Need Advice on Handling a Situation

SouthernPoly

New member
So my metamour is out of town, and I wasn't expecting to talk to him. My husband and I were having some "alone time" when I get a call from an unknown number. Worried it might be an emergency, I answered the phone. It was my metamour calling to say hello & tell me he missed me. He's camping, and hiked out to a pay phone just so he could call and say hello. I knew it was a bad situation, and I didn't know what to do, so I just chat for a few minutes and then got off the phone. When I hung up, my husband was upset because we had been having sex, and next thing I'm on the phone telling my metamour I love him & miss him too. I know this was a bad situation, and it was not handled perfectly, but it was an unusual situation. How can I get my husband to see it was an unusual thing, and it doesn't mean I don't care about him, I just honestly didn't know how to handle the situation. Normally I would just say I'll call you back, but this was a unique circumstance. Help!
 

Shaya

New member
By metamour, do you mean your husband's lover? I'm confused because most of us do not have a romantic relationship with our metamour. Or were you using the term metamour to mean your lover, and that there is no romantic relationship between your husband and your 'metamour'. Or are you in a poly triad with romantic relationships between all 3 of you?

If you're in a triad, this sort of thing can sort itself out quite easily.

If you're the hinge in a MFM V-shaped poly situation, and all the explaining is not reassuring your husband that his metamour out camping wasn't doing this deliberately to steal time away, I'd suggest reinforcing that you felt quite awkward and couldn't see a way to put down the phone without appearing rude. I'd sympathise with your husband in his upset, hoping he'll come round to your way of thinking after your empathy with him. In his shoes, I could imagine myself just having a whinge because of the mood kill.
 

ElMango

Member
Put yourself in his shoes first before trying to get him to see your side. Showing empathy will probably be the key
 

Norwegianpoly

New member
Do you normally actually answer phone calls during sex? Really?

That is kind of rude...both towards the person you have sex with, and the person you talk to, who for sure can hear your horny voice on the other end and know what you are doing. There are lots of options to get back to the person; caller id, them leaving a message, them texting etc. There is not need to answer a phone while you are doing something else important, unless maybe the pope promised to call you that day.

I just dont get it... I answered a phone during sex once when I was 20 years old and the person I was with got so upset I have not done it ever since, since I understand it is bad form.
 

Bluebird

Well-known member
I don't really understand your post - why would a metamour be calling to say they missed you? Do you mean your other partner? A metamour is your partner's partner.

In any case, I wouldn't answer the phone during sex. That's just rude. If I were your DH, I would be pissed off too. I've done it before, but only when I was waiting for a call/message.
 

vinsanity0

Active member
I have to agree with everyone else. That was rude no matter who was on the other end. I wouldn't even have looked at the phone.

The best you can do is straight up admit you were wrong, apologize, and promise it will never happen again.
 

Shaya

New member
I'm not sure it's black and white. Some people have jobs where the phone has to be on all the time, and once you pick up the phone it can be difficult to end the conversation politely. Just my thoughts that it may be black and white for some people, but phone rules may not be so clear cut for others.
 

SouthernPoly

New member
Clarification

Just to clarify, it was my partner, not my husbands, sorry for the confusion. I am the hinge in a V and there is nothing between either of them but friendship. To clarify also, I typically do not answer the phone during sex, however, my niece has been sick & we were worried it might be something regarding her because it was late at night. Once I answered the phone, I wasn't sure how to get off without being rude. It was just a bad situation all around.
 

Tinwen

Well-known member
I'm with others - just say sorry, reiterate that you took the phone because of possible emergencies, you didn't know it was him and it won't repeat easily. Could do something nice for your husband too. And that's about all you can do, the rest is his job.
 

anamikanon

New member
What is done is done. You had what seemed like a good reason to answer the phone. Apologise and move on. Don't keep repeating apologies, don't keep discussing. If you have an otherwise good relationship, an occasional goof-up upset is not the end of the world. These things happen. Reminds me of when I lived alone with my son (before my parents had to come here). He was in a very "get into trouble" stage, and I used to have my baths after he slept. So of course once clothes are off, soap on body..... the doorbell rings and the kid startles awake crying. It is the MOMENT and you just handle it as best you can. :rolleyes:
 
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