Not Dead Yet!


Active member
So new blog! The blog name is a Monty Python reference. Since I seem to dig the death references, decided to continue with that.

Whip comes back from an unexpected trip today. Yay!

I was thinking today that out of all my male lovers, tiny dog (TD) likes Whip the best. It might be because Whip has spent the most time at my place. When I was seeing SW, we spent most of our time at his place. Tiny dog liked SW but never got to know him. TD really feared Oil Man. TD is timid and takes a long time to get used to new people so fearful is not unusual for him. But he never took to Oil Man and would not get near him.

But TD will go sit in Whip's lap when I am unavailable and give me a look that says 'Fine! *HE* will pet me! Humphh!'. And Whip does. He's paid attention to the fact that I am a crazy dog lady, and if you want me, then be good to my dog. He will walk with TD and I in the woods - one of my favorite things to do - even though it isn't high on his list of fun things in life.

And there is something extra freakin' adorable about a tall man walking a small dog. That visual always makes me giggle and gives me warm fuzzies.

In other news, I am starting an exercise program at the Y - circuit training, cardio, aqua aerobics. Maybe pilates if I can ever fit it into my schedule. I am so worried about my health - fearful of becoming diabetic. It feels good to do something about it. Now to work on eating a better diet more consistently.

I am so very hopeful right now.


New member
I'm happy to read your updates without having to see that gloomy word 'postmortem' every time :)

Things sound great! Enjoy every minute of it!


New member
Here is to happy thoughts and a new blog. I have to go comment on your other one, too. :)


New member
New plot, new beginnings! Excited to read the new progressions! And I too think tall man, little dog is something too see. :D


New member
but...can you dance and can you sing? Can you do the Highland Fling?




New member
I have a thing for tall guys too and add the tiny dog and that's extra cute :)


Active member
good times

Things are going pretty well so not much driving need to write. Plus I have not been enjoying the overall tone of the forum so felt less interest in posting. That seems to be improving recently which makes me glad.

On to the rambly update!

Tiny Dog (TD) now has a roomie, Tiny Cat (TC). TC was under the shed a week ago. She came right to me when I called (it's been brutal hot here so I was very concerned). I've always said I'm not a cat person - like them but no need to have one.

Well looks like I have a cat now. TC is a very small brownish/gray tabby with black stripes. I said I would foster her until a good home is found. But I am kidding myself. I'm attached. She is very sweet, purrs at the lightest touch, likes to cuddle, accepts Bo, and generally seems to enjoy being around people. In fact, TD and TC follow me about the house as I go about my day.

So I have a tiny cat and a tiny dog living in a tiny house. Think I will go find a shoe to live in! And a tuffet to sit on!

Things are going well with Whip. We had a bump a few weeks ago. I do not enjoy seeing him scene with other people. I get territorial. So we have worked out some boundaries that are mostly working for us for now. He doesn't scene in front of me - one of us will go to another part of the dungeon or home or party or whatever. He goes to more BDSM events than I do and can scene there if he wants to. And that has worked well to date. I think as time goes on, this boundary will be less necessary for me. But we will see.

We've also had some discussions about how much to tell each other - or more accurately, what I want to know, what I need to know and what I don't want to hear. I do want to know if he meets someone who may become a play partner, sex partner, dating, whatever. A heads up before they get physically involved is appreciated but not an absolute requirement. Safer sex is a requirement for both of us. I want to know if he had a good time at an event, or if he didn't, and why. If there is a change in the relationship with someone else - FWB becomes dating for instance - I would need a heads up about that. If he changes a relationship status on social media, a quick word to me about the change is appreciated. I do want to meet them at some point. Doesn't have to be a big thing - a 'hello, nice to meet you!' at a party is enough.

I don't need to know what they did in the scene or in bed. Knowing sexual or scene details makes me feel all territorial. And not knowing details helps me not play the comparison game. I rarely compare myself to others. But if I start down that spiral of comparison, it can be hard for me to stop.

I don't have a veto - neither does he. But we do have the expectation that we will listen to each other's thoughts on partners. So if he has concerns about someone I am considering, I want to know that. I want the chance to say, if need be, 'Bitch be crazy. You really want to go there?' The decision is then up to him. So far neither of us has encountered someone the other couldn't stand, or put up with.

