burdening to her.

10 years later, I found context to the emotion here. First, she had that sexual encounter with her friend sort of as a one-night stand. WHILE she was already married (previously). Her friend came over, they crushed up some of her husband’s prescribed medicine (some stimulant I guess), snorted it, and then had sex.

Likewise, Jean has this friend that she used to work with when she worked summers at an outlet store. From what Jean had described to me, she had dated this man. Later, I would find out that she had once again cheated on her husband with this guy. (Also, for context, this guy was himself married at the time.) I also found out that she had done this with another co-worker while she was with her husband, who was only a boyfriend at the time.

I think I really only put it all together in 2020, if I’m honest. It’s tough because Jean didn’t necessarily lie to me, but she never fully gave me the details, or the context, regarding previous relationships.


Jean and I married in 2012, and she gave birth to our son (Lincoln) in 2016. He was born 3 months early, and we would drive up to the hospital to see him until 6 months after he was born, and we could take him home.

Marriage was good (and still is good). Those times were filled with lots of fun, then, just as they are now. But, in regards to anything outside of our marriage, nothing (to my knowledge now) happened.


(Continued in Next Post)
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In to 2020. During the pandemic, Jean went out with Aries, a wife of my friend, Brad they took a trip to Annapolis. She seemed excited, and had asked me if it okay that she liked her. They had flirted for a long time, and I said it was cool, but I don’t know what any of this would mean for everyone else. Brad and Aries had experiences with swinging and polyamory. But, Brad tried to just put it to the side because Aries wasn’t really in to having a girlfriend.

Even their swinging experiences were bad because they’d go on vacations and Aries would him-and-haw until finally saying, okay let’s do something, and the only available people on short notice were guys. And when they would have an encounter, Aries would sometimes not care about where Brad was as long as she was gettin’ hers. From what I found out later, from Brad, one one of those experiences was so bad, the other guy actually stopped and told Aries, “maybe we should check on your husband.”

After the trip, Jean told me that she and Aries had sex on their trip. And Aries said she would talk to Brad because she would be opening up old wounds. Brad gets in contact with me, we all get excited, even though I know I probably won’t play a prominent role in this.

That started in September 2020, and by November 2020, I was struggling. Jean was sharing less. Brad was doing what he could to help me and keep me involved in what we had discussed as a Kitchen-Table-Poly situation. He’s always been a good friend, and still is. And part of that is where the struggling began. I found out that Brad was having his own difficulty in that Jean was doing a lot of fantasy fulfillment for him (I’ll explain after two paragraphs). And Aries, wasn’t.

And during that time, I was reading as much as I could. Any and all books about polyamory and jealousy. I actually started to get better.

Brad was actually a good meta. Because we were friends, when he found out that Jean did something for him that she wouldn’t for me, he actually spoke to her about it. I thought that was super nice considering that relationships differ and she doesn’t have to always do the same thing. But, Brad was always a caring guy.

So, as it turns outs this was the first REAL introduction, for Jean, in to the sub / dom dynamic. And she really enjoyed it; her being submissive. She had never asked me to do anything of the sort, and I imagine this is something that she would want from someone that naturally feels the want to be a dom to her.

In any case, that is the stuff that Aries couldn’t, or didn’t want to do. And that’s what gave Brad and Jean a strong connection that made the breakup very difficult.

At the end of November everybody agreed I should join them for a foursome. It was a lot fun.

The next day me, Brad, and Jean had a threesome, and it was again, a lot of fun. Aries was asleep for this by the way because she had a history of concussions, and as we’d find out later, Lyme’s Disease.

After that evening and day, the relationship ended in a few weeks because Aries no longer wanted to continue. Aries said she didn’t like the feeling that she was being replaced. I believe that my entering in to this meant that she **felt** like they must have been including me so that Aries would hopefully attach to me while Brad and Jean did whatever they wanted to do. In either case, things ended.

Not before Brad and Jean had sex one more time as a like, goodbye, I guess. I had to cover for Jean when Aries asked me about that. When Jean told me about her going on a hike with Brad, I knew how it would end, and that it would end back at our house where would probably have sex. Even though Jean feigned that she didn’t know how it would go.

After that ended, Jean took it exceedingly hard. She cried a lot about it. She cried at New Years over it. In the new year (2021), it began to strain our relationship. I couldn’t cheer her up, or get any reaction out of her. She was, at best, just buried in her phone. I would get angry and give short and terse comments that would make us argue. By February, I knew I needed counseling.

Essentially, I went in knowing that I loved Jean, but I didn’t know if she loved me. She was clearly unhappy, and in a prolonged sense. I was also unsure if she was committed to, or unknowingly trying to do a soft break up with me. As well, sex had decreased by a lot.

My therapist was okay (past tense, I have a new one), and he kept just trying to get me to decouple (good), not worry about her (um, sure), and just have another life (sure, part of decoupling). Jean and I went on a vacation to the OuterBanks but nothing changed. We also had Lincoln with us.

Eventually we went to Las Vegas in September 2021, and I asked her if she wanted to do anything ENM, or swinging, and she said yes to swinging. So, I made sure we went to a private club one night. Jean was propositioned to all night. One time in particular, explicitly that I NOT be included. Despite the weirdness, Jean was undeterred, and she had an experience for herself with another man and woman. It was a lot of fun, and really hot.

When we came back, I asked Jean if she’d like to try swinging, and not a relationship. I also said let’s do this together. We agreed to this. We found one couple that we talked to. And then right after that, this current couple, Ricky + Megan. The first couple were okay, and we swapped and had sex with them once, but not again, just didn’t hit us right. Now while they were the first couple to reach out to us, Ricky and Megan were actually the first couple Jean went to see – I was explicitly not invited. But, I agreed to it because I thought Jean and I would continue to try and have other experiences.

