My life in boxes.. I'll give this a try

Frankie

Member
Green has been busy working on night shifts and with entertaining our other two kids, when he is home he keeps himself occupied in his downtime with his online games, and he has gotten into fermenting hot sauces, which is actually kind of great. I like hearing that he is keeping himself busy.

I went and saw Red on Friday. Green and I double checked my car insurance to make sure I have emergency towing and rental car coverage, and we've worked out that tomorrow he will be calling another repair shop that we used a few years ago. This other repair shop has always been better priced than the dealership, so we are hoping it won't cost as much to repair my car there. And with the stimulus, maybe I can get the car repaired and maybe we will have enough money to get started on Green's car repairs too. So with that I decided to visit Red. I got to Red's place and he was well into a project of rearranging his house. So I just jumped right in. He kind of gave me this 'I'm sorry' look when I walked in the door, but I was actually happy to help. With his arthritis, he has a hard time moving some things and I know he had been talking about wanting to do some rearranging, so I had a sneaky suspicion it would come up at some point. So I spent 4 hours moving and cleaning stuff, it just wasn't at my house.... Afterwards we watched a few episodes of shows that Red has now deemed as shows we will watch together (mainly because I can't stream at my house), and I headed home. I offered to take his laundry with me and we decided that on Sunday I'd bring it back. He usually does laundry at a friends house, but because of covid his friend's room mate isn't keen on him coming over to do laundry.

So when I brought the laundry back up today, I hung out and we watched some more episodes of shows and he asked if I was hungry and offered to buy me dinner as a thanks for the laundry. So while we were ordering I asked him to order my son a specific meal and was pulling out cash to give him for it, but he told me not to worry about it. I thought it was really kind of him. Usually it is just he and I when we are together, and we usually always trade on paying for meals we share, he pays one time and I pay the next, or I cook and then he cooks. But this is the first time since I've been back that we've ordered food and while I accepted him paying for mine, I wasn't expecting him to pay for the meal I'd take back to my son. So it was really kind of him. We ate and then sat and cuddled on the couch. I think I've been feeling touch deprived since I've been here; it calms me and relaxes me, I like sitting close with Green and Red and even if it is just holding hands or tangling my feet with theirs. Red rubbed my back and played with my hair and held my hand and we cuddled and that was just a perfect relaxing evening.

I also asked Red today if I could put him as my local emergency contact on paperwork for the doctors and such. Green would be listed as my spouse, but since he isn't currently local, I think it would be important for Red to be contacted too. I know Green would be really worried if something were to happen to me when it is just my youngest son and I here. Red said he didn't mind at all, but then also said, he just always states he has no local contacts on all his paperwork. That was when I was like, "well, um, I'd really like to know if something happened to you. You could always put me down, now that I'm back". I don't know if he will, but at least he knows now, in case he didn't before.
 

Frankie

Member
Yesterday, I got a quote to get my car fixed, which was half the price of the dealership. We've all come to the conclusion that the dealership was seriously wanting to over charge for the parts and labor. We aren't sure why, but the part it's self was nearly twice the price of what it would cost us to get it directly from VW, and either labor was through the roof in price or they were charging us for many more hours than it should take to replace it. So when we made the appointment at the other auto shop, it was a relief to hear a much lower price, so I have my car scheduled for service 2 weeks from now (the earliest appointment). We've also done a lot of reading online, and other people have been able to drive around for a while in their cars with the same issue, so it seems like, while it still causes problems, I should be able to get around and back home until the service is done.

We also got a quote for Green's car, and we think we can swing both car repairs by the end of the month. Which will be good.

And today, I picked up Red from dropping his car off at a mechanic and spent the day with him so I could take him to pick it back up. Red's car still needs work, but they are trying to find a specific part from a junk yard, but they told him, he would be fine driving it around for now. Red is going to help me get my car to the shop and pick it up.

So hopefully I can stop worrying about all that soon. I dropped a trunk full of stuff from my house off at goodwill today (so I can make room to take more stuff) and picked up some groceries. Then Red and I mostly just watched the news about the events in DC today. I never watch the news, but with everything going on, it was nice to have Red sitting beside me and chat with about it all.

Topaz (maybe it will be easier to name the kids too) stayed home. Today was going to be a big day, because it was the first time Red had a chance to invite any of the kids over. Since the kids still don't know Red as my partner, but just as my best friend that I talk to a lot on the phone with; because for most of the relationship we've been long distance (with lots of visits on my end), he hasn't had a chance to get to know the kids. They met him before we started seeing each other, but I'm not sure any of them really remember him. So Red, invited Topaz to come with me and bring his Xbox so he could play on 'real high speed internet'. I double checked with Green if he was cool with it, and he said he didn't mind if Topaz went to Red's with me and said he'd probably really enjoy being able to download updates and actually play online. But Topaz decided to stay home. He is a pretty shy kid, and covid gives him the absolute best excuse ever to stay home, which is what he loves to do. So I let Red know Topaz wasn't coming up this time, but now that Topaz knows there is someone we could visit with 'real internet' he might not be able to pass up a visit the next time he needs to download a bunch of stuff at once. (our internet is absolute shittiest "high speed (satellite) internet" I've ever had. I mean it rivals the dial up I had as a teen... it is just missing the sound effects.)
 

Frankie

Member
I had to euthanize my cat. We didn't know she had lymphoma, until it was way too late. It was like one moment she was her normal self, and the next, she was gone. It was a hard adjustment, she was only 5 years old, and apparently refused to accept it herself that she was sick. I miss her. It seems so silly to be so attached to a cat, especially because I have two others and a dog and three kids and a partner and a husband, but damn it... I wasn't prepared for that. Its been a few weeks now and I'm fine.

We all got our cars fixed, yay! It was all a little more money than each of us had planned, but it is done. That is a big relief.

