One Mistake at a Time


New member

My life looks like this right now: Dating Sir for 14mths now, I spend Tuesdays at his place, he spends thursdays at mine with my nuclear family, none of my V are dating, I spend 1-2 weekends a month at Sir's, he doesn't stay over at my place anymore bc his dog very strongly wants to rip my cuts to shreds, but he comes over and spends family time on the weekends and goes to events with us- like when we took the kids to see Santa

Sir and I are doing really well, we celebrated our anniversary in Sept. with a long weekend trip to St. Augustine. We had the best time. THE BEST. We decided then and there that we could be doing anything together and make it fun. We split the cost of the trip, but I gave him cash for my portion so it felt like I was being spoiled the whole time.

In June Sir broke things off for the final time with Grace. I had hoped for the longest time that the relationship between him and I would rub off on both of them and improve their relationship. I was sad for them, still am. I didn't want things to end badly for them. The morning he told me that he had done it I was also going to tell him that I was done trying to be anything to her. She had exhausted my everything. It was clear to me that she wasn't ever going to be even a tolerable metamour.
It wasn't what I wanted and I look forward to a day where I have an amazing metamour or at least a nice to me one. I realize I have high hopes for my partners' partners, but I've learned a lot from my poor experiences. I think I just want a metamour who's willing to engage in open, honest communication and have patience and understanding. I'm not sure I can have a metamour I never speak to, in some capacity. In my poly experience to date, metamour relations have been the most challenging part. If we could just have an agreement that says "hey, we're probably going to both fuck this up despite intentions, so when we do then lets handle it X way". I think that's doable within reason. Starting from place of trust instead of fear might be a lot to ask, but I think I can do that, so should they.

I also ended a toxic relationship with SoulSister in July. I had to completely break away after the last shitty thing that she did to me. It was an event that showed me, with no doubt in my mind how she valued me.
Sometimes my life feels boring bc I'm not on any roller coasters, but its very peaceful.

I know that Sir and my relationship made us both strong enough to do what we should've probably done in those relationships years ago, possible.
We never told one another what to do, but we listened to the venting and tried to not interfere, just kept supporting one another and loving one another well.
There were times where one or the other of us said " it's not my place to answer that" or something similar. It was an interesting lesson in not meddling with the relationships of your partner. I know I had my struggles. No one want to watch their loved one get hurt, especially when it's avoidable.

Sir and Dean have been developing a friendship. It's real sweet to watch. I know, at first Dean was tolerating Sir in our home, not in a secretly Dean's thinking "get outta my house" kinda way, but in a "yeah, this is uncomfortable but I'm going to try" kinda way. Now they chit chat more when Sir is here than Sir and I do most of the time. Over a year has gone by, so I'm sure that helps. Plenty of opportunity for them to sped time together helps. Seeing first hand the way they respect one another helps too.
There have been many many happy poly moments and that goes for all three of us.

There have been issues of openness with Sir's family. I posted a bit about navigating that. As it stands I'm not spending any time with his family. I have re-met them once and briefly. They know I have kids, they invited us all for thanksgiving this year. Very sweet of them.
Sir fears their disappointment in him, their measures of success that he isn't meeting.
I don't want to lie about my husband, don't want to dance around conversations, want authentic relationships with them. It's just not time for any of that.

There's been talk of living arrangements and Dean, Sir and I have been exploring our options. Dean and I could get a loan to expand our current home and it makes the most sense to do that, but them we can currently afford to repay said loan so we-re back to zero. There's also the issue of his dog vs my cats. As it stands Sir is looking to relocate closer to my home here.

The past few months when I go to Sir's for the weekend I've brought one of the kids. It's for many reasons, some include giving Dean a little break. Integrating the families more so its not always " mom gets a vacation" and more real life.
I'm also getting one on one time with each kid and Dean gets that too in a way. Also Sir has time to invest in the kiddos, to get to know them. He's very interested in co-parenting and respectful of Dean and I. He just wants to be part of the family, including picking up responsibilities with the real life stuff. Sunday afternoons are pretty great around here when there are 3 adults. We can each help a kid finish up homework and get ready for the week. Each kid gets attention. It makes an otherwise sorta hectic afternoon into a beautiful one.

There's talk of forever from Sir and I'm on board.

Overall, my life may look different than what I wanted, but I'm getting everything I needed in a way.
I expect challenges ahead as Dean and Sir date, challenges when things change. There are a million "what if" scenarios I could worry about.
Instead of worrying I kinda play them out in my mind and start to make decisions now as to how I'd handle them.

The important part is knowing we are in this together, come what may, the foundations are set.

Sir and I have had our issues, most of which I can't remember. We're really good at knowing when to talk, what to say, what not to say, what to deal with on our own.
I do believe everyone is a healthier and happier version of themselves.
I know I have been challenged to grow.

It's good.


New member

My birthday was two days ago.
I'd been thinking for a month or so that I needed to give some time to this board.
Things over the last 5 months have been good.
The schedule I described in my last post is pretty much the same, one of my kiddos started soccer so we swapped nights to accommodate that. This sounds like a boring detail, but I was actually pleased that we navigate schedules so easily. It's also a good reminder that things aren't forever, this will continue to change. That truth helps when things are good and when things are difficult.

On a different topic I have been re-evaluating my relationship with alcohol over the lat year at least. I went sober along with my partners in October for a month. I felt great, my skin looked better even. I decided to go back to it ad this time shoot for 2 months. I started drinking again somewhere in there, but just once a week and that seemed ok, but then there was a day that I hid a drink I was having from Sir and that's when I knew things were going south. I knew it, but I didn't say anything to my people. I guess it's been about 4 months of treating my drinking like an experiment, to see what I could get way with, but after the other night I know now without a doubt that I am now a sober person. Now I should even get some help maintaining that sobriety. I'm lucky in that it's not too hard for me to quit.

I guess I brought that into this forum, because I wanted it known that I have struggles. The cards I've been dealt aren't perfect. I can't drink anymore, I have depression and anxiety, I have PTSD and panic attacks. All that and I can still do this life, I can still invest in, take care of and support my kids, my partners. Maybe I just wanted to write it down so it's out. I'm actually not even sure right now.

I have other news, happy news, but that's for another post.

Sir is dating again, I'm struggling. Seems I can dish it, but can't take it. Or I could just be raw and magnified bc of the other night. I'm sure I'll feel better soon. Especially in a few sober weeks.