Eventually, I found out that our thing with the first couple was probably going to be it for me because a week or two prior, me and Jean kind of got the impression that Ricky + Megan while finding us on a swinger website weren’t looking for anyone else and may have been looking to make Jean a girlfriend.

Anyway, I guess I should have said something then, but I didn’t know. And despite our agreement that we were #1 swinging, and #2 doing this together – Jean ended up being in a relationship with Ricky and Megan.


I sat Jean down back in April or May 2022, much to chagrin of my now former therapist. I asked Jean, “listen, we’ve violated a spoken agreement that we did in September 2021. Are you poly? Can we at least put a name to this?” She hemmed and hawed and started to tear up, and said yes after a minute or two.

My former therapist hated it when I tried to support Jean, or suggest for her to go see Ricky + Megan when it was clear she wanted to do so. He was also angry at my asking Jean the question on if she’d identify as poly, just so we could put a name to this, and I could shift the experience from a cheating dynamic to us opening our relationship romantically. I think it was July, or August ’22 that I got a new therapist from Better Help, and I distinctly asked for poly experience.


I’ve had some breakdowns in the past. Moments of emotional weakness. In April, or May of 2022, I told Jean that I was unsure of her feelings to me. Even though I was able to have a conversation with her to admit that she was not just swinging, but in a polyamorous relationship.

She asked me to take a break in the conversation. When I came home after word, she said, “I’m not going anywhere, and your mom called me and said she’s not doing well, and we might need to move in with her to take care of her.” Maybe I would have said no if I wasn’t in the emotional state, I was in. But we did move in, and that’s where we are now. There was no way my mom would move to where we lived before because of the two-story floorplan.


Some more final bits of context. I found out later, like, October 2022, that In February ’22, before I confronted Jean to say, “Hey, this is more than swinging, can we please talk about this?” that Jean and Ricky had told each other that they loved each other.

Out of context, that’s actually a really great thing. … Unfortunately, Megan is unaware of those feelings, and you know what, let me just list the red flags that I saw and tried to warn Jean about.

From Megan:
- No kissing on the lips
- no interactions without Megan
From Ricky:
- One Penis Policy (except for me being with Jean)

Ricky and Jean have had experiences without Megan, or telling Megan, have kissed, and have told that they love each other. In terms of normal polyamory, and if things were not closed by Ricky, it’s nice to see a relationship start. But, there are moments when Jean is upset and it about the circumstances and it leaks in a bit to our relationship. I’ve given my advice, but there’s not much more I can do.


And that’s where things are. Looking for relationships has been difficult. I shut down my OkCupid account a couple days ago. I had been on there a year, and only got three matches from people who were NOT exceptionally close geographically, and would never message me first, but were polite enough to respond sometimes. (When I’d ask if they had any question for me and they would say, no, I took the hint. I guess that’s a nice way for them to say they weren’t interested.)

At this point, I’m here for the community and looking for some more poly-friends.
I'm stealing an idea from SEASONEDpolyAgain, and putting people in a link to my signature, and this post will service that.

Me: 40, m
Jean: 38, f, wife, nesting partner, mom to Lincoln
Lincoln: 7 (son to me and Jean, non-verbal autistic, he is a handful)

Ricky, meta: 36, m, Jean's boyfriend, Kelly's husband (poly?)
Megan, meta, don't talk to: 34, f, Jake's wife (probably within some poly under duress)
As an update, my therapist and I spoke a little more about my son yesterday. He's non-verbal autistic, and at the age of 7, really starting to show his ADHD, as well. I could tell she was trying to see if I had any emotional turmoil regarding him, and his diagnosis. Kind of wondering if I ever had the opportunity to talk about it. And honestly, maybe even thanks to my son, I've been taught to have a very one-day-at-a-time-get-used-to-plans-changing type of mindset.

So, even if I have apprehensions, ideas, and thoughts about what his future might look like, and how everything will work out, he certainly keeps me present.


As far as poly-specific things, not much is going on with me there. I've turned off social media, which has had its own benefits, and in terms of poly connectivity, I don't think I'm missing much due to being in Delaware. The type of organic connectivity that may yield better results could just as easily be experienced by way of seeking out social groups (I know shows more intent with its members / groups) where I might be able to make more friends, and meet friends of friends. Even without romantic interests in mind, keeping busy in the winter (I usually do car related things in the warmer months) will be great.

As for my partner, Jean, I think she's doing well. Sometimes she'll complain to me about the triad she's in (refresher: Megan is very on and off with her feelings - she seems more like a friend at the best of times that entertains threesomes for her husband).

I worry for Jean as she and Ricky sneak off for sex, which as far as I know, is not something Megan has approved. Like, another rule that Megan had (maybe even still has) is that they're not allowed to kiss each other on the lips.

On one side, I hope she doesn't get in to trouble. But, on the other, maybe the rules can be changed, and things will be eased for each other. Wish I could help, or do more, but it's not my place.
Update on people (correction on some naming too, I got confused on aliases, and luckily didn't use anyone's real name):

Me: 40, m
Jean: 38, f, wife, nesting partner, mom to Lincoln
Lincoln: 7 (son to me and Jean, non-verbal autistic, he is a handful)

Ricky, meta: 36, m, Jean's boyfriend, Megan's husband (poly?)
Megan, meta, don't talk to: 34, f, Ricky's wife (probably within some poly under duress)