Adding Jasper to our insurance as a new teen driver, has finally hit the insurance hard. Holy Toledo. I knew it was going to be expensive, but wasn't quite prepared for our insurance to go up $1,000 for our 6 month policy. People (me... I didn't) don't think about this when they have kids close together, but I'm absolutely unprepared for Garnet getting her license next year and Topaz not too long after her. Um, and I thought diapers and formula were the expensive stages, followed by three teenagers eating - being expensive. But I'm pretty sure three teenagers eating habits AND their car insurance takes the cake. Space... your... kids... out... Or hope and wish they are the kind that just don't want to drive. In all reality, Jasper does NOT actually want to drive, but he is almost 18 and he will be moving back to the family farm, so he needs to have his license and a car. It would be different if he were living in a city with public transportation.

So with all that said I'm on the hunt for work again, now that I'm settled in. I just need to get my drivers license switched over. Since I can't do a walk in appointment to do that, I have the first available appointment; at the end of the month. I've put it off because of money, its just one more thing to spend money on... but now I can't get a job until I get it done. But... I have applied for one. So we will see what happens.

Counting down the months till Green and Garnet get home! Less than a handful of months, I'm so freaking excited. I miss them. I think Topaz misses them too, even though he is in that 'nothing bothers me' stage of the teenage years.

Red has been so sweet lately, I absolutely adore him. I try to make it up at least twice a week to see him and spend time with him. I wish I could go up more often, but with his crazy work schedule we are lucky if we get two days. We've talked about doing a few things (like easy hikes, or just a drive somewhere), when he has an extra day off. So, fingers crossed.

I've finally hit the - I want to go out and do something - point of this whole covid event. I want to go see live music, and drink a beer at a bar. I drive by the breweries and wish I could go and sit and chat and laugh and have a good time. I think it is nostalgia, I'm home, I want to do all the things I used to do. But then, I look at people at the bars (in the outdoor seating areas) and online of people going out to eat and doing all the normal things, and I'm still firmly in the NOPE mindset. Like I just can't do it, even if I really want to have a pint and sit and chat. I know small businesses need the business, but I can't do it. But I really do miss live music.
 

Frankie

Member
Red has mentioned again that he is pretty sure he wants to end our romantic/sexual aspect of our relationship when Green gets back.

He is struggling with his feeling of mononormative relationship views and with Green being home soon. I honestly think part of it is just anxiety. The other part of it is he really wants to try to find someone who will be in a monogamous relationship with him. I think he still wants that 'perfect' 'ideal' relationship with someone he can grow old with.

As much as it hurts to hear that the end of our relationship as it is now, is on the horizon. I honestly can not fault him for it. I find myself starting to cry and then I'm like, fuck! I always told him it would be fine and that I understood Polyamory may just not be in his cards. I knew he had never been in a poly relationship and it wasn't something he really wanted. He just tried to do it because he fell head over heals for me, and it was easy for him to compartmentalize with Green on the other side of the country.

He started the conversation with how much he does love me and in how many ways, and how he absolutely wants me in his life as his friend. I had made a comment about him finding the right person and he quickly corrected me telling me I wasn't the wrong person, it just is the wrong time. He had again mentioned if we had met before I had married, how it would have all worked perfectly. And I told him, we honestly don't know that, because 17 years ago we were very different people, both of us. And he isn't considering that I would probably want Polyamory still.

I always told him I was willing to give up the sexual side of our relationship, and I would be ok with it, if it meant I wouldn't loose him as a friend. He worries that I won't want to be his friend if he finds someone else to be in a relationship with. I told him that wouldn't be the case; he has become a very important person in my life that I can turn to for anything and I would like it to stay that way. However I left it unspoken that my fear honestly is - what if he meets someone who would be jealous of the friendship I have with him.

Over the last few days I have had emotions swinging in both directions, from being extremely sad, to being happy to see him give this a go. I honestly just want him to be happy.

He told me he doesn't even know where to begin with dating. He wasn't looking for anyone when I met him 4 years ago, and when we got together 3 years ago, he said it had been 5 years since he had last had sex. So it's been a long time since he has even tried to look for someone to date. He said his brother had mentioned online dating, but he wasn't interested... Unless, maybe, if I would help him set it up. He said it jokingly, but knowing him, I actually think he may actually be serious in asking for my help. So I told him that even though I have no clue how any of it works. I would help him.

I can't hold onto threads of hope - but he did mention that he thinks he might want to reevaluate 6 months after Green gets home. One of his biggest anxiety driven factors is he feels he doesn't know Green that well; and when he (Red) is with me, he feels like he is a part of my family, but he can't be comfortable with that feeling with out knowing if he and Green are actually even friends. And he doesn't want our relationship to force their friendship.

Green is not one to talk on the phone with friends. But Green has always kind of felt Red was his friend. But Red feels like he barely knows Green. Neither will actually just call the other to chat. They do participate in saying hi and small conversation if I'm on video chat or speaker phone with one and in the same room with the other. But beyond that they don't communicate.

So I told Red, that is ok with me. We can touch bases and see if he would like to begin a romantic/sexual relationship again after 6 months of a break. But I'm going to try to not sit there and wait for him to make up his mind.

Green isn't going to be back home for a few more months, so I think now, Red and I are just kind of coasting in this area of knowing there is this weird change coming up between us. I don't know, I kind of feel like I need to laugh about it a little. Like there is definitely no script for this part.

Sometimes I feel like laughing, sometimes I feel like crying, sometimes I'm just genuinely pleased he feels comfortable enough with me to be able to talk about it like this. Overall I just want him to be happy, because I do absolutely love him, and if he is happy then I will find happiness in this new normal.
 