It's been interesting dealing with the reality that he has more opportunites for sex and play than I do. One reason is that he is more outgoing and actively looking for partners. Another is that I am just more picky than he is. I rarely meet people that I am attracted to and want to pursue something with. Just doesn't happen that often. I have not been particularly interesting in putting in more effort to find partners either. I've been focusing on other things, like my health, my pets, work, hobbies. I've had flashes of jealousy that I am just not getting the attention and action he is (have sympathy for the guys with wives who are more often in this position). But I also wouldn't want all that attention from random people. And while I could put more effort in meeting people, (and maybe I will reactivate my OKC account), I am generally ok with where I'm at.

I am curious how he will handle me having more partners. I have an occasional play partner from before Whip and I started dating but no one else so to date. I wonder how he will react once I date more. It's not a priority for me now, but that will change.

But things are good. Our sexual chemistry is hot, hot, hot, still. Even after two years. And other areas of connection are growing, developing. Overall, I'm pretty happy! :D


Active member

I find myself annoyed or bored by the forum recently. The whining and ignorance is getting to me. So I am taking a break until I can feel more positively about contributing.

I will update the blog now and then. And folks are welcome to PM me - weary of the forum, not my online peeps!


Active member
Ditto on the forum being annoying & boring lately...but I find the blogs section still interesting usually, at least the ones I like to read.

Hope you update occasionally! I'll miss your posts.


Active member
So that's weird

So I have this rather odd thing going on with my body. I have set up an appointment with my gyn.

I'm about 10 days late on my period. But not testing pregnant. And I am ridiculously regular - this is the first period I may miss (month is not over yet). My doctor had my thyroid checked and that was normal so one obvious candidate is out. I have not been unusually stressed.

Something similar happened last month too - I was 5 days late which historically is very late for me - did not test as pregnant and eventually had a light period.

So I'm rather weirded out. This is quite strange for me. I realize that a missed period is not that uncommon for many women but it has never happened to me.

Has anyone gone through something similar? Any ideas?


New member
I'm also ridiculously regular.
Last year, I missed one period (completely).
I freaked out because I thought I was entering menopause.
Had about 12 regular, normal periods since then.. so it just seems to have been a weird thing my body did for no reason.
How old are you? could it be the start of menopause? (hoping this doesn't freak you out) :)


Active member
I'm in my early 40s so very early perimenopause is a possibility. And I'm not freaked out by that possibility. It's more the uncertainty of not knowing why. And I realize I may not get an answer. I hate the 'women's bodies do weird things for no obvious reason' trope but that may be the reality.

Thanks for the observations Cleo! It is helpful to know this has happened to other women.


Staff member
I started peri-menopause at 42. First symptom was bad headache with some nausea, not quite a migraine, the day before the first day of period. Soon after, my periods got heavier and closer together, one time as little as 19 days, usually 22-27 days instead of 28-32. Fun!

Later, they got further apart and much lighter.

It took 10 more years for everything to finally wind down. So, 42, not unusually early to start!


Active member
Sounds like perimenopause to me. Mine started in my late 30s. My usually regular, predictable cycles could no longer be counted upon. I would experience half a year of having my period every two months and then suddenly I was getting it every three weeks. My flow was different, and lasted for a shorter time. Everything was wonky for a few years, would normalize (somewhat) back to what I was used to, for another few years,and then get all wonky again. I was perimenopausal for about 11-12 years. Near the end, my period would come every three or four months, until it stopped altogether. After one year of no periods, I was officially in menopause at age 50.

If you're interested in managing perimenopause and menopause naturally, I highly recommend Susun Weed's book, The New Menopausal Years (revised version of her original Menopausal Years).


Active member
Magdlyn, NYCindie, Cleo,

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences - it's been very reassuring. I suspect I am beginning perimenopause. I have my appointment soon. And looks like it's time for research. I know a bit about perimenopause but need to learn more. Migraines are a possible symptom!? Crap. Not happy about that.

NYC, I will look up that book you mentioned. I would prefer to handle this without artificial hormones - my hormones are wacky enough, thank you very much. Unfortunately women in my family tend to have difficult transitions into menopause. I'm hoping to buck that trend.


