Need feedback about foreplay (or lack of it)

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Ilove2men

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P.S. Excuse the typos! I'm on my phone.

Another thing sprang up for me when I used the word symptom. She should be prepared for anything when she talks to him about it. It could be laziness. It could be an emotional disconnect. But it could be something much more personal for him. For me (I called it my icky can of worms) when I decided to look into why I had an emotional wall up it was because of sexual abuse. Abuse that I thought I had healed completely. I didn't think I had any issues with sex, but I was wrong and it took me digging into that with alot of tearful and sometimes dark/angry discussions AND alot of my fiance holding me in a non invasive way for me to finally drop my emotional guard. Now if the case with him is something deeper who knows if he's willing to touch that with a ten foot pole. If he is willing to dig deeper she needs to prepare to be patient and understanding as he goes through a process of discovery. In the end it's very much worth the work because I did achieve it. I'm just working on getting it back after a very bad summer.
 

idealist

Member
... it took me digging into that with alot of tearful and sometimes dark/angry discussions AND alot of my fiance holding me in a non invasive way for me to finally drop my emotional guard..

Yeah....I also am a survivor of sexual assault and then went on to years of sexual promiscuity. When I finally found a partner that I wanted to be with long term, I had to deal with my sexuality also. I would have emotional flashbacks which would take me to a time when either I was being forced to have sex against my will, or a time when I was having meaningless sex. Either way- it didn't feel good for me, so I found myself wanting to avoid sex completely. My therapist was the one to say that I had to deal with my own issues which had caused me to shut down.....and yes, it was a can of worms, but worth it because if a person wants to have a fulfilling life of emotional/sexual connection these things must be done!!


Ilove2men said:
... Now if the case with him is something deeper who knows if he's willing to touch that with a ten foot pole. If he is willing to dig deeper she needs to prepare to be patient and understanding as he goes through a process of discovery. In the end it's very much worth the work because I did achieve it. I'm just working on getting it back after a very bad summer.

Good for you!! I haven't had a negative emotional flashback in over 15 years, so it is possible to put this stuff to rest once and for all!! My partner did have to put up with a lot during the years of my working on things, and then I eventually left her. We are still friends and I hope she doesn't regret those years or feel that she got the "short end of the stick" or anything. Anyway...keep up the good work!!
 

areuthe1

New member
honestly I got tired of reading everyone posts , granted many had very valid points but I am tired. So to my point some enjoy being with another but not sexually they try and make the other happy but the chemistry just isn't there and you put the least amount of effort into that part hoping the other will just get tired of it and then you can concentrate on other parts of your relationship....it's a bad idea but I have seen it happen with some friends and I spent many nights listening to both sides bend my ear about it, this may not be the case but something to think about. Also I used to work 14 hour days 6 days a week for years and honestly sometimes you just don't have it in you who knows really it may not be anyone's fault it could just be a timing issue?
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Then stop necromancing threads.

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