Non-primary partners speak out on how to treat us well in poly/open relationships


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Earlier I posted to this forum, asking people here for do's/don'ts about how they prefer to be treated in poly/open relationships. This was part of a crowdsourcing project I'm doing for my blog, to create a list of do's/don'ts that can serve as a positive model -- since social conditioning offers mostly bad lessons about how to handle non-primary, non-monogamous relationships.

After gathering lots of input, I just published the first version of this list:

Please feel free to share this post with others.

This is a work in progress! More input is definitely welcome. Feel free to comment here, leave a comment on my blog post, or e-mail me at

Please note: This post is intended to offer advice from the perspective of non-primary partners. So if you want to suggest changes or additions to this list, please indicate whether you currently have a primary partner. I'll definitely consider input from anyone, but that's crucial context for this project.