Meeting a Partner's Coworkers

Koshka32713

New member
Hi, I'm a married woman with another partner. We have a large group of mutual friends that we hang out with all the time. However, my partner has asked me to accompany him to an event where a few of his coworkers will be and I won't know any other people. I wear a wedding ring. How do other people navigate meeting coworkers like this? Thanks! :confused:
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi Koshka32713,

Is this some kind of an open/kink/poly event? When you said a few of his coworkers will be there, I pictured a work-sponsored meeting or party, but that would be premature on my part.

Are you a monogamous woman (with just one partner)? Do you want to remain monogamous? If so, just be polite towards people at the event and say, "No thanks," if anyone tries to hit on you.

If you are interested in opening up your marriage, then that is a whole other matter! :) In that case I would just say you should take it slow and not jump right into anything. Take it at a pace that is comfortable for you.

Good luck!
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 

GreenAcres

New member
Kevin, my interpretation is the OP is a married poly woman, and one of her other partners (not her husband/wife) has asked her to the event.

If this is the case, I see a few options:

-If she's not ready to be "out," or if they aren't ready to be "out," then declining is probably the best option. Lying never goes well for anyone.

-If they are ready to be out, then a simple answer is, IMHO, always best. Something like "this is my GF, Koshka." And just leave it there unless someone asks. If no one does, don't offer. If someone does ask about the ring, just be open but short: "My husband and I have an open relationship."

No one is really entitled to the details of your private life, but often they ask anyway. I'm a private person, and don't really talk about my relationships with coworkers and the like. I've found keeping it simple and very direct, as well as without personal details, is best, and staves off all but the rudest people (to them I just say "I'm sorry, but that's really none of your business").
 
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Koshka32713

New member
GreenAcres, thanks. That was pretty much what I was looking for. The relationship is pretty new, and normally we hang out with our friends who know about the relationship.

I am really just a little uncomfortable about people noticing the ring and making assumptions. I'm really probably over analyzing this.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
I suppose you could opt to not wear the ring at the event, but, that's probably not something you'd be comfortable with either.
 

opalescent

Active member
Have you asked your partner how he wants to handle this? That seems to be the most straightforward thing.

Most people are not going to ask a stranger about a wedding ring. That would not be polite so most won't do it. (There are rude exceptions!) And many more won't even notice, particularly if you are not romantic with each other. Of course, if you two do interact as romantic partners (you know, hold hands, 'that' look at each other, etc.), then people may notice your ring and his lack of one. But I bet even then they won't ask.

But ask your partner his preferences before the event and talk it out first. That will make it easier on both of you.
 

reflections

New member
I want to agree with opalescent's suggestion of talking with your partner. People may not notice or ask you about your ring, but it could spark some "water cooler" gossip for your partner at work if they see you two affectionate towards each other. Your partner might not care, but it could be a point of tension for him at work.

I say this from my own perspective of not telling my friends about Jack and me initially. While we tried to keep it closeted (not well, I suspect), we later learned that our friends were talking to each other about our relationship without talking with us about it. They were making lots of assumptions that I was cheating on Roger and/or that there was some significant problem between Roger and me. It ended up being way easier to come out to them and let them know that Roger was completely on board with it and answer any questions they had. Trying to keep it hidden can be very difficult and make it seem like it's something to hide.

I'll add that when Roger and Taylor go out, Roger often takes off his wedding ring. I can understand his desire to not receive any strange looks, and it seems easier for him to then enjoy the night. I could definitely see this not being the right solution for everyone, but it is for him.
 

Inyourendo

New member
Are you ready to meet them?

Is he comfortable being out of the closet?

Are you comfortable being out of the closet?

If you are comfortable meeting them but not comfortable being out of the closet just don't wear your ring.
 

Terrsha

New member
Hi Koshka,

From my own experience, I can't help but disagree with those here who have said that people probably won't notice or ask about the wedding ring. I was out with my boyfriend lately and could definitely see people looking at his wedding ring and my hand, devoid of rings. Add a few drinks and oh hell yeah there were some charming questions asked!

So I would suggest going in with some strategy in place. Are you going to take your ring off and maybe wear it around your neck? Are you going to wear it but say it was your mother's? Or are you and your partner going to brass-neck it and essentially come out?
 

zigzag

New member
I don't think you should be forced or cajoled into comming out by a work event, or come out just because its the easiest thing to do on the day, especially to a group of what appears to be relative strangers. IF you are happy to go to this event and If you live in a community where people take notice of rings for what they signify then either take it off, swap it onto a different finger or as some sports people do put a sticking plaster over it.
 
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