I’m not sure what I am looking for…I am mono, married for 22 years to my “surprise” I’m poly husband. He brought up poly 7 years ago and I shut it down- If he wanted that I was out. We did therapy and were good for a number of years, but slowly things turned and this winter he brought it up again. I am in a different place, and we are doing it. He has two other partners and I am not jealous or worried about him leaving me or finding someone better. I am though struggling with the loss of things I formerly took for granted. Like this weekend he went out of town for work and one of the girls gave him a ride to the airport (I don’t drive due to vision) When he told me he was arranging this I thought it was a great idea. Then the morning of came and I realized he was going to kiss her good bye after me. I sat with it in my head for hours trying to work through it and he could tell. I finally just told him. This sort of thing happens maybe once a week for me. We’ve only been open for a few months and for me it all feels like normal new paradigm stuff, but it throws him and causes me even more anxiety. I want to to scream at him I am doing all of the hard heart wrenching work so you can get your needs met suck it up and be there for me. I don’t see any part of this arrangement that is a struggle for him, he has lost nothing only gained. I don’t have anyone but him to talk to about any of this because my friends are not supportive. I just need someone to help me figure out how to deal, if I am crazy for feeling this way. How do I talk to him about how my feelings feel out of control, how every new thing sounds one way when we talk about it and another when we do it? Ultimatel, I don't feel like he understands and good or bad I need him to.