My boyfriend wants the keep having threesomes but refuses to talk about what went wrong, gets mad when I try

Bustamove42086

New member
Some people talk about sex like "Getting laid." I prefer to say "share sex" instead.

"Getting laid" is like "getting some fries" or "getting a soda." You don't really care what's going on in the fast food worker's life or what's up with the soda machine so long as you get the fries or the soda.

"Share sex" implies that sex is a shared experience where you hope to be a good sharer, and expect the partner(s) to be a good sharer back. Not just treating the other person like a dispensing sex machine or like a treadmill you go for a jog on.



Could seek a different therapist.

But really is it all that different? If you were talking about 1:1 sex with your partner where he's only interested in how it goes for him and doesn't really care how the experience goes for you? It's kinda the same in a threesome where he is only interested in how it goes for him and doesn't really care how the experience goes for you.

Still gonna be blah for you both ways.



Best at sharing sex? I don't know how "good" he can be if he's not willing to talk to partners to make sure they're having a good time being there.

If he's just wanting to be the "best" at getting himself off? Well... if he gets off I guess that's all that matters to him.

I don't know where the sex judges are giving the score card after each performance. In his mind, I guess. So if he's busy telling himself he's all that in his mind, he's not gonna want to hear ACTUAL feedback from partners.

What do YOU want to be doing in your relationships? How do YOU want to be treated?

Galagirl
He does take anything related to sex very personally (if He doesn’t make me cum, which is rare, he acts offended; he loves hearing he’s the best). I just want to feel like we’re on the same page and like he genuinely cares about how I feel and how comfortable I am. He’s always said he does, but actions not words.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
He does take anything related to sex very personally (if He doesn’t make me cum, which is rare, he acts offended; he loves hearing he’s the best).

So your orgasms are not about your pleasure? But are ego strokes for him? A ruler that "prove" he's the best, so if you don't cum he's annoyed because he didn't get the sex points on that round?

I just want to feel like we’re on the same page and like he genuinely cares about how I feel and how comfortable I am. He’s always said he does, but actions not words

To me when I get mixed messages? Words and actions don't match?

I believe the actions. Cuz talk is cheap, and people can lie.

Galagirl
 

FallenAngelina

Well-known member
(if He doesn’t make me cum, which is rare, he acts offended; he loves hearing he’s the best).
This would be a big giant flapping red flag for me.

Guys who are offended and overly attached to "making" their parter orgasm have a lot of internal conflict going on that I am in no position to help them with. In this set-up, I am not free to explore my sexuality, I exist only to perform for my partner's gratification and fragile ego. This and all of the jerking off/cold shoulder whiplash would indicate to me that this person is not a suitable candidate for a poly partnership. He's extremely conflicted. He may or may not mature beyond this, but right now he's not emotionally educated enough to be a healthy parter in a polyamorous agreement. Satisfying polyamory requires a great deal of emotional maturity and self awareness.
 
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