Hello everyone. I’m 41 years old and have been in a marriage with my husband for 20 years. We’ve had some pretty hard rough patches over the last few years and have been to counselling. At the same time, I’ve watched him fall deeply in love with a young, exciting, beautiful and talented woman. It shook our marriage a lot because we weren’t on great footing when she entered the picture and a lot of ‘security’ for us has been wrapped up in a very strong monogamous view of relationships. But when we first met her (2 years ago), there was an instant sizzling chemistry between them. They were in contact daily and became very emotionally connected. My insecurities were burning me and he experienced a lot of guilt. He tried to downplay the relationship, trying to say she was maybe more like a sister. He seemed confused and I was convinced I was watching him leave me without him actually admitting it. But his feelings for her were so deep and the connection they had wasn’t just ENR and at the same time he couldn’t imagine life without me because we love experiencing life together. When he learned about polyamory and started reading into it, it started to make a lot of sense for us. This was last month. So as of last month my husband identified for the first time as poly. After a lot of dialogue, insecurities became obvious and easier to drop because we could see how they were connected to a relational form which was chosen for us. Now we want to shape and define our relationship(s). So the three of us are now moving forward in a mono-poly relationship and trying to work out logistics, etc. But since it’s so new, I struggle a lot with insecurities still. I’m here to find encouragement...support for the decisions that I am making which in my mind are loving, caring, supportive and giving room for our relationship to grow. But there’s still a side of me that screams in agony (“What woman, who respects herself, would ever allow herself to be in this situation? How can you say you’re ok with this?”) We each have a good friend or family member who supports us and makes sure we’re being honest with ourselves. Currently, none of us are interested in bringing other people into our constellation because this seems overwhelming and intense enough. My hope is that someone here might be willing to offer some anecdotes and advice which relate to my situation. Thank you.