I am wondering if this is normal. It seems that I have to choose between some of my friends and being poly. I have had many old friends over the years, and newer, very close friends that I hate to lose. But I have already had two say that they cannot be my friend if I am poly. I feel like I have to keep it a secret or I will lose more friends. Does anyone have any advice or experience with this?
New to poly and losing some old friends
- Thread starter Rose36
- Start date
I'm sorry to hear that. 
The friends I have chosen to tell are happy for me, and pat me on the back, because they are real friends who accept me for who I am. Even some of my family know, and they're totally okay with it. But there are some I just can't tell.
There are people one of my BFs have told, and they no longer speak to him. And my other BF won't tell anyone because of this fear.
It's hard not to be able to tell the people you love and care about what a wonderful thing polyamory can be.
I guess, in this case, you just gotta weigh your options. You could broach the subject with your friends before telling them you're poly. That's what I have done, and it eased the blow.
The friends I have chosen to tell are happy for me, and pat me on the back, because they are real friends who accept me for who I am. Even some of my family know, and they're totally okay with it. But there are some I just can't tell.
There are people one of my BFs have told, and they no longer speak to him. And my other BF won't tell anyone because of this fear.
It's hard not to be able to tell the people you love and care about what a wonderful thing polyamory can be.
I guess, in this case, you just gotta weigh your options. You could broach the subject with your friends before telling them you're poly. That's what I have done, and it eased the blow.
AutumnalTone
New member
That's sad. Every relationship we have may end, due to any number of reasons. That some old friends are uncomfortable with the way we've grown is just one among many. It's painful to lose a friend in that fashion.
When they fail to be able to adjust to us growing, and selfishly insist we not change, it shows that they're just not good company to keep at this time. Anybody who can't be happy for us in our relationships isn't capable of being a close, supportive friend. If they refuse to remain friends, it's their choice.
They may come back some day. Some people I've walked away from in the past have popped up a few years later and apologized for their behavior.
When they fail to be able to adjust to us growing, and selfishly insist we not change, it shows that they're just not good company to keep at this time. Anybody who can't be happy for us in our relationships isn't capable of being a close, supportive friend. If they refuse to remain friends, it's their choice.
They may come back some day. Some people I've walked away from in the past have popped up a few years later and apologized for their behavior.