Mono Couple becomes Poly Couple

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
So I spent the night at Jason's house on Friday! We went out roller skating and snuggled and watched a movie. We discovered why mixed packs of condoms are a terrible idea! Always double check that your condom is not "fire and ice" before anal because that mother fucker was terrible!!!!! We had a real great time together.
Came back and tagged out Spitfire so she could go spend her first night with Picard. Spent the night trying to block out the thought of them having sex. I fucking hate it. Why can't I be cool with it? Why do I fucking care? Like, it's so bad right now that I'm dreading having to touch her when she gets home. Why is my brain like that?!!!!! I don't feel like that when she gets home from Kirk's house.
I've been cleaning the house all morning. Just watched TV until around 4am to tune out my brain. Then my toddler was kind enough to wake me up on the couch at 0830. lol She was so annoyed with me! Since then it's been shower, caffine, and clean! Jason and Kirk are coming over in a bit for D&D!
Well I've got work to do but I needed to get that little bit off my chest. Feels good! Just need to make through the day now!
I'm sure you'll get used to knowing Spitfire is having sex, as time goes by. It can definitely feel painful at first. We are all strongly programmed to be mono. It's also hard to feel like a hypocrite knowing we just enjoyed sex with an OSO, but can't stand the idea of our SO doing that same thing. It's common to not want to touch our SO as soon as they come home from a date. It can also be common for that SO to need time to adjust, make the transition, and not want to be touched either! Generally 24 hours and a good shower and teeth-brushing helps.

I'm glad you had fun with Jason despite the painful condoms. Menthol on one's bits feels horrible to me too. I don't see how they can market that shit.
 

BrokenArrow

Member
I'm sure you'll get used to knowing Spitfire is having sex, as time goes by. It can definitely feel painful at first. We are all strongly programmed to be mono. It's also hard to feel like a hypocrite knowing we just enjoyed sex with an OSO, but can't stand the idea of our SO doing that same thing. It's common to not want to touch our SO as soon as they come home from a date. It can also be common for that SO to need time to adjust, make the transition, and not want to be touched either! Generally 24 hours and a good shower and teeth-brushing helps.

I'm glad you had fun with Jason despite the painful condoms. Menthol on one's bits feels horrible to me too. I don't see how they can market that shit.
I keep telling myself it's going to get easier but the right now part of it sucks. We do a good pause and shower and toothbrushing rule in between partners. It does help. But yeesh!

Got some good advice today. It was recommended to me that while Spitfire's gone I try and focus my thoughts on something positive that I can do with her when she gets back, instead of what she's doing while she's gone. I'm going to give that a try. Hoping for the best.
 

HaloOnFire

Active member
Got some good advice today. It was recommended to me that while Spitfire's gone I try and focus my thoughts on something positive that I can do with her when she gets back, instead of what she's doing while she's gone.


This sounds very positive and proactive! :)
 

BrokenArrow

Member
So I've been working with a new therapist. This one seems to be a little better than the last. Pretty frequent back and forth. It's nice. Been trying to make friends on OK Cupid. Somehow I've managed to match with a bunch of guys. I lose a lot of them when I tell them I'm not really looking for a relationship right now but want to make new friends but I feel way better telling them that up front.
Part of me would like to find a girlfriend and see how that goes, but the rational part of me remembers that I barely have time as it is for both Jason and Spitfire. I am seriously tired and burnt out with all the driving and scheduling. Maybe when the kids are older and I have more time on my hands.
I've been thinking about inviting Jason to the finale of my D&D campaign I have with my work friends. I'm a little apprehensive about mixing my work life with my private life like that. I think it's a throwback to being terrified of the repercussions. I'm out at work now. Bi, poly. I don't care anymore. It's not worth the exhaustion of having to hide who I am. Besides, this command pretty much already tanked my career so what's left to worry about.
My boss actually asked me about it the other day. "Do you and your wife date the same guy?"
"No. She has her boyfriends and I have mine."
"Well that's not really poly then."
"Yeah it is."
"No it's not."
"Okay, Chief."
I'm almost certain that woman hates me. Doesn't help my evaluations any. Oh well. At least I don't have to worry about hiding who I am anymore. I should talk to the guys in my game. I know Jason would love to play and I'm pretty sure they'd love to meet him.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Wow you're out at bi and poly in a military career? I thought that it was now OK to be a practicing homosexual, but not OK to be married and having other romantic/sexual relationships. I guess the idea is that that info could be used against you by the enemy or something. Or that it made you seem too unstable to serve your country properly.
 