Frankie

Member
I guess I need to correct something above. If Red wants to wait 6 months (if we return to just being friends when Green gets back), and then reevaluate whether he wants to return to a romantic/sexual relationship, I'm not going to sit there for 6 months hoping he will. I will be there in 6 months and would be excited to have that part of the relationship back if he so chooses. But especially with how the pandemic is going and how long it takes me to even consider people as partners I highly doubt I would be moving on during that time. LOL Besides, I have so much crap to get done at home to prepare for next winter, I won't be doing much even if the pandemic suddenly becomes un-pandemic-y.

I mean to be honest I knew Red for a year before I took the leep. And the guy before him I knew for almost a year as well, before I flirted with him. And considering I barely leave my house and don't do online dating, chances are, I'll still be right here with just Green and the teens.

Red has been really quiet this week. I quickly get used to talking to him a few times a week between visits (over the phone, we don't text much), so when he has quiet weeks it's kind of noticable. But he called tonight and he had a good day. So it was nice to hear his voice and catch up, I'm headed up to visit him tomorrow. Last week I was snowed in, and couldn't visit.

Topaz had a birthday this week and got a DnD starter kit and like 100 dice, and made me play with him. I like games, but I have no clue about DnD. Topaz learned from my brother and his family, so he has been itching for his own starter kit. With his birthday money he bought another book and some mini figures. I don't know what paint to buy for them, so I'm going to have to do some research. Anyways, I was impressed, he sat down with his Dungeon Master book and read through it and gave me a sheet and the players books so I could try to catch up and create a character.... I think I did most of it right, I'm not sure. But we started our first game and completed one quest. Apparently I leveled up? I had a sidekick, because I was the only player... It was all a bit over my head, but he had fun. So that was good.

Jasper's birthday is coming up in two weeks and since he is turning 18 I have no clue what to get him. He is at this weird point where he has one gift he wants, and no other ideas. Lol. So Green and I kind of shrug and keep asking each other what we should get Jasper. I remember I just wanted money, but now I also know why I never got money as a gift when I was his age - money, like cash?! Yeah that all goes to bills, right now. Especially with Green and I just having fixed both of our cars. And adding Jasper onto our insurance.

I talked to Green today, basically I called him and said "It's Alive!". I got the truck started, the one that I haven't been able to start since November. Of course all the snow is mostly gone now and hopefully we won't be seeing it again, so the need for the truck now isn't as high of a priority, BUT, I could make use of it. Sadly it died again, twice. So I think while I need a new fuel filter, it's most likely an alternator that needs to be replaced. I'm going to pull the battery out and put it on a trickle charger and see if the battery holds a charge. But I'm kind of thinking it's not just the battery. I don't know, I don't know a whole lot about vehicles, just enough to get me by... At least with 30 year old vehicles. Lol. My car is a different story, direct fuel injection and coil packs - come again?

Besides that Green is good. The count down of days till he and Garnet are back home are getting shorter and I can't freaking wait! I miss the noise in the house, I miss other people being here. Topaz is wonderful, but since he is in full swing of the boy teen years, I barely see him; and I get so freaking bored sometimes. I cycle through my hobbies, I dabble in getting my barn cleaned up (yes, I am absolutely dragging my feet, I've got great excuses) and then I just sit there twiddling my thumbs. It is so hard to adjust to having only two people in the house when, for the last 15 years, I've had 4-5 people in the house most of the time. Even our dog is bored. Lol. I feel bad for her, I'm sure she is like "where is the other half of my pack?" - I'm feeling what she's feeling. Lol. BUT - the time IS getting shorter. Yay.
 

Frankie

Member
I got a new job, I'm currently in training, which is a nice change of pace. Except my sleeping habits have to adjust, I am not a morning person, never have been, but working means waking up early once again. I'll get into the swing of things soon enough. But working really helps me get out of the funk of not getting stuff done around the house. When I get home from work I try to work on some little things I need to do at home that I have put off, which has been nice.

I have some new health things popping up, so while I'm working now I'm also kind of dealing with a number of doctors appointments. The big one involved the possibility of cancer, but a blood test came back stating it is likely it is not cancer. They say the tests aren't 100% but I have another appointment next week for another doctor to look over the imaging I had done two weeks ago. So I am just waiting for more info, it is likely I'll need surgery in the next few months, but it should be fairly simple.

We got some work done on the truck, so it is running reliably now but still needs more work. Basically it needs a new power steering pump and power steering box, it leaks, but as long as I fill up the power steering fluid I can drive it. Which is helpful since my car is once again going back into the shop. More intake issues (possibly a faulty part); if I could afford to, I would trade it in and be done with it. I am going to cross my fingers that this next trip to the mechanic will fix it for good. As soon as that is fixed I will be saving up to get the power steering stuff for the truck done.

Red has been working a ton. I've visited the past few weekends and he's helped me get a few things done too. Everything is really good between us, we've settled back into our normal routine, even knowing things may change in a few months. I think we are both just going with the flow. We both really value the time we spend together. He was really concerned when I told him about my health stuff and has been supportive. We've been doing more cooking, when I see him on the weekends one of us usually will cook dinner, which has been fun. He subscribed to a new streaming service for me, so I could catch up on a few shows. Mainly TWD series and the other spin offs from the show. He doesn't like watching them, but he knows I haven't been able to watch any of it, so it was a really nice of him. He decided there were other things he could watch so he was happy to do it. I'll have to go up while he's working to really catch up on all my shows. LOL My work schedule might include Wednesdays off... That might be the perfect time to go up there and binge my shows.

Oh! I got my first Covid shot! My 2nd will be at the end of the month. Red already got his, so he is excited for me, because it means we might feel more comfortable going to a few places. Of course we will still socially distance and wear masks, but we could actually do something without as much worry. I still think it will be a while before any of us will really feel comfortable and feel some sense of getting back to 'normal' but at least it feels like a step in that direction.

