Managing the Magic and the Mundane

Charlie

Member
I will begin, as I am fond of doing, by saying that at anytime, I could be full of shit...

but I'm not.

If you are looking for advice about how to live your life with many loves, go look in the mirror, right now. This is not new advice, a bit cliche' even, but it is nonetheless true. In truth, I can offer you no advice on how to live YOUR life; that is for each of us to figure out for ourselves. That being said, here is what I know to be true for me, and if it becomes or is true for you also, so much the better...

I love many people, but for the purposes of this forum, you should know that I love Rarechild, she loves her husband Catfish and he loves her, and, gosh ol' fish hooks, Catfish and I think very highly of each other. That is to say, we hug each other the way only two secure heterosexual men can do. (Love ya, brother.)

For now, I'm setting aside the parts of our story before right now, save this one vital thing that the three of share: We've all fucked up, we've all suffered heartbreak, and we've all grown immensely.

Trust, honesty, respect, kindness, communication, patience, empathy, generosity, pragmatism, strength, thankfulness, and consistency...write these down and look up the definitions for the ones that don't ring a bell, as I will refer to them later on...

What I have learned about Love in thirty-one years is that people aren't always so good at loving themselves. When we fall short of loving ourselves, we don't shine so bright, and end up looking for someone or some thing to light us up. Afterwords, when that someone or some thing is not there to glow for us, we're right back to being dim.

Rinse, and repeat.

While I may be new to "polyamory", I am well seasoned at being a human being who loves other human beings. By well seasoned, I mean like a good cast iron frying pan: Even distribution of heat, and the shit don't stick no more.

Catfish, Rarechild, and I have a friendship based on all those words that I mentioned earlier. I will tell you that I have grown to seek these things in every relationship I have, in family, friends, and work. To say this more precisely, I don't suffer fools. With six and a half billion people (not to mention dogs) on the planet, I get to choose my giving and receiving of caring and sharing. That is called "The-world-has-teeth" or "I-don't-give-out-change-at-the-ghetto-grocery-store-anymore".

As the three of us continue working, and, I might add, I have never known something that was so wonderful to work so hard for, we've dug into rich, black soil that is perfect for growing. We've also hit hard rock at times and we haven't gone deep enough to plant anything permanent yet. So, we are learning to take turns with the pick and shovel...

Jealousy. Show me one single relationship, family, friend, or otherwise, that does not have it and I will show you the meaning of the word "apathy".
In it's worst manifestation, jealousy is possessive, controlling, abusive, egotistical, hollow and completely useless. In it's highest evolution, which is still called jealousy, it is the most raw, honest, flattering human expression of wanting from someone whatever desirable thing it is that they are sharing with someone else: time, space, intimacy, fun, sex, silence, food, conversation...

Funny how we rarely get jealous when our loved one's are spending quality time getting a root canal...just sayin'.

Do this: Call your Grandma, your brother, your old English instructor, the boss you liked so well, and your best friend and tell them how much they mean to you. Tell them how great they are and how much you appreciate them for being in your life. Light 'em up cuz ya love 'em.

That's a polyamorous life and there's plenty to go around...
 

nycindie

Active member
Thank you, Charlie. Your post made me smile when I sorely needed to, and reminded me of important things that I needed to be reminded of.

If you ever publish your words of wisdom someday, I will be first in line to buy your gems -- you are a wonderful writer!
 

Charlie

Member
Words are free...

I didn't invent these words, I just use 'em.

If I ever publish anything, and I intend to do so, I will GIVE you a copy...I'll even pay postage.

Smiling. From what I understand, it's healthy. For very selfish reasons, I like to make other people smile. Makes the room brighter. I choose this consciously as a way to move in the world. As Stuart Wilde so eloquently put it, "You pays your money, and you makes your choice."

Last time I looked, Webster's Dictionary was a reference book. As any philosophy student will tell you, in order for more than one person have a productive discussion, there must be agreement about the definitions implied by the words we choose. I know that Rarechild and Catfish live by many, if not all, of the same definitions of trust, love, respect, honesty, blah blah blah, that I do; however, I cannot assume that. In accepting accountability to their two big giant hearts, I also had to accept the responsibility of being clear, articulate, and abundant in my communication.
I have a propensity to draw connections between seemingly disparate experiences and events in my life and I am inclined, as many artists are, to be metaphorical when I communicate. While this is mature and magical, it is not always the most efficient way to communicate. Cut the flowery, glowing bullshit and just say it, let's get down to it. Even when I think I know what is meant, I try to remember to ask anyway. Assume nothing. Say what you mean, mean what you say.