BrokenArrow

Member
Wow you're out at bi and poly in a military career? I thought that it was now OK to be a practicing homosexual, but not OK to be married and having other romantic/sexual relationships. I guess the idea is that that info could be used against you by the enemy or something. Or that it made you seem too unstable to serve your country properly.
I've spent the last 12 years afraid of the day someone found out I was bi. I'm done.
 

BrokenArrow

Member
Started talking to Picard today. My therapist convinced me I was just being a stubborn asshole so I reached out. The word reached feels yucky in my mouth. That can't be the right word. Reached. Blegh!
So I've been having a nice conversation with him and I already feel much better about things. I've known this was the answer all along but, I just didn't want to be the one to extend the olive branch. Well chatting with him has humanized him in my mind. Wish I had just done it sooner and I'm so grateful he's not a total douche. Should have seen that coming. Spitfire would have eviscerated him if he was a piece of shit.
I miss Jason. Wish I could see him more often. I feel bad. He had a thing for an ace and I was really hoping that'd work out for him so he could have something more than some guy who lives 2 hours away. I wonder what happens when he meets a guy who wants a mono relationship with him. I think it's selfish of me to hope he chooses me. I can only see him maybe one day a week. In the case that there was a guy he could see everyday, I'd prefer that for him. He gets so lonely by himself. How do you deal with that? What a harsh facet of reality that is.
So I hope everyone is having a great week!
 

BrokenArrow

Member
So things have been pretty good. Spitfire and I are doing well. Went through a bit of a rough patch while she mourned her breakup with Picard. That was annoying but I did my best to be supportive and give her the time and space she asked for. Finally started to get along with the guy and then I'm back to hating him. It's hard to like the guy after carrying the load of her breakup. I don't think I've mourned a breakup since I was 17 and filled with hormones. This is two for two with her. Can't understand wasting that much pain on someone I chose to not be with. Everyone grieves differently. Whatever. They're talking again and I'm back to hating him. Now it's not so much out of jealousy and more about the extreme inconvenience

Jason and I are doing well. He's been extremely busy at work but we've managed to see each other every weekend. We've been having a very playful argument over some D&D rules. I live for the back and forth. His birthday's coming up and I just ordered him a model of a Romulan warbird. I fucking love him and how nerdy he is. He makes me feel so comfortable. I dig it. His dog is kind of a huge cock block though. A beautiful sweet baby but, he always need to be directly between us! It's hard to be mad about it too because he's so fucking sweet! I'm going to go spend the night with him tonight. Spitfire's over at Kirk's right now so when she gets home we'll catch up and then swap out.

I've been talking to someone new. A woman this time. Not sure it's going to work out though. She's super cute and super cool and all but, the disregard which she speaks about sex with partners worries me. I'm not looking for anything exclusively sexual and if the inference about her high sexual turnover is to be believed then that would make her a high risk for our whole poly network. I don't feel like it's fair for me to decide to take that risk for everyone. It's definitely something I'd need to talk to her about and get more clarification on. Also, her preferences tend toward a more dom/sub dynamic. Seems like all the women I meet feel that way which is unfortunate as fuck for me. I'm just not a very dominant guy. It feels rude to me to assert that kind of dominance on other people, in a way that goes against something in my very core. It would be nice to find a new partner, but I am definitely content with making a new female friend.

I've been hanging out with Kirk a bit. He's kind of become one of my best friends. It's been cool. When Spitfire was busy mourning Picard, I called him in for reinforcements. He came over and we both spent the night loving on her. We even both snuggled her all night. It made her feel a lot better. I'm glad she found a dude like him.

And that's where I've been the last few months. Hope everyone is doing
 

fuchka

Active member
This is a really lovely update. Sounds like poly is working out for you and you're really thoughtful about how you're moving through it. Thanks for sharing
 
Top