No Longer Just Lurking

AutumnLeaves

New member
I’ve been lurking around these forums, voraciously consuming blogs and the relationship corner since me and my husband opened our relationship a little over a month ago. I may decide to do a blog here, since I love writing and the blogs have been extremely helpful. It’s nice to see how other people do poly, and that it can in fact work for people.

I’m a late-twenties bisexual woman who lives in a small city in the rust belt. I’ve been with my husband for five years, married for almost three. This isn’t my first non-monogamous experience, though the last one was very different because it was DADT and temporary. I briefly nibbled around the edges of so-what-about-non-monogamy when my relationship with my now-husband was new, but I got what I interpreted as a very firm no. So I used to joke that he was more monogamous than I am.

I’m glad I did. I think it let the possibility settle into his head. Still, I was very surprised when he approached me about polyamory. He had met a girl he was crushing on in a major way. She’s solo poly and they discovered a mutual interest. I’m glad he decided to talk to me about it instead of suppressing his feelings. As well as being happy that he's so squee over her, as a teenager, I identified as a lesbian. I’ve never felt incomplete with monogamy but I have missed having romantic connections with women.

Our relationship is an N right now, though there is some definite interest from my husband’s girlfriend in me. She was pushing that a little, but we’ve talked about the reasons why I’m cautious. I don’t want her to have a relationship with “us.” I’d rather let their relationship settle in and let ours be what it will be, which right now is very friendly and supportive. I’m also completely in NRE with a woman I met on OKC, and we have a couple of dates scheduled for this month.

I can’t say enough about how much this site has helped me during our first month. I’d already read The Ethical Slut, but I’d never heard of More Than Two and found it to be an extremely helpful and much more my speed in terms of how I'd like to do poly. I also found out about OKC as a way to meet people (and met my current interest on it, woo!). Mostly though, it was reassuring to know that there is a friendly, supportive community out here.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Greetings AutumnLeaves,
Welcome to our forum.

It sounds like Polyamory.com has already been helpful for you and that is good to hear. Please do continue to dig in and absorb our various threads according to what calls to you. I see that you have started a blog and that is also good news.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 

AutumnLeaves

New member
Thanks! Now that I've been officially greeted, I feel all official and stuff.

But really... a very helpful forum in a lot of ways. It helped me realize that a lot of the things I'm feeling that I wouldn't think of as normal are not all that abnormal. And that helped my comfort level adjust a lot more quickly than I think it would have if I'd spent all that energy second-guessing my feelings.
 
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