I had a good week of struggling, which is to be expected sometimes. I was having trouble with Dean dating. We've since been able to talk about things and come up with other ways to handle things. I also got some great advice in a thread here that helped me to put things into perspective. I pinpointed some stuff and now I can deal with that for what it is. I made a plan as well. I even made plans with Dean's date myself in an effort to make friends. We took our kids to the museum together. It was weird, but we talked about it later. Today I even offered to hold Dean's hand while he holds hers while we watched a movie, but plans changed and he's at her house tonight. I'm trying.
Basically, as always I need to be kind and patient with myself. Don't expect to be able to do things easily the first time.
In other news things are going great with Sir. He came over for dinner last night. It was pure heaven for me. He met the whole family, got to see our dynamic, and be annoyed by my dog lol. He spent a good deal of time talking to my eldest about comics. I really liked what was happening. Dean and Sir seem to get on really well too, conversation was easy. There was story telling and laughter. I took pictures. I loved every minute. I got to take care of my people. I love feeding people and Dean and Sir like to eat! It's a win win. I really enjoy taking care.
After dinner we all talked for a bit then I had Sir take me out downtown. He told me He LOVED me. So when we went in to the next bar I told everyone there that I loved Him and He told everyone there that He loved me. It was fun. We aren't "out" per say so it was nice to be loud about it.
One thing that is hard right now is that I have more partners and I'm actually spending more time by myself because everyone has a partner too and there is only so much time in a day. I'm still learning to be ok with this. I don't mind being alone, I need it, I like it, but when I don't want to be alone and I'm alone it doesn't feel good.
I haven't been dating, although I'd like to find a girlfriend. I'm not actively looking so it's not a priority, just a thought in my mind.
Sir talks about finding a nesting partner. I know He still looks for dates although He's not dating. I'll need to clear that up actually now that I think of it. It's going on the list.
It's not easy at this budding stage if romance to hear about Him wanting a primary, even though I really do want Him to have that experience. I do want Him to eat dinner with someone He loves every night. I'm not in a place where I can offer that. In my day dream life I can, He'd just move in here
Don't worry I'm not suggesting it at this point. All this to say that I'm having feelings when I think about Him building a home with someone else. It'll pass, it'll fade. We have sorta talked about it. He asked me what I was gonna do when He gets another girlfriend and I told Him I'd deal with it and I will. I note the uncomfortable feelings, find why I'm having them and then move on. So, this is noted now.
OK a little more gushing, Sir helped my eldest with her math homework and I really loved the scene.
Dean is telling me right now how much fun he had at dinner and how happy he is for me and how it makes sense that Sir and I have expressed love for one another. He told me I was radiating rays of light during our dinner night. He sees me happy.
Life can be a dream. I'm just gonna focus on the positive stuff tonight while I feel a bit emotional and am alone tonight.
It's all working out. It's all good things.