Personal Summaries

urmila

New member
my dilemma

I am south indian married woman 42, husband is 45. have a son 20 doing his graduate course in another town. I am a home maker and not working outside, basically shy and introvert, but once i get to know a person over a time, i can be free. He is quite opposite and ours is monogamous marriage and until now neither of us had any affair. Now I am in a peculiar situation and am afraid of the future
Recently my cousin(40) has got a job in our town and we had invited him and his wife(38) to stay with us until they gets settled in her new job and finds a decent place to stay. They don’t have any children. Both of them are extrovert like my husband, and all of us were getting on well and had almost accepted them to stay with us until he is working here. suddenly, my husband sprang a surprise telling that He is attracted to my cousin and wants the 4 of us to be a family, and all the time assuring me that he loves me very much and cant think of living without me, also that he will be miserable if I dont accept in which case they have to move out. I dont doubt about his love and i am sure he wont start an affair if i dont accept. Ours is a very conservative traditional society, and was shocked and he told me to think about it. I have not given any answer to this

Meanwhile i took this up with my cousin, he confessed that his wife also expressed the same sentiments. He is sure that she wont proceed further without our consent. And another shocking thing he said was, after his wife revealed her sentiment she told him that she will be happy if he can develop a relationship with me. After that he confessed that he has started seeing me differently and found that it is not a bad idea at all, and dont want to leave us, at the same time assuring me that everything depends on me and nothing will be done behind my back and explained that it is not like just wife swapping like what we have read about, and it is all of us genuinely loving each other. He said it is not a very strange idea and there is even a word for that type of living –“POLIMORY” and gave me some links for me to explore and know more about this. This is the first I have started exploring.
And I am still confuse more than that worried and getting anxious about our future. I have told both my husband and cousin that I need more time to consider this. I honestly don’t know how to deal with the situation. I hope as I explore more I could come to a conclusion with some guidance from people who have adopted this life style.
urmila
:confused:
 

Kambicpl78

New member
Well we are 100% new to Poly and only found out about it in search for what you'd call what we are looking for in our lives.

We are a 34M/33F couple from Canada, married 7 years, with up's and down's lately more downs as we are trying to figure out how to adapt our relationship, home and lifestyle to fulfill our lives more.

We have talked about "having a 3rd" live with us on several occasions over the years, down to rules if it was a female, if it was a male... What would cheating be considered. This mainly started when we thought of getting a roommate and the idea surfaced in joking, then became serious... But it seems almost overwhelming as where to start, how or where do you approach anyone. Neither of us hit the dating scene long and we're never in anything serious till we met and hit it off.

The biggest problem at our current stage is where to talk to people and how to describe what we are looking for and wording it delicately as not to offend anyone since we are new to this. Mainly the fact we are looking for a friend which relationship possibilities NOT swingers! It's not about the sex, more sharing a relationship, our home (might add no kids) etc. It seems more dating sites which allow married or couples are mainly used by swingers and locally any mention of a 3rd quickly turns into "you want a threesome", "I'd **** your wife", etc. Basically where to look and avoid the sluts. ::confused:

We are not looking to get married, lol. Just open our lives to share with someone else which together should make things better as we live n learn from eachother.
 

oooceleste

New member
I've found the answer! (I think. I hope.)

I am a decent, respectable woman whose life was derailed by the fact that I am not by nature monogamous, or vanilla. 'Playing away' to get my kink attended to led to the end of my marriage and caused tremendous pain for my entire family. To say I have regrets would be an understatement.

I have been celibate for years pondering the way ahead. I don't want to hurt anyone or lie or cheat ever again. But I can't deny my kink, and I can't pretend I will be faithful to one man forever and ever, and the chances of finding a life partner who shares my kink in this small city are extremely remote. I don't like casual sex. I am made for relationships, and have found that for me, a relationship may change in its nature but the connection and the caring go on.

I was excited when I thought of a solution: polyamory. What I have been missing most is warm, loving, ordinary cuddling up in bed. Vanilla sex is still my default setting. There must be a vanilla man out there who would like a LTR relationship with me and wouldn't mind me getting my kinky itch scratched by a third party.

I'm just at the start of my journey. I'm excited and apprehensive, and hope I'm being realistic. I know it's a minefield and expect I will need lots of support and advice. Thank god for the net.
 

cjmobxnc

New member
I found this site while looking for reading material on polyamory. My ex-husband and I were in a poly relationship (MMF) about 11 years ago. Had some really bad things happen between my daughter and her father (my ex) which ended up causing both the poly relationship and the relationship between my ex and I to blow up and fall apart. My daughter ended up living with her godparents and I moved in with my mom and her roommate. I kept thinking about what could have happened if things had been done differently, and finally decided to look for some poly reading material. During the search, I found this forum. I hope to meet many people who are also wanting to learn about poly, doesn't matter if you are poly or not. Just looking for friends to learn with.
 
New here

Im Pinky shortcake. Im married for 8 yrs together 18. We have 3 kids. He is straight and mono. Myself on the other hand am bi and new to poly(the title not the lifestyle)

How I got here.

I lived as a mono straight wife until 5-6 yrs ago. I reconnexted with a girl from high school. We grew to become best friends. Over time we developed feelings for each other. Eventually We (or at least I) fell head over heels in love with each other. She (j) had relationships with women in the past until she married. During our relationship i realized it was completely possible to be in love with more than 1 person.
I did tell my husband of my feelings for her. He suprisingly was ok with the relationship because up to that point i had been honest. She had not told her husband anything.
We decided to become physical. Which was the most amazing time in my life. Id never felt sooo much love as I did then. I decided not to tell my husband(only lie ive ever told him.) i did this for her. She wasn't ready to let her husband know. Well needless to say her husband was told the truth. Yet this woman who i believed loved me as she said denied our entire 5 yr love affair. She dismissed it as if it was nothing. Completely broke my heart but also changed my life.
Had this not happened my husband would not know the person Ive kept hidden until J.
R(husband) and I have decided that this lifestyle would work for us. We have great communication and no secrets. We together are at a place where allowing another into our lives will only make it better.
Im completely satisfied in my marriage but i