When Rarechild, my blessed friend, opened her heart to me, offering to me her love in a new evolution, I was stunned. When Catfish, my blessed friend, opened his heart to me, offering to share his wife's love, I was staggered. Their communication is what made the departure on this journey possible. That they continue to do the work is stunning. They are beautiful to behold, separately or together...

...and I would take a bullet to the head for either one of them.

What I have been offered is this: I(We) want to share my(our) life with you.

Well, shut me up. How big is your heart?

I tend not to take any commitment lightly. Anything worth doing is worth doing right. Get ready for conversations full of grit and gristle, vibrant with vigor.

I had to look Catfish in the eye, as a man, to know that he meant what I thought he meant.

Never forget this: To be loved, by yourself or someone else, right here and now, for who and what you are, is a fucking gift. It deserves a "Please" and "Thank You" for every moment. Anything that cannot be given freely and willingly is commerce, and it has no place in any personal relationship. If you have holes in your heart, fill them in yourself. Never give someone you love a broken gift. Ever.

And never accept one either.
 
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Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Never forget this: To be loved, by yourself or someone else, right here and now, for who and what you are, is a fucking gift. It deserves a "Please" and "Thank You" for every moment.

I do thank the universe daily for my gf! I didnt even know I was looking for her, and yet, here she is in my life, giving me so much love and support and humor and sex and good cookin! What a gift indeed.

If you have holes in your heart, fill them in yourself. Never give someone you love a broken gift. Ever.

And never accept one either.

Um, we're all "broken" and imperfect. Working on oneself is, of course, necessary, but I don't expect anyone to be perfectly balanced and self aware at all times. Lord knows, I am not. My heart gets knicked, my lovers and friends and dear sister help it to heal, along with my own efforts.
 

Rarechild

New member
What I have been offered is this: I(We) want to share my(our) life with you.

Well, shut me up. How big is your heart?

So fucking big I'm convinced they've three been growing for centuries, at least.

I have to say your posts are rather magical :p not to mention beautiful in a very soul opening way.

It is not just his posts, I can tell you for certain.

-R
 

eklctc

New member
HIya

Thanks for sharing, Charlie. I was just introduced to you after reading Rarechild's posting so I am very glad to find something in your own words. Your thought process is definitely a breath of fresh air. I look forward to watching your journey.
 

Catfish

New member
Ladies and gentlemen...

This man deserves your attention. He is the real deal.

That is all.

Love,
CF
 

Charlie

Member
Solidarity

We walked in, with common purpose and intent, and sat across from each other in the ER waiting room for just a minute, maybe not even that long, before I asked Catfish if he wanted a cup of coffee.

As I suspected, he did in fact desire such a thing. I left to go find us some, somewhere on the lower level of the hospital. When I came back, he had already been permitted back to Rarechild's room. When I inquired at the reception desk, two simple black coffees hot in hand, the nurses directed me back as well, with curious smiles.

Husband? check.
Boyfriend? check?

Alls I know is, I have never seen such a deliriously happy woman in the emergency room.

But what I want to say is this:

I have spent my life looking up to those male role models who were solid, intelligent, strong, loyal, generous, and kind. There have been many. But never in my life have I ever felt like so much a Man as sitting across from Catfish, for one brief minute, shamelessly and silently sharing honestly with him the solidarity of loving the same Woman. It is one thing to for a son to worry with his mother about his father, her husband; supportive, but the love is held differently. It was quite another thing altogether, ladies and gentlemen, to know fully and openly that the worry furrowed in another Man's brow was wrinkled out of the same character of love, intimacy, passion, admiration, respect, commitment, and loyalty as my own. I have never know such sharing, with or without words.

Catfish, dammit, I love ya. We both know the score: We must do the rebuilding of ourselves with our own two hands, time and again. But I will be here on the ground, waiting patiently, and generously handing you your own bricks to lay down again. Just like you have done for me, just like you ARE doing for me, just like you will do for me again and again.

I don't know much, but I know that.

You are my family, and I am in awe of you at every turn, at every evolution of yourself.

So, I offer you this:

All the Labor (The Gourds, "Dem's Good Beeble")

All the labor landed in the sod

where the digger cried "it's my calling, sir

and it is no mistake

that I put you in the ground so well

and if they pay me well that's great

it's just gravy, I'd do it anyway"

All the labor stood up and shouted

"I'll wait for you fun lovin' Minever Cheevy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miniver_Cheevy

with all yer drunken delusions

I am a sensational place

of camaraderie and pleasure

won't you stand with me

in your garden once more"

All the labor although it be brick on brick

stitch on stitch and earn to urn

a presence on the lift

what this great ole nation was built on boy

outlives the package everyday mama mama everyday
 

Rarechild

New member
Yes, Sir

Alls I know is, I have never seen such a deliriously happy woman in the emergency room.