Green still hasn't gotten his covid Vaccine; thankfully if he doesn't before he comes home, he will be able to get one here when he gets home. I sent off the check to secure his retirement venue, and we have a couple of friends coming out to go camping with us to celebrate. I'm super excited. His retirement will be tiny, the venue I wanted is a small museum, they have a wonderful outdoor display with a little courtyard area, I booked that and their meeting room (just in case it rains). In two months Green and Garnet will be home!! Topaz has been counting down the days, I think he has gotten bored having just me around all the time. So we are both very excited. It also reminds me of just how much work I have to do, to have space in the barn for stuff being moved home from the apartment.

Jasper called me last week and has been having some concerns surrounding depression. He has ADHD, and I told him with everything going on the past few years and the fact he is facing a move that will separate him from all of us, that it is absolutely understand and not something to be ashamed of. So Green and I tried to get him in to see a therapist, but nothing is available in their area, so he is on a wait-list for tele-health. They contacted him a few days ago and he explained how he was moving soon and they said it wouldn't effect his position on the wait-list. Of course, I told Jasper that he could just come home with Green and Garnet, but he is very set on his decision to move to the family farm. I am sure he will be fine, but it is scary knowing he has some concerns with depression and I'm not physically there to be with him. (I have clinical depression and avoidance anxiety; so it hit me hard to hear he has concerns about it.) Green has done great though, so I'm not too worried, I know he will support Jasper in all the ways he has supported me. It's just my mama-bear type instincts kicking in. And the fact that Jasper is stepping out into the adult world, I already miss him not being home with me. I still think the fact that he isn't coming back home hasn't quite hit me yet, how do you deal with your oldest kid becoming an adult? He's always just been there, with me. I have big feelings about this, but I'm also excited for him. I know he has a good support system at the family farm too.
 

Frankie

Member
My new job has me pretty busy during the week. Now that my training is done I did an additional interview to move up to the original position I applied for and now, I'm reconsidering how many hours I actually want to work. If they had it their way I would be working a schedule like next Monday where I start at 6:30 am work for a few hours, then work a few hours in the mid day, then work from 2:30-830pm. Not cool dude. That's not the every day schedule, but days like that test my commitment to the job. Usually I work a split shift between 6am and 4pm (which is already tiring enough). I'm not working to kill myself. I will probably give it a few months and then decide if I want to step back into the lower paid position which equals less hours. I enjoy the job, but with Garnet and Green coming home soon, and with all my feelings of Topaz spending so much time alone currently, I'm a little unsure at this point. Besides, getting up at 4 am is still, not exactly my favorite thing to do. I make enough working less hours to cover the amount I feel like I need. So, I don't know. We will see.

Anyways, I got my second shot and it kicked my ass. Apparently I'm one of 16% of the pfizer shot people, who had major swelling of my lymph nodes. It was so painful starting about 12 hours after my shot and the pain was intense for two days. I had an additional three days of tenderness. I also had major fatigue and a slight fever off and on and a little bit of sinus issues. If it was just the fatigue and fever and sinus stuff, I think I wouldn't have felt so bad. But the swelling of my lymph nodes meant that moving my arm any was, painful, and the left side of my chest and back hurt. Actually I did have joint and muscle pain too all up and down my left side. But it's all over now and that feels good to be done with.

Green will be getting his second shot soon, which means, when he gets home he will be all vaccinated. Jasper and Garnet are headed to the Family farm. Jasper will be getting his first shot soon. Garnet and Topaz will have to wait until it opens up for the under 16 group.

Green will be having his pack out of the apartment at the end of next week, and will finish up his retirement paperwork and then will head to the farm to pick up Garnet and then they will be on their way home. I'm beyond excited.

Two Sundays ago Red and I had an awesome day, we went out and about and enjoyed the nice weather, got a beer at a brewery (outside) and had lunch somewhere else (we we early for lunch so only a few other tables had people, it made my anxiety go down a lot about actually being inside a restaurant). It was really really nice to do something. Last weekend Red and I grilled out on his porch, the sun was intense (in the PNW = big ball of fire in the sky), but nice. I didn't visit this past Wednesday, since it was nice out I got some work done in my garden instead. Red's schedule is still chaotic, so it worked out anyways. I'll be visiting tomorrow. Then Red goes on vacation for a week, but most of it he is going to visit family. So I'll see him the following Sunday.

I have a land surveyor coming out to my property the first week of May. We had to bite the bullet and pay for it, our neighbors have a fence they are putting up and while I have the survey paperwork from the original survey of the property, we can only locate one of our corners. We think it is one of our corners anyways. But I THINK the neighbors have their fence line on our property. So nearly $3,000 to have the land surveyed and boundaries and corners marked. Eventually we want to do a parameter fence of our 5 acres, but we don't have the money set aside for it yet. But in the end we would have needed the survey anyways, so it'll work out for us. WA has a 10 year law, on encroaching on someone's property I think, and the neighbors started their t-post fence just as we were leaving 3 years ago, and they've slowly been adding to it. So I want to nip this in the bud before much longer. I know it wasn't started before 3 years ago. And we bought in 2015, when we received the previous survey (it dates back to the 90's I think). Anyways, I'm happy to get that sorted. If their fence is on our property, once the survey is filed with the county, we will have to ask them to move it. If they don't, then we will have to take them to court.

Also in the first week or two of May I should be receiving the house hold goods from the apartment. Which means I actually really do, need to finish up with the barn. But after the truck got fixed, it ended up having a grounding issue the last time I drove it and I almost didn't make it home (that day we also had a freak hail storm which was like driving on marbles, there was so much hail on the road, the whole day was weird). But because of that I can't get trash and some bigger items to the dump, which puts me in a bit of a pickle. But I've decided if all else fails, I will move the big items out of the barn and under a tarp, to make room for the apartment shipment.

