Online Poly Resources

Cool. Thanks, NK.

Now ... is this something worth posting -- somewhere(?)?

Colorado State University Relationships Survey


As much as I like, I find it about impossible to know where to post some things -- since the search function hardly makes things simple and there are SO many threads here!

Just found this in another article. Map of intimate relationships.
At there is a good, comprehensive checklist called "How to Make It Work - Tools for Healthy Polyamorous Relationships." The article is too long for me to post here, but I've posted the main points below, each of which are elaborated upon at length in the article.

I especially like this sentence: "Communication skills are what make a person a good lover."

I've only kept the first paragraph of each so that it will allow me to post it here - I encourage you all to go read the entire thing - it is very good. Enjoy!

How to Make It Work - Tools for Healthy Polyamorous Relationships
  1. Tell the Truth. Lasting relationships are built on trust. Trust is built on honesty. Honesty isn't hard and it's a good habit. Bite the bullet, tell the truth. If your relationship can't weather it, you are in the wrong relationship; but it probably can. Telling the truth is easier than lying, all rumor and myth to the contrary. Lies are a lot of work. They weigh you down and isolate you. Small lies get lonely and seek out bigger lies. Don't ask one lover to lie or keep secrets from others. Secrets may not be lies but they breed lies. Secrets build walls and discourage intimacy. Know the difference between privacy and secrecy.

  2. Know Yourself. This is the most important tool and sometimes the hardest to find. Spend quality time with yourself and find out what you're like. Most people never do. Learn to tell when you are moody or unreasonable or defensive or hyper-sensitive or blinded by New Relationship Energy. Know your limits. Discover where you could do better. Learn what's healthy for you and what's not. Figure out what your priorities really are. Learn when to take a walk and cool off.

  3. Take Care of Yourself. Work on you. "Grow your own garden in your own soul, don't wait for someone else to bring you flowers." Instead of looking to other people for validation or satisfaction or happiness, learn to make it yourself. This is a vitally important skill for living. You will always be at other people's mercy - until you learn to satisfy your own needs. Once you do, you gain a freedom and confidence that can never be taken away. You can meet people as equals and choose to enjoy each other instead of carefully exchanging needs in a scarcity-driven emotional economy. Ironically, people find this kind of independence very attractive.

  4. Take Responsibility. Own your feelings. No one can make you sad or angry or happy either, they are your emotions. They exist in your head and nowhere else. You own them. You. There are always choices. Accept that sometimes you feel good or bad for no reason at all - not because of the people or events in your life. When you make someone else accountable for your feelings, your disempower yourself.

  5. Encourage Growth. Remember to care about your lovers as human beings. Support them in advancing their careers, spiritual pursuits, educations and ambitions. At their own pace and in their own way. Help them to heal and understand themselves better. Encourage them to take time by themselves and give them the space they need. Help them cultivate strength. Ask them to do the same for you but tell them how; they can't read your mind. One way to encourage growth is to give those you love the freedom to love others.

  6. Respect. Respect is a form of love. Respect yourself, set limits and boundaries and respect those of other people. Know how and when to clearly say `no' and how to listen when others say `no'. Never tolerate abuse. You deserve better. Remember to be polite to your partners, they deserve it even more than the stranger down the street.

  7. Communicate. If you want a healthy relationship, strong communication skills are a necessity, not a luxury. Trouble usually starts when talking stops. Things come up all the time that have to be worked through patiently and lovingly, even when you're having a bad day. It gets easier over time, but it takes work and a willingness to break up scar tissue and tear down walls. Communication skills are what make a person a good lover.

  8. Attitude. Having tools isn't enough, you have to really want to use them. Ya gotta wanna. Your disposition will make it work or blow it. Find a way for everyone to win. Make important decisions unanimous. Shine a positive light on difficult situations too; many relationships wither from negative energy. Don't turn little things into big things. Look for solutions, not someone to blame. Practice tolerance, patience, flexibility, generosity, understanding, forgiveness. Learn to apologize. Laugh at yourself.
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thanks, nycindie! i appreciate all of your gifts scattered about the forum.

I am so happy I stumbled across this forum/site! I've found so many great resources that I can share with my poly friends. Thank you!:D

- is a dating website with a free option. There is no field for a poly person, but there is a field for sexual orientation you can search on. Some people have "polyamory" in their profile, some do not. But I have heard there are a few poly people on there.

- is a social website, but they have forums (called "groups") for dating ads. Some are not specific to a region, some groups are specific to a region. Look for your state, province or country along with the word "polyamory". Example: Kansas polyamory.

Please note: not all groups are appropriate for placing ads. Read the group header first for rules.
okcupid and fetlife aren'y really poly sites. one is for anybody and theother is for bdsm. they have poly but not only poly so i think
Franklin Veaux, creator of now has a site specifically dedicated to polyamory, it is . There are new articles here which won't be making it to xeromag although everything from xeromag is at morethantwo.

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Okay, thought I'd update some of the links in this thread, and add more.

In NeonKaos's first post here, most of the links still work -- so check them out!

The exception is the link she had for the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom. Find it here:

NK's link to Franklin Veaux's journal went to an old post. The main page is here:

So, here's some more tidbits...

General information, education, & articles about polyamory:

Modern Poly

Tristan Taormino's Opening Up

Polyamory Weekly

The Polyamory Society

More Than Two: Polyamory from a Practical Perspective

Unitarian Universalists for Polyamory Awareness

Serolynne's Poly Articles
(now an Archive)

Organizations or publications that are poly-friendly and/or contain material on polyamory:

The Alternatives to Marriage Project

Network For a New Culture

The Woodhull Sexual Freedom Alliance

The Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality

Church of All Worlds - archived article, "Bouquet of Lovers" by Morning Glory Zell-Ravenheart
(often attributed as the first contemporary use of the term "polyamorous," though research has shown the word "polyamory" had been used several decades earlier)

How to find groups and networking/socializing opportunities near you:

The Poly Group Registry

Tristan Taormino's Opening Up » Resources » Local Organizations

Loving More » Local Groups and Communities (still in Beta testing) Refer to this thread for info: The Official Feedback/Development Thread

Poly Events All Over

Poly Dating:

OK Cupid


Ways to find poly-friendly professionals and/or those who specialize in "alternative lifestyle" counseling:

Polychromatic: Poly-Friendly Professionals.

Loving More's List of Poly-Friendly Professionals.

Tristan Taormino's Open List

National Coalition for Sexual Freedom's Kink-Aware Professionals (KAP) Directory

Psychology Today: Find a Therapist
. With this one, you can select "Relationship Issues" after you narrow it down for your zip code.

And don't forget these gems...

A thread listing blogs that belong to our members:
Our members' off-site poly blogs

A gathering of links to informative threads on our forums:
Master Thread - links to other threads worth reading
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