New member
I would prefer to handle this without artificial hormones - my hormones are wacky enough, thank you very much.

My wife and I went through a long healing journey that started with her hormones being completely out of kilter. PM if you'd like to know more - I would be happy to forward some info.

We found that Natural Progesterone Cream was a life-saver. You might want to look into it, it can do no harm at all and is brilliant for dealing with the xeno-estrogen poisoning we are all dealing with (PCBs etc.)


Active member
boobs a-titter

I joined and left one of the polyamory groups on Facebook recently. I like chatting with folks about poly and other types of ethical non-monogamy so it seemed like a good idea.

This particular one encourages people to post pictures on certain days of the week. All well and good. I find pictures of people I don't know boring but I can easily scroll past.

And then the group starts getting many, many women posting pictures of cleavage and sometimes more than cleavage. My FB feed is just full of tits.

I like tits. I have some myself and am very fond of them. I like other people's tits too.

But I joined this group to talk with other poly type people. Hear their stories, tell silly jokes, discuss stuff. Not to see tits. I have a smartphone and the intertubes. I can see tits anytime and anywhere I want.

Anyway, all the tits started people talking in the group - there was pro-boob, anti-boob. Back and forth. I agreed with the idea to put the boob shots in a particular thread so that the not so boob fascinated would not see boobs in their feed on a daily basis. This was the solution that the group leader(s) decided upon.

All well and good. Tits confined, so to speak. If it had ended there, I may have stayed in the group.

There were some who felt attacked and belittled for posting boob shots. No one to my knowledge ever posted anything along the lines of 'Those boobs suck' or 'Those boobs are too small, too big.' No one to my knowledge ever directed their comments to particular owner of a particular set of boobs. It was more along the lines, of 'hey, my feed is blowing up with boobs and I really don't want to see that.' It wasn't personal. It wasn't a 'I don't want to see your saggy ass boobs' but rather a 'I don't want to see boobs here.' But some took it that way, as a criticism of their own boobs.

This made me wonder about if some exhibitionists get hurt if someone doesn't want to see what they are showing. I suspect there may have been some of this going on. Some people said not wanting to see boobs was slut shaming. I'm against slut shaming but I also have a clear idea of what that is. Telling a woman never to show her boobs to anyone, to be ashamed of them, to never take pleasure in them, to fear her body, - that's slut shaming. To ask that a feed not be overwhelmed with random tits is not slut shaming. It's asking for some perspective that not everyone everywhere wants to see tits in all corners of the internet. And the solution did not prevent anyone from showing off or appreciating the goods. Tits could still be posted and seen by just clicking on that thread. I also wondered if the folks getting cheesed off by someone not wanting to see boobs who took it personally were looking for validation of their attractiveness. And when the FB posters instead got some people saying 'I wish that was not on my feed' they heard 'You are ugly' instead. How very sad. I will never know for sure, but I wonder.

However, the assumption by some of the 'pro-boob' posters was that the 'anti-boob' folks were actually anti-sex is what decided me on leaving. I am sex positive. I hate how my society (the US) fears, shames and commercializes sex all at the same time. I believe that as long as consent is given and received, there is very little that is off the table for consenting adults. But sex positive does not mean sexual images or sexual content should be everywhere at all times. The constant snarky comments that the 'anti-boobs' were anti-sex and the apparent inability to understand any other viewpoint got to me after a while.

I could have posted this there - I did consider starting a thread about this topic in the group. But I also decided that I just didn't care about that group. It wasn't worth it to me. So I left.


New member
I'm with you. One of the things with the idea of consent I've seen talked about on FetLife in regards to kink is that you don't force your kink on someone because that is taking away their ability to consent to it.


Active member
I started peri-menopause at 42. First symptom was bad headache with some nausea, not quite a migraine, the day before the first day of period. Soon after, my periods got heavier and closer together, one time as little as 19 days, usually 22-27 days instead of 28-32. Fun!

Later, they got further apart and much lighter.

It took 10 more years for everything to finally wind down. So, 42, not unusually early to start!

Glad I wandered in here looking for spammers! Been having the headache/nausea before period and FREAKINGLY heavy periods for a few months. Scaring the hell out of me.