I've cleaned up most of my garden and just need to finish replacing some fencing and that should be good. I'm attempting at getting things growing, but I do not have a green thumb, so... We will see. I did get some hop plants to surprise Green with and put up too arching trellises, with some hog panels I took down from the old wooded pasture area (we used to raise pigs, but I need to take all the fencing down and do some work on the wooded pasture before we get pigs again). I want to get chickens, but my old hoop house caved in while we were in CT, so I am trying to find a more permanent option before getting them. I also have to deconstruct the old hoop house, but along with 500 other projects, it's going to wait until Green is home.

Oh I got a lawnmower, the reel kind, no engine, you just push it and it spins. I put it together and did half of the front yard yesterday. I woke up this morning to Topaz outside mowing the other half of the yard. He was like, "I thought you could use a break.". It was super cool of my 14 year old, he's an awesome dude. I honestly think he was bored, but also excited to use the new tool. LOL His sleep schedule rotates, this week he has been sleeping while I'm at work so he is still awake in the early mornings when I get up. So he was mowing at 7 am. I don't worry too much about his sleep schedule, since he gets all of his stuff done that I ask or expect of him. He still is perfectly happy not leaving the house, so occasionally I drag him out to go shopping with me or do other things. But I know all that will change when Green and Garnet get home.

Oh before I forget, Green got a new job!! So freaking excited for him. Yes, he is retiring from his previous job, but retirement at 40, isn't what it used to be. Lol He is excited about his next adventure. So that's good. Red thinks, he could have given himself a few months off between jobs to celebrate retirement a little bit. LOL.
 

Frankie

Member
Once again it has been a year since I've updated. This has been one of the most trying years.



The ongoing pandemic, of course, makes everything harder. But let's see.



Green loves his new job, but hasn't had time to explore any poly lifestyle stuff. Garnet and Topaz are 16 and 15, and this new pandemic lifestyle seems to suite them perfectly fine. They are like hobbits, their little 5 acre homestead "shire" in the woods - it is their little Hobbit world - with internet access. They are content to limit outings by their choice, and sometimes I worry about them. But they are still happy go lucky, so who knows.



Red, well, Red is still himself. We haven't had a sexual relationship since shortly after Green got home. But I don't think that is all completely because of him, I ended up having a serious drop in sex drive. Maybe it is stress, maybe it is the start of menopause, I don't know. But it's annoying for me, but Red and Green are both very understanding. And since Red already wanted a break to figure things out, timing seemed to work out.



With all that said. I am back on the east coast. I'll get into that in a minute.



After my last post, we did get the land surveying done, and my neighbors fence was completely on my property. They eventually removed it, it wasn't too hard of an issue to resolve. Let's see... Oh I quit my stressful job, and eventually found part time work with an established package delivery company that I actually really enjoyed. I got two new sheds on the property, one for storage and one for chickens - and then I got chickens. Next we had to get a whole new roof on the house due to some leaks. That was an unexpected holiday ordeal, but we survived. And then... The reason I'm on the east coast.



My mom has cancer. It was very aggressive and she had surgery in January when they thought it wasn't cancerous, and it turned out that it was. The type of cancer and the placement were really odd. She called, telling me she was going to have Neuro surgery and I immediately flew out, expecting to be here for a few weeks. Once we found out how serious it was I committed to staying until all treatment was done. So... That means I'm here for a few more months. It's been a long 4 months so far. But we are managing.



Due to the cancer we've really been house bound on the farm. To be safe because of COVID, and even the common cold, almost no one visits. We did manage to take a trip for 4 days to the beach. Which was really great for my mom; she hasn't been in years. But. Life has been pretty quiet here. Her chemo is intense. It's been quiet but hard.



The good news, I've gotten to see Jasper (my oldest kid) a few times. His life is going great. He is now at his second job (his first job was part time, this one is full time and in a trade), and makes really good money and has a girlfriend and lives in NC with her... That last part seemed really rushed for all of us. But I guess they are learning as they go. I've just double and triple checked that they are using protection when having sex and there is birth control used and all that. I don't think I want to be a grandma already. They seem to be making good choices.



But that is the quick update for now.



Green and Red are so incredibly supportive through my Mom's Cancer and me being back out east, I'm lucky to have them both in my life. Even if Red and I just continue being platonic when I get home. I still consider him family and I think there is room for non sexual relationships in Polyamory.
 

Frankie

Member
So last May through June included Green and Garnet coming home. They had a great trip across the country checking out the Arch in St. Louis and then the Salt Flats in UT.

Once they got home and everything settled down, we had a Retirement party for Green. It was just two other sets of friends and us. We camped at a state park on the ocean. These friends had been around since the beginning of Green's career, and we typically hang out every few years during major life events. They are those kinds of friends where you don't have to talk to them very often, but when you get together it is as if you've never been apart. It was really great getting to see them. Originally we had planned a huge retirement event, but little by little we realized travel wasn't going to work for everyone because of COVID. Had covid not been a thing we would have had our friends from England out and our parents from the east coast, and friends from HI.

After the party, Green started working at his new job. The kids settled into their new routine. And we started working on house repairs and updates. The summer got super hot, and one of the hottest weeks we ended up deciding to get a round stock tank, to create a soaking pool. Hilarity ensued. The problem being that our well water sits at about 50° F. So... Even after we filled it and outdoor temps hit over 100° F. We struggled to get the water temps over the mid 70's. So it was rarely used as intended. However it did cool us off for quick dips and soaking legs. Lol we tried an on demand water heater we had sitting around, we tried pool toppers, we tried hoses sitting in the sun and pumps to move water. We even eventually bought an inline hot tub heater that we attached after our pool filter. And the struggle was real. By the time we got it warm enough to swim in, summer was pretty much over.

During all of that, Green and I bit the bullet and bought an RV. We have been avid tent campers since moving to the PNW, and this was the sign of true retirement. I wasn't too keen on the idea, but I will confess, camping in the rain is so much easier now. Green also had to get a truck to pull the camper, it was used, but in great condition. Green also got a new puppy.

