New to Poly

HangFire33

New member
Hello all,

After about six months of discussion my wife and I have decided to explore the poly lifestyle. We like both the philosophy and freedom of being ourselves. Although we talked this through together she now has a new lover and I am struggling to adjust and process some pretty strong emotions. It doesn't help that we are living in different cities at the moment. Any advice on how to transition from a long-term monogamous relationship to a happy and loving poly one would be great. I know this kind of stuff is already all over this forum but this is the introductions forum so....

(Also if anyone knows of and poly meetup groups in Switzerland I'd appreciate the info)

Tim
 

Al99

Well-known member
Hi Tim - and welcome to the Forum! To both of your credit, it seems that the two of you made a mutual decision to transition to poly - which is already a leg up over the much more common situation in which one partner asks (sometimes pushes) their less than enthusiastic mono-inclined partner to open the marriage (as was my case - story in sig link below). Even so, your wife having another partner while living in another city would seem to be a particularly challenging way to transition into a polyamorous marriage - especially if you do not have another partner at the moment.

Through many discussions here, it is well understood that women generally have a much easier time finding poly partners than men do (although the situation might be better in Europe). Nevertheless, you would almost certainly have an easier time of it with a partner on your side as well - as I'm sure you have surmised, and it sounds like you are thinking along those lines already. Additionally, do some reading, listen to some podcasts (polyweekly.com), participate on the forum. We have lots of experienced poly folks here - so please do post your specific thoughts and questions to the active General Poly Discussion and Poly Relationships Corner sections.

Best of luck on your new journey! Al
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Greetings Tim,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

Try https://www.meetup.com/topics/polyamory/ch/ ... it looks like there are two poly groups in Switzerland.

You are in the early stages of poly. Things are often difficult in the beginning. You may be able to accept poly on an intellectual level, but on an emotional level it may not be so easy. There's a good chance that things will get easier if you just give it some time. I have links for managing jealousy, if you think that might help, let me know. Keep us updated on your situation, and we can give updated advice.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 

HangFire33

New member
Thanks

Thanks for the info guys.
Its great to know that there are others out there who have done it before and that this IS how it is.
After visiting my wife this weekend I feel less like this is a catastrophe, but its still weird/unpleasant and there are still a lot of things that make me anxious.
@Alan: I have found a group in Switzerland that I will attend this week and hopefully find some useful connections.
@Kevin: You are completely correct. Intellectually I am comfortable but emotionally i'm suffering. Thanks for the links!
 
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kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Glad to hear that things are going a little better. Even if you are not quite out of the woods yet. Let me know if you want me to post those jealousy links.
 
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