Polyamory
I have been dating someone for about 5 months. It started out as a casual thing. I'd recently came out of a divorce, and we had no interest in anything more than fun and sex. That "plan" didn't work out. We have grown closer and things have begun to hit the fan, so to speak.
I have known for a while that he was thinking about polyamory. I just never thought I would get attached, and so didn't think about it much. We have been non-exclusive during this time. I have dated other people. He has remained monogamous to me. He says it was out of respect, whatever that means. I didn't expect that, or ask for it.
All of a sudden, I found out that he was away visiting a friend he has feelings for. We had a discussion, where I asked him to take things slow. I made the mistake of not clarifying what I meant about this. We talked on the phone, and he agreed, with hesitation, to remain platonic with her while away.
Now I am terrified. I need to know what to do. Should I stay and try to see if this will work for us? Should I just leave now?
I am genuinely curious. I like to stretch my thinking about the world. I am afraid that if I don't try, I will always wonder about it.
Our chemistry is amazing. We get along really well. I was recently introduced to his family (apparently the first girl in a couple of years).
I have expressed to him many times that I need complete and total honesty, or else I won't be able to maintain this relationship, or even just a friendship with him.
I know that this situation is different, in that we were never officially exclusive, so it is not like we are opening up a committed, monogamous relationship. But I have never done this before, and would like to take it VERY SLOWLY. The only way I can trust him is if I know him. And the only way I can know him is with time! This is a double-edged sword, because to me, that means working on our relationship with each other, and then opening it up after I do feel I can trust him and know that his intentions are pure.
There are oh-so many discussions that need to be had, which will take time, energy, and processing in both our minds.
He has never tried this before either, so this will be an exploration for the both of us, a chance to figure out what polyamory means to us, or even if we just want an open relationship.
Any thoughts? I really need some people to talk to about this. It is eating away at my life right now.
I have known for a while that he was thinking about polyamory. I just never thought I would get attached, and so didn't think about it much. We have been non-exclusive during this time. I have dated other people. He has remained monogamous to me. He says it was out of respect, whatever that means. I didn't expect that, or ask for it.
All of a sudden, I found out that he was away visiting a friend he has feelings for. We had a discussion, where I asked him to take things slow. I made the mistake of not clarifying what I meant about this. We talked on the phone, and he agreed, with hesitation, to remain platonic with her while away.
Now I am terrified. I need to know what to do. Should I stay and try to see if this will work for us? Should I just leave now?
I am genuinely curious. I like to stretch my thinking about the world. I am afraid that if I don't try, I will always wonder about it.
Our chemistry is amazing. We get along really well. I was recently introduced to his family (apparently the first girl in a couple of years).
I have expressed to him many times that I need complete and total honesty, or else I won't be able to maintain this relationship, or even just a friendship with him.
I know that this situation is different, in that we were never officially exclusive, so it is not like we are opening up a committed, monogamous relationship. But I have never done this before, and would like to take it VERY SLOWLY. The only way I can trust him is if I know him. And the only way I can know him is with time! This is a double-edged sword, because to me, that means working on our relationship with each other, and then opening it up after I do feel I can trust him and know that his intentions are pure.
There are oh-so many discussions that need to be had, which will take time, energy, and processing in both our minds.
He has never tried this before either, so this will be an exploration for the both of us, a chance to figure out what polyamory means to us, or even if we just want an open relationship.
Any thoughts? I really need some people to talk to about this. It is eating away at my life right now.