Green settled into his new retirement life pretty quickly. It's been fun. His new job is part time working from home and part time working in various offices. He loves it.

We did a few BBQs with Red and I still visited Red weekly. Red laughed at our failed attempt at a pool and was excited about the RV, we decided we could all totally use it to go to music events in the future. Red came and stayed the night in the RV for Thanksgiving, it was great having him over for the holiday weekend. The kids enjoyed him visiting, it was really the first time they actually really met him and hung out with him. He brought his Nintendo Switch and his games and the kids had a blast as we all spent most of the time playing games.

During the fall/winter, in our new camper, Green and the kids and I did a few rounds of Razor clamming out on the ocean. That was lots of fun. Red was supposed to join on one of the trips but his work schedule had changed last minute and he couldn't come.

I'll return and update more as it all comes back to mind.
 

Frankie

Member
So. Let's see.

Since Red and I were on a break romantically and sexually since shortly after Green got home, we still hung out and did all kinds of stuff, but by his choice we aren't partners in that sense. In fact I can't really describe it, because he is still very much someone I enjoy in my life. We talk regularly and before I left to take care of mom we hung out regularly, but sex and romantic aspects weren't a part of it anymore. His choice, but I also hit a real low in my sex drive around that time too, so it is possible if I was more interested in sex it could have possibly happened. But by his terms we were on a break and I respected it and my sex drive was non existent anyways.

It really only confused me once.

So, Green and I had his retirement party. Our friends that were there, began as Green's friends and I was introduced to them when I met Green 19 years ago. Hmmm. They need names, I'm bad at names. Let's see Kat and Tom (married to each other), and Tori and Stan (married). So actually, Stan used to be married to someone else, but then married his highschool girlfriend Tori, once the first marriage ended. So she is fairly new in the group, but is loved just the same.

So way back when Green and I were first together there were some undertones that Kat and Stan were messing around with each other, but it was never brought up and eventually didn't really matter. And Green and I have missed out on a few cruises that the two couples went on that apparently were full of fun and nakedness, but Green and I never inquired further detail. Both couples and us all have a very free friendship that really has no boundaries, but also no clear discussion on the topic of what is acceptable. Literally if I could have a chosen polycule it would resemble how I feel around this group. For example the first time I met Tori as Stan's new partner, I was literally glued to Stan's side because I hadn't seen him in years, his arm was wrapped around me and mine around him during most of the night. Tori didn't blink an eye and when I apologized early on in the evening and realized and stepped away from Stan, she encouraged the interaction. It didn't go any further than just standing around with an arm around each other while drinking and talking. This was about 6 years ago, Green was working during this event, but had he been there he also wouldn't have batted an eye.

When Stan divorced his first wife and before he got together with Tori, he was in a really down and out place, and at one point did try to kiss me. I deflected and he took it well. I hugged him and he returned home. This was like 12 years ago. I told Green when this happened and he had said that Stan had always liked me and he wasn't surprised.

So when Green had attended Stan's retirement, I was working and couldn't travel. The group was just like they have always been free and open and playful, etc. Green had a moment on the couch where him and Kat cuddled on the couch and Green had rested his arm across Kats shoulders and Kat held his hand to her chest. Kat also at one point told Green to stay, when Tom came in the room. All was well. But it did remind Green just how much he enjoys Kat and he realized how much he really is interested in her. But nothing further happened.

So as we were gearing up for Green's retirement we were joking about him and Kat's interaction and we had a short conversation that if anything happened within the group it would be enjoyed by either of us.

The weekend was filled with typical joking and freedom in movement around all of us. Green cuddled around a camp fire with Kat a few times. Stan and I had a few moments where he made comments to me, but I just took it as typical group comments. And Tori was just being herself and Stan was making the same comments to her. Basically we all referenced sexual things and such as we always have. But one night after Green went to bed and Tori went to bed, and it was just Kat and Tom and Stan and I around the fire. Stan wanted to cuddle with me and I was happy to cuddle with him. Eventually though it was just Stan and I and he initiated more and we kissed and eventually had sex. It was really 20 years of pent up energy that I hadn't realized I had held, and he had mentioned the same at the end.

The next day Stan and I set up Green's retirement stuff and we never really talked about it, but it wasn't because we felt awkward, it was just because we were back to normal. After camping Tori and Stan went back to Kat and Tom's house before heading back to their home in another state and we went home. Green and I went back over to Kat and Tom's house after we got all our stuff home, because we had talked with Kat and Tom about hot tub time after the trip. When we got there Stan and Tori were waking up from naps and we were there to see them off on their trip home. Hugs and loving words all around.

Green and I had talked about what Stan and I had done and Green was grinning from ear to ear wanting all the details. My only problem was I was hung up on whether Tori knew or not, because of course sober me realizes I never asked Stan if Tori was ok with it and I didn't want to bring it up to her. I know Kat and Tom knew that was where Stan and I were headed that night. But they didn't say anything the next day and all was as normal as it usually was.

But as per our normal relationship I just don't talk to Stan or Tori on any sort of regular basis so I haven't talked to him about it since, or her either. So of course that guilt has crept up in concern for Tori, but Green is confident I shouldn't worry. But that guilt also spilled over to whether I should talk to Red about it, but I haven't because we've been romantically and sexually on a break.
So, part of me says it isn't of concern to him. I don't think he would respond negatively, but I also don't talk to him about my sex life with Green. So I have mixed feelings over the whole thing. Not because of me, I enjoyed it, but because of the unknown.
 

Frankie

Member
So about 3 weeks ago we got great news, the chemo my mom is receiving is working, the cancer in the soft tissue is mostly gone. There is still cancer in her bone.

