New Throuple

BTJtriad

New member
Hello,

I am the husband of a new throuple. My wife and I discussed a poly relationship a few times. I am heteroflexible and she is fully bi. We have been involved with the BDSM and lifestyle (swinger) scene off and on, through this and our past relationships, though never truly swingers. We've met a bi woman who has turned out the be the perfect match for a closed throuple. I'm here to educate myself and ensure I can provide what they both need.
 
Welcome!

How long have you and your wife been dating your "perfect match"?

What do your partners say they need in your triad arrangement?
 
I've been in a closed throuple for only the past few months. My wife dropped a bombshell on me, that essentially she was having feelings for her friend, and that her friend was agreeable to joining both of us. I'd had no experience with anything outside of a normal, hetero, monogamous relationship before this, so I was unprepared and it's been a real struggle for me, at times.

I look forward to hearing how your relationship progresses. Please keep us updated.
 
Welcome!

How long have you and your wife been dating your "perfect match"?

What do your partners say they need in your triad arrangement?
It has only been two months. But we realized after meeting that we had spoken through FetLife. If you add that time, it goes back to talking for six months.

My beautiful wife and I had discussed poly, but not really put effort into finding our third.

My wife is very bi. I know there are things she can get and give to women, emotionally, sexually, that I could not provide. We are very open and honest with communications. The question of being closed was agreed upon from the start. My wife has played with women, but no other men, self imposed.

J has played with women, but wanted to find a true partner in a male. I was allowed by my wife to play with whomever I wanted, as long as it was safe and not lied about.

Upon meeting J, I told my wife that I was imposing a "no other women" rule on myself, just prior to the three of us discussing our dynamic. We have all agreed that a closed throuple is what we desire and would live. We also have a 1950ish, Daddy/babygirl dynamic.

I know from the discussions and comments from friends and family that they all think we are happier than before entering this.

The other part for us is that she has no children, and ours are adults, so we are able to be open and not try to hide that we are together. J has had an experience in the past that was not, which led to issues.
 
I've been in a closed throuple for only the past few months. My wife dropped a bombshell on me - that essentially she was having feeling for her friend, and that her friend was agreeable to joining both of us. I'd had no experience with anything outside of a normal, hetero, monogamous relationship before this, so I was unprepared and it's been a real struggle for me at times.
I look forward to hearing how your relationship progresses. Please keep us updated.
You and I are learning as we go. I came here to learn, grow, and attempt to avoid pitfalls other have faced by learning from them.
 
Greetings BTJtriad,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have a really positive throuple underway, J sounds like the perfect match for you and your wife. There is a lot to learn about polyamory, so invest some time in reading and posting on our various threads and boards. Let us know if/when you have any questions. We're here to help.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
I think it is admirable that you are stepping up to that role. Hopefully we can help.
 
Please post more about your budding new relationship in our Relationships section, if you like. You can ask specific questions about how to establish a healthy polyamorous dynamic, one that will grow and thrive in all aspects of your threeway arrangement. There are four romantic relationships here.

You and wife
You and J
J and wife
All three of you.

Then add in the metamour stuff-- Your wife is now your new partner's partner, becoming your metamour. You are your wife's metamour. J is your metamour and also your wife's metamour. This math and all the ways it can get complicated are addressed here: https://polyamory.com/threads/hey-formerly-mono-couples-opening-up-to-polyamory.155659/
 
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