Some of the happiest, scariest, and most surreal hours of my life so far. Coming out(proud to answer when asked) to the doctors and nurses in the triage room, strapped to a backboard helpless to control my beautiful fate, laughing like I have never laughed before, more alive than ever, the two of you holding both of my hands, all of us caught up in the Mystery and the Joy together, washing over the whole ER with our light.

That moment will never leave me, all of us wide open together for the first time and so aware of our fortune, letting it all in with grateful awe.

There is so much more.
I love you both immensely and to the end.
-R
 

Charlie

Member
Good things & Bad things

Nov. 30th, 2010

Good Things

Good things mostly start on the edge of sorrow.
Where one leaves that shore of despair,
and knows it is better for the rocking sea,
that body is bound for ecstasy.
Our feet leave the soggy bottom
and we defy the spin of the Earth,
then clamber into our makeshift vessel.

It will carry us.

It will carry us, we know, because it is made
of calloused flesh and wrought iron
and decorated with a baker's dozen broken hearts.
It is familiar because we built it long ago,
cobbled together by a younger self.

Fear not child...your boat will float.


January 8th, 2011

Bad Things

Bad things happen mostly on the edge of happiness.
Where one leaves that shore of ecstasy,
and knows not what storms swell,
a body is bound to rise through Hell.
Our compass spins out from North
and our feet touch back down to Earth,
slamming our vessel against the rocky shores.

It will care for us.

It will care for us, we know, because it is made
of mild steel and bruised flesh
and decorated with a baker's dozen broken dreams.
It is tattered now because we built it long ago,
assembled into shape by a more flexible self.

Fear not child...your hope will float.
 
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Carma

New member
"Well shut me up. How big is your heart?"


I am so inspired by your words and your story. Wow.
 

Charlie

Member
Because I am selfish...

I want you to be strong so that you can help me lift heavy things.

I want you to succeed so that you will not bring me down with your failure.

I want you to make mistakes so that I can learn from them.

I want you to live a rich life so that the stories you tell will not be boring.

I want you to get bigger so that I will have room to grow too.

I want you to be yourself so that I will know the truth of you.

I want you to be free because you will know the sacredness of my freedom.

I want you to become Love because I am Love.

I want because I am selfish.

Everybody has an angle.

That you are loved well by me is in my best interests.


Charlie
 
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Charlie

Member
I am formidable.

To my daemons of unknown origin,

I am coming for you.

That you have boldly risen in my mind betrays your naivete, and your youthful exuberance shall be your final undoing. You and your kind have tested my patience for the last time.

Take warning.

You should know that I have come many times before in flesh and bone and slaughtered your arrogant brethren in the sacred name of Love. The element of surprise remains the only tactic left in your repertoire of spiritual warfare, after which I will cut you down like so many sheaths of brittle winter grass.

I am formidable. My lives have been spent in the pursuit of truth and my skills have been honed now to a hefty razor's edge that I can, at will, swing down in Thor's own image with surgical precision.

It will take me whole days to collect your scattered pieces to the fire.

There is no place for you to hide, should you be even wise enough to seek shelter, for I know the ways of all material things. With these ten dexterous digits, I can seek you out in stone, steel, and timber with fabulous efficiency and magical manifestation. These words serve only to clarify my singular intent.

You are not safe.

You will be shown no mercy and given no quarter. As the taste of Love waxes my lips, I have no time to hear your hollow poison pleas for understanding and acceptance of mediocrity. You shall be cast out forthwith.

You should regard my prior sacrifices as preparations for your eviction.

That I am invincible should be your only consideration.

Quite sincerely,

Charlie
 

Charlie

Member
This much I feel to be true...

Our lives were never meant to be unimaginative. Lazy from time to time, but never boring.

Thank you for feeling the same. We'll get more interesting things done more slowly this way.

Quality takes time.

Charlie
 

JenAgain

New member
Charlie, your words are amazing and so true. I cried reading them... feeling the love you have for RC and CF. I feel like my heart grew ten fold in the few minutes it took me to read these two pages. It's such a wonderful feeling, and I hope that your words reach many, including the two men in my life.

Thank you for sharing and posting. :)

-Jen
 

Charlie

Member
Sharing

Thank you, JenAgain, for your kind words. Funny, I started crying reading about your crying. Broke me open that much more.

Dang. Got me all weepy now.

Bless your heart.
 
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