She was diagnosed with very rare presentation of lymphoma. I've been on the east coast since the very end of January, when she first an Neuro surgery. And she has completed 5 of her 6 chemo treatments so far. She has two different types of treatment to go after he 6th cycle of chemo. We are hoping after it is all said and done that the cancer left in the bone will be gone.

I am scheduled to head back to the PNW at the end of August. Mostly because Green and I will be taking the kids to see Hamilton on stage in September! But also, 7 months is just a really long time for me to be away from home.

There is some talk of Jasper possibly coming back to the PNW with me. But it depends on what he and his girlfriend decide. I can say, I'm a little excited to have my oldest son back closer to home. But I'm trying not to get my hopes up. They have some stipulations to make and follow before the move. They have to save up so they have the money to make the cross country trip themselves, and still have savings to go towards getting their own place once they have new jobs and all that. Currently our home is too small for them to live in, with us. So we told them they can use the RV if they come out, to live in on our property while they look for new work, and until they work enough to build more savings to get their own place. Or they can save enough and put a small cabin on the property. Whatever works best.

Eventually Green and I want to build a two story (dry - meaning no bathroom or kitchen) addition on the house. But we are still a little ways off from even beginning that. So our options are fairly limited if Jasper and his girlfriend do move out. But it would be supper exciting to have them home.

Currently Green is working with a contractor to finally cut a drivable fence line, on our property through the woods. It is one of our big projects that we have been puting off for a while now. Mainly because we were waiting on the survey to be done, and then we had an unexpected full roof replacement on the current house.

We only have 5 acres, but it is thick with undergrowth, and we can only make trails by our selves. So we are super excited to get this fence line cut. It will mean, better access to the rest of the property and to our seasonal creek. It will also mean more room to raise a few more farm animals and put up out buildings, freeing up space around the house.

This same contractor is also taking out a few dangerous trees around the house. Which means we will have plenty of firewood this winter. This is super exciting because our winter electric bill goes through the roof when we use the electric furnace.

We still have one repair left on our house to do. It was supposed to get done in Jan or Feb, but since I left, it got put on the back burner. When we had our roof done, a few joists had to be replaced. One of those joists broke under a contractors foot and his foot went through my bathroom ceiling . Their company doesn't contract for indoor repair work so we accepted an amount to be subtracted from our total costs, to pay for the repair. So we still need to hire someone to come in and repair my bathroom ceiling. Part of the reason we held off was because we want to go ahead and remodel that bathroom at the same time. So instead of trying to do it while I'm away, Green is working on other things outside of the house and we stapled up plastic for the time being. So when I get home it's the first project on our list. We've settled on the idea of putting in a separate free standing tub and a walk in tile shower. If I can have my way the whole bathroom will be a wet room, that drains to the shower drain, for ease of cleaning. But I might just have to settle on redoing the ceiling and ripping out the old tub/shower and the closet area and just focusing on adding a new tub and shower and leaving the rest of the bathroom to do at a later point. If I also had my way, instead of a free standing tub I would have a sunken tub, but I'm not sure about the logistics and cost. So we will just have to see.

Red and Green were going to go do lunch last month, just to catch up and hang out, but Green's schedule ramped up with working away from home, so they didn't get it scheduled in time, and weekends are full of projects, so they've put it off for now.

I talk to Red about once a week now, and we are usually just catching up and talking about all that life is throwing at us right now. He is always very supportive on what I'm dealing with, with my mom, and always asking what's the latest happenings back home with Green and the kids. He and Green have texted a few times, which is funny, because that usually never happens.

I can usually tell when Red misses me, because he will watch homesteading and farming videos on you tube and tell me all about them. He is NOT into homesteading or farming, he hates garden work and mowing, and generally doesn't know one thing about raising animals. But... Occasionally, he will go down a rabbit hole on you tube and come up with all kinds of info to share with me about what he watched and learned about homesteading and farming. It usually leads to hilarious conversations that drag on about what he saw and how I do things the same or differently. It pretty funny. I enjoy conversations out of the blue like that.

Well, that's all for now.
 

Frankie

Member
So, Green and I bought a car through Carvanna, and I have got to say it was the easiest process ever. No dealership, no salespeople, no add ons or mark ups, etc. The best car buying process we have dealt with, the car arrived last week. We had completed the order the week before, and set a delivery date. We got a message the day before the pending delivery saying there was a delay, but it was simple to reschedule and the car arrived. Green drove it all last week and is happy with it. It's a used hybrid suv, and it was in great shape and gets great gas milage.

Green has to get my car back into the shop (for a pesky check engine light - it actually runs great, but there is a computer thing our mechanic didn't have to tune the intake), and then we will be putting it up for sale. I love the car, but it isn't practical now that we are back home.

Red and Green talked and Red is going to meet Green at the mechanic to drop my car off and give Green a ride home.

Green helped Red pick up a moped Red bought. He has been wanting a motorcycle since I've known him. He used to own one before I met him. But he settled on moped he found. He said he will use it to get back into riding (and commuting to and from work) and eventually trade it in for a motorcycle he wants to order. I saw a picture of said moped after he and Green got it on the back of the truck and it is pretty big. I think they said it weighs 450lbs. He was all excited about it. Red was trying to convince Green he needed to get his motorcycle license, and Green said he wasn't interested. Green likes 4 wheels on the ground. Red was super excited to tell me all about his new moped after they got it back home. He also was trying to convince me to get my motorcycle license. I told him I'm ok with just riding along for now. I'm not all that interested in having my own motorcycle or moped.

Besides Reds last big idea was that we all get our sailing license. And while I have no desire to sail in the open ocean (this is one of Reds big dreams - to sail from Seattle to HI) I wouldn't mind sailing in the various waterways around us. So Green and I are saving up for sailing lessons. Red used to sail, way back when, but I don't think he ever had a formal sailing license, so we were all planning on doing all the lessons together.

