In December I will celebrate 30 years of marriage to my husband (let's call him Chaz).
Our relationship has been turbulent for many reasons, one of them being that he kept having affairs with other women behind my back. Our two children contributed to keeping the marriage going.
Some 14 years ago, Chaz started to get interested in polyamory, hearing about it because we lived in the USA for a year. With a lot of inner and outer stress in my life at the time, this was beyond my capacity to grasp, but as years went by I understood that the concept was very deeply rooted in him.
To make a long story short: three years ago, we decided to take a break so that he could explore poly without me. We live in a country in Europe where the poly lifestyle can in no way be considered a movement, like in the USA. In spite of this, he did find a woman whom he established a relationship with, one who'd also explored polyamory, and already had one other relationship (with a male) going on. A month after Chaz initiated his new relationship, he invited me to join the "group," and to my own enormous surprise, I accepted the offer after one night of shivering and crying. In this way, I have been an arm in a FMFM N for 2.5 years. I have met Chaz's girlfriend three or four times in these years. We do not have regular contact. We have struggled with liking each other.
So, why tell you all this? It's meant as an intro to a question I have. After a night with his girlfriend, Chaz looks pink. A pink color is floating around him. Pink is a nice color, and a love color, so I guess it's a tribute to the quality of his relationship with her. However, it distracts me, to a degree where I have big problems being mindful, present in the moment.
The pink aura around him takes approximately two days to disappear, then he is "normal" again. Chaz has accepted that this happens, so we have ended up organizing our poly life partly according to this. The two days following a stay with his girlfriend, he lives alone. Then we meet. In practical life, this means he sees her either Mondays, Tuesdays, or both, then he has some days midweek on his own, and then we two are together on the weekends.
Does this sound crazy? I would truly like to know if anyone else has experienced anything similar, and if so, how they have handled it. I want to emphasise that I'm not an especially psychic person. I'm open for suggestions that I'm unconsciously manipulating C because I've more or less been dragged into a poly life, but I don't think that is the whole answer.
Another time I would like to tell about other experiences these 2.5 years, e.g., my jealousy, and a lot of mess, but also the thrills, and the deepening of my relationship with Chaz. But not now. I would like input to the questions above, simply because I have never seen the issue raised on any of the poly websites I follow.
Our relationship has been turbulent for many reasons, one of them being that he kept having affairs with other women behind my back. Our two children contributed to keeping the marriage going.
Some 14 years ago, Chaz started to get interested in polyamory, hearing about it because we lived in the USA for a year. With a lot of inner and outer stress in my life at the time, this was beyond my capacity to grasp, but as years went by I understood that the concept was very deeply rooted in him.
To make a long story short: three years ago, we decided to take a break so that he could explore poly without me. We live in a country in Europe where the poly lifestyle can in no way be considered a movement, like in the USA. In spite of this, he did find a woman whom he established a relationship with, one who'd also explored polyamory, and already had one other relationship (with a male) going on. A month after Chaz initiated his new relationship, he invited me to join the "group," and to my own enormous surprise, I accepted the offer after one night of shivering and crying. In this way, I have been an arm in a FMFM N for 2.5 years. I have met Chaz's girlfriend three or four times in these years. We do not have regular contact. We have struggled with liking each other.
So, why tell you all this? It's meant as an intro to a question I have. After a night with his girlfriend, Chaz looks pink. A pink color is floating around him. Pink is a nice color, and a love color, so I guess it's a tribute to the quality of his relationship with her. However, it distracts me, to a degree where I have big problems being mindful, present in the moment.
The pink aura around him takes approximately two days to disappear, then he is "normal" again. Chaz has accepted that this happens, so we have ended up organizing our poly life partly according to this. The two days following a stay with his girlfriend, he lives alone. Then we meet. In practical life, this means he sees her either Mondays, Tuesdays, or both, then he has some days midweek on his own, and then we two are together on the weekends.
Does this sound crazy? I would truly like to know if anyone else has experienced anything similar, and if so, how they have handled it. I want to emphasise that I'm not an especially psychic person. I'm open for suggestions that I'm unconsciously manipulating C because I've more or less been dragged into a poly life, but I don't think that is the whole answer.
Another time I would like to tell about other experiences these 2.5 years, e.g., my jealousy, and a lot of mess, but also the thrills, and the deepening of my relationship with Chaz. But not now. I would like input to the questions above, simply because I have never seen the issue raised on any of the poly websites I follow.
