New and curious

[hurricandrunk]

Right, so new and full of questions
i'm not currently in any kind of relationship but previously i've always felt something was missing. i've never been overly concerned about partners flirting with or being attracted to other girls/boys and i've always been fairly clear about the fact as long as their honest i don't mind them seeing others. partly ive always kinda hoped they would! i've always had a problem focussing entirely on one person and have the focus of one person entirely on me.. i've always felt i would be better..sharing for want of a better word...
but i don't want entirely disjointed lives, i want to be an active part of both peoples lives and vice versa, it's one thing telling your partner you dont mind them seeing someone else its another telling them you wanna join in! not to mention finding two people who are compatible with you and each other!

it seems ive added another level of complicated to my life

partially my worry is the expectations, i find it hard enough struggling with expectations of one partner, especially sex wise. i have basically no interest and this has been an ongoing problem in previous relationships. it's part of the reason polyamory appeals so much-you get different things from different people.
but if i want an equal relationship with two people, would not joining in bedroomwise make me less of a partner?

and at the very base how do you even go about meeting a couple who want a third? meeting one person is tricky enough XD
I've seen lots of threads on here for meetups etc but i'm not sure i want to just jump in the deep end and meet up with a group of people i don't know at all XD

ummm...end ramble XD thanks!

 

[Magdlyn]

partially my worry is the expectations, i find it hard enough struggling with expectations of one partner, especially sex wise. i have basically no interest and this has been an ongoing problem in previous relationships. it's part of the reason polyamory appeals so much-you get different things from different people.

Hang on there, mate. I get the feeling you are quite young? Being poly means you need to know yourself quite well and are able to engage with a partner fully, emotionally as well as physically.

Adding 2 partners into the mix is just that much harder (tho can be very fun if you do it right.)

and at the very base how do you even go about meeting a couple who want a third? meeting one person is tricky enough XD

Yup.

I've seen lots of threads on here for meetups etc but i'm not sure i want to just jump in the deep end and meet up with a group of people i don't know at all

You won't know unless you try! Are you male or female, bi or straight?

 

[redpepper]

The thing with poly and life in general is that you can create whatever works for you. If you are not interested in "joining in the bedroom" then just say so at the get go and see where it goes... if it is just love and companionship you want then say so... the point is to know your self enough to be aware of your needs, be open and honest enough to communicate them, trust and face your fear enough to be present and in attendance to your relationships and to realize that you will be growing and learning as you go... mostly it means flying by the seat of your pants. Take a breath and take it slow and see where it goes. That would be my advice anyway.

 

[hurricandrunk]

Magdlyn: mm i guess yeah quite young i'm 20 atm, bi female.
i don't have a problem connecting physically...it just doesn't interest me. its' not the be all and end all of a relationship.
haha ;just try' i wish! i'm horrifically shy xd i've only just started socialising at work and ive been there two years xd

redpepper: thanks guess i'm just worried...i've been honest before and it's not always ended so well...><

 

[redpepper]

redpepper: thanks guess i'm just worried...i've been honest before and it's not always ended so well...><

Keep at it, somewhere along the line you will be glad you did... try and remember that you are in a world/sea of people that don't value such things... honesty has been lost for quite some time in the dating world it seems... hang in there. You will be glad you did when you find yourself in a situation whereby you are benefiting from your efforts because its a situation that is nourishing and love giving.

 

[Breathesgirl]

Not all partners need to be sexually/physically involved with each other!

My two guys, Breathes & Possibility, aren't physical with each other at ALL! They're friends, they get along, they play D&D together. I'm physical with both.

My sig line says it all, really.