New and overwhelmed!


New member
Hi!! Me (33f) and my husband (35m) have had a few long conversations about opening up our marriage.

I am bi but have never been with a woman. We have talked about me finding a woman to bring into our life. She would essentially be my partner that he has a casual relationship with. Sexually she would only be with me but he would want to be involved in a way.

I'm just curious where to start. It's sorta daunting to have two firsts be very BIG firsts. Any advice would be great.

Love y'all 💚
Welcome to the board. We have a great list of books, articles and a podcast. I recommend reading a few articles together and starting with the book Opening Up. Listen to the podcast Multiamory when you can't be reading.

As for getting yourself a gf, best wishes! Just be informed that just because she's interested in you won't mean she will want to be friends with your husband. Your husband and she will be "metamours," their partner's partner. They might like each other, but then again, maybe gf will just want to date you and NOT hang out with your husband. She might just want to be basically polite to him when their paths happen to cross.

When metamours want to be friends, you can practice what is called "kitchen-table poly." If they prefer to keep their lives more separate, you'd be doing "parallel poly." If they are willing to see each other occasionally, like at a big birthday bash, you might have "garden party poly."
Greetings kay_eight,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

You might want to try a poly dating site. Also you could look for a local poly group in your area, google "polyamory" with the name of your state or nearest major city. Getting out there and meeting people in person is usually the best way. Good luck!

Kevin T., "official greeter" :)


There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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