Now what

[threesnocrowd]

Hi Guys,

I have been on and off this sight for a few years now. We were really excited when my wife found a boyfriend. She broke up with him and met another man who she is now dating. He came over and spent the night for the first time last week and it went really well. My wife was over the moon, he was clearly happy, and I was happy for them both.

But now what? I am totally psyched for them, but feel a little sad for myself. I am not sure how to meet a woman for myself. Guys are easy, I think, and my wife found someone in no time. I am good looking, late 30's, funny, intelligent, and a professional man. If I don't mind saying I am a "catch" but a married catch. I am afraid if I approach any woman, she is going to be skeeved out that a married man is hitting on her.

Not sure how to meet someone. OKCupid is an option but I don't want the whole world know that I am looking for a relationship in addition to my marriage. We live about an hour from NYC but I absolutely can NOT go into the city. I hate it.

What is a man to do?

Help!

 

[FallenAngelina]

I am good looking, late 30's, funny, intelligent, and a professional man. If I don't mind saying I am a "catch" but a married catch. ...OKCupid is an option but I don't want the whole world know that I am looking for a relationship in addition to my marriage.

You're in a very crowded boat. There are many men in your same position and only a tiny fraction of women who are willing to be an open secret lover of a married man. A married woman seems to be catnip to men, but a married man has the opposite effect on women - mono and poly. There are many threads here about why this is. It's a common topic.

 

[WanderingINTJ]

How long have you been on your journey to finding a love? It may just be a matter of patience and time. Yes, I agree with the previous post that your position is common, but its not impossible to overcome? Are you open to long distance relationships, even if looking several hours away from you. I do wish you the best in your pursuit.

Hi Guys,

I have been on and off this sight for a few years now. We were really excited when my wife found a boyfriend. She broke up with him and met another man who she is now dating. He came over and spent the night for the first time last week and it went really well. My wife was over the moon, he was clearly happy, and I was happy for them both.

But now what? I am totally psyched for them, but feel a little sad for myself. I am not sure how to meet a woman for myself. Guys are easy, I think, and my wife found someone in no time. I am good looking, late 30's, funny, intelligent, and a professional man. If I don't mind saying I am a "catch" but a married catch. I am afraid if I approach any woman, she is going to be skeeved out that a married man is hitting on her.

Not sure how to meet someone. OKCupid is an option but I don't want the whole world know that I am looking for a relationship in addition to my marriage. We live about an hour from NYC but I absolutely can NOT go into the city. I hate it.

What is a man to do?

Help!

 

[icesong]

Not sure how to meet someone. OKCupid is an option but I don't want the whole world know that I am looking for a relationship in addition to my marriage. We live about an hour from NYC but I absolutely can NOT go into the city. I hate it.

What is a man to do?

OK, so you've backed yourself in a corner here - you don't want to go where you know there are poly people who wouldn't be skeeved (poly meetups in the city, although I suspect there may be some in your town as well - check meetup.com or maybe join some of the FB groups FOR the NYC poly groups). You don't want to do OKC (where you can explicitly sort for non-monogamous folks who won't be skeeved) because of privacy issues, and you don't want to hit on people you know in the rest of your life for similar reasons...

That leaves no one.

I may be being harsh, but I think you're gonna have to either go to a meetup OR try OKC, as poly women aren't just gonna fall out of the sky for you. (Or me, for that matter... )

 

[kdt26417]

Hi threesnocrowd,

Can you find any local poly groups in your area? Google "Boston polyamory" and see what comes up. Don't attend their events as a way of being a PUA, just get to know people and make friends. Eventually some friendship might turn into something more. You have to be patient.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

 

[vinsanity0]

I'll never get the whole, "I don't want the world to know" thing. The world isn't on OKC. People who are looking for relationships are on OKC.

It sounds to me like you are more afraid of rejection than anything. So what if someone is skeeved? Move on. You will increase your chances if you seek out poly women specifically, but that is still no guarantee you will not be rejected. That's life.