So I told him I had to prioritize, and sailing beat motorcycle for me.

Let's see. Mom's cancer treatment is nearing its end, which is exciting. But also a little scary since now the realization is once she is in remission it is almost going to always feel like a ticking clock for it to return. But we are all trying to keep positive.

I'll be headed home in two months, and it looks like... Jasper and his girlfriend will be coming too. They've settled on their decision. Which opens a whole new can of anxiety for me. I really do want Jasper to come home, but I worry about 100 things that aren't even on the radar yet. We've settled that they will stay in the RV until they start working and then we will sort their next steps into better living arrangements. Whether it is a cabin on our property or a rental somewhere else. I guess I will have to give his girlfriend a name on here when all of this happens. My parents are warning me, jokingly, that grandchildren are in my near future. And honestly I believe Jasper and his girlfriend are very aware and are taking all precautions against pregnancy, but anything can happen.... And while logically I know it is a possibility, I am just not feeling like I'm old enough to accept that I can be a grandmother in the next few years... My step-mother likes to joke that she was a grandmother at 35 (when I gave birth to Jasper), but, she is also only 14 years older than me, so... (No age shaming here, because Red is actually 14 years older than me. - yep, do that math. Anyways) but, still Jasper is 19, and I was 19 when I had him, so I just hope they are serious about birth control. Mainly because, looking back, I still had plenty of growing up to do at 19. I would have been better prepared to have kids, when I was a little older.

Garnet and Topaz are excited to have their brother back, and excited to meet this new person in his life. They are not as excited about me telling them they need to find something they are interested in doing outside of the house, when I get home. I told them they are done with covid hermit life and it is time to get out of the house and do things. I reminded them that being homeschooled does actually involve doing thing outside of the house and if they don't choose, then I will ( honestly , I don't mind dragging them around to every museum and place I find interesting, as I have done their whole life. But now that they have their own interests I'm trying to get them to find things they want to do or join again. It is like pulling teeth.) I'll be honest I do not have most of the "typical teenage" concerns a lot of people I know deal with. But them digging their heels in and not getting out of the house might just drive me crazy. Maybe having their brother home, will convince them to go do things again.

Not much else is going on besides all of that. Just dealing with chemo appointments, and trying to figure out plans for the property when I get home. I do think I've decided to go back to work part time or maybe even full time temporarily, and not just do the casual position I was doing before. I am very thankful that my work had said that a job is waiting for me when I return after dealing with all this. So I just have to decide how much I want to work when I get home, I'm thinking it might be best to try to make up some of the lost savings from my being away. But I've got two more months to decide just how much I want to work.
 

Frankie

Member
So Mom's cancer treatment isn't quite over. We were told she has 3 more cycles of a different chemo treatment and radiation that can last 1-3 weeks. It has delayed my trip home. I'm a little sad my time here is extended, because I am so ready to be home. But on the other hand, I feel my place is here, with her, through all of this.

Green had to drop my car off at the mechanic, so Red picked him up and then did some laundry at our house. It makes me happy they are there to help each other.

After much thought I think when I get home I am going to talk to Red about our relationship. I absolutely want him in my life, but I think I desire staying just friends or FWB or casual or what ever combination of terms I'm missing. After a lot of thinking while I've been away and while we have been in a platonic realm, by his choice this time last year. I have realized that his need for a relationship he is comfortable with revolves around the thought of me only being with him and Green (which he is still struggling with anyways = currently platonic). And while I told him previously that at this time, our relationship had me at my saturation level. I now realize that through my desire for us to be partners (but in his view) I was giving up the one thing I had finally realized, which is that I don't want to give up my ability to have future relationships or possibilities. And since we are in this platonic friendship phase, I want to be clear with him that I want to stay here. I do not want to be limited by being his partner. I do miss him and love being around him and I don't want that to end, after all, before I left, that's where we were, we loved each other and just hung out and went places, but sex had stopped. And I've grown comfortable with the idea of it staying that way now or staying that way with casual sex. But I don't want to feel limited by being his partner. Even though I have no prospects and don't expect to have any. Seriously, I still hope he can find a person that checks all those boxes he needs filled. I've always hoped that for him.

Red and I talk often and we both miss each other, he still has plans and things that involve me (as he did before I left). But I'm unclear if he still wants the platonic us or if he wants the partner us, so when I get home I want to talk to him about it. I don't want to talk about it over the phone with crappy reception where things may not be conveyed correctly.

My son Jasper and his girlfriend are still planning on coming back home with me. Well they are still planning on going back in the time frame we originally discussed. But I'm going to talk to them and see if they can drive across with me a month later instead of doing the trip ahead of me. I would feel more comfortable with them not doing the drive alone, I know they are capable of doing it alone, but I don't want them to get stuck somewhere because of a car problem or something. Obviously I don't think getting lost is as much as an issue as it was when I was his age (driving across the country with a map book - I never actually got lost), but I just don't want him stuck somewhere (like I found myself, and was too proud to call and ask for help, instead turning to day labor and camping in a tent for a month- again communication was only by payphone then ... But.). Yes, my experience was valuable and I learned a lot, and I actually was pretty proud of myself, but... I'd prefer the first time his girlfriend goes across the country, doesn't turn into some traumatic event of breaking down and feeling stuck and away from everyone. If I'm there I could guide them through how to solve the problem while being with them. Maybe I feel like they are younger than how I felt at their age. Maybe I'm just being a protective Mama Bear.

Green continues to be productive since I've been gone. Clearing along our future fenceline is nearly complete and we will be sending some trees to the mill. This is a new thing for us, we've never tried sending trees to the mill. If it works out, we have another set of trees in mind - we need to clear an area on the property for future use anyway. So we will see what happens.

As soon as my car gets out of the mechanic, we will be putting it up for sale, so that is exciting. I'm definitely feeling like we have too many vehicles at the moment.
 
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