Old Dominion DDLG Throuple

JokerX

New member
Greetings,

I am J, 39M, married to B, 31F. We are mutually falling hard for L, 31 F.

All three of us are survivors of spousal abuse, abandonment and infidelity. We are taking our triad slowly: mutual support, dates, intimate conversations, no physical interactions, save greeting and departing pleasantries, and light cuddles for the ladies. We have established sincere and deep feelings for each other. Each of us is dealing with reservations, past traumas, and the fear of losing each other, hence the speed and content of our relationship.

Personally, as I don't wish to speak for my loves, this is the first time I have had a supportive and understanding partner. When I realized I was falling in love with L, I was TERRIFIED to confess it to B. I have guilt attached to my ability to love, deeply, more than one person.

We had fantasized about threesomes, her bisexuality, her finding a girlfriend etc., but "no feelings." When I sat her down to tell her how I felt, expecting a problem, she told me she could see it in my eyes, that she was developing a crush on L, as well, and that she had the capacity to love more than one person, as well...

She thanked me for having the courage to be honest about the best of human emotions, Love. We decided that I should tell L how we felt, that we were falling for her, that we were interested in dating, taking it slow, and finding out if dreams really could come true. Scared beyond my wits of ruining a friendship I cherished, I wrote L a letter laying out everything. Her response was "I love you both..." We have been gradually integrating L into our home, as well as our lives. The goal of taking things slow is to work through our insecurities, fears, and scars of the past.

I joined this message board to learn more about poly/throuple relationship dynamics, so that I might grow into a lover worthy of the amazing women who have stolen my heart. Any advice, reading, videos, or conversations supportive of that goal are welcome. We are not interested in swinging or dating, as we are all way too infatuated with each other. Others don't even exist to us....


Random rehearsal pic added for introduction's sake:
LazerJoker.jpg
 
Welcome Joker,

Thanks for sharing your story so far. Would you mind choosing nicknames for your partners instead of just using initials? It's easier for people to read and comprehend that way. Thanks.

So far, you have established a sort of triad. However, things are in the very early stages. You and B are dating L, but no one has had sex yet, it sounds like. Are you expecting to have threesome sex only? Or will you be fine with the women having sex together, and you and L having sex together?

Generally, if you're trying to "protect" your original relationship, you might think that only threeway sex can happen with your new partner. This is a mistake. Each dyad needs to develop at its own pace.

You+B
You+L
B+L

You might be afraid of "infidelity," so you want everyone to be present for every date and sexual encounter. But each dyad will have its own dynamic. You all have to trust each other enough to let them take their own shapes.

Also, if you want all the sex with L to be threesomes, does that mean you and B won't have sex one-on-one anymore either? If not, you can see how it's unfair to L.

I am not sure why you're even attempting a triad if you have a past history of abuse, abandonment and infidelity. Have you all had therapy around this?

I highly recommend you go to our Poly Relationships Corner and find the Resource thread that is a sticky. It lists the best current articles and books to read, and podcasts to listen to. Most formerly mono couples take a least a year or two to research how best to practice poly before attempting to actually date. If they don't know what they're doing they'll make mistakes, everyone will get their hearts broken, and at least one dyad is going to break up.

We get newly poly couples here all the time who think that forming a triad, especially a FMF one, is the best way to go. This is actually not true. Maybe you'll get lucky. But most triads don't work out. You can search the term here to read stories about how badly they usually go, and why.
 
Greetings JokerX,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

It sounds like you have a very nice throuple/triad so far, the three of you are taking things slow, and examining each step, which is the smart way to proceed. You have all three taken damage from past experiences and as such, you should be extra careful and sensitive with each other. In the meantime, let us know if you have any questions. I'm glad you could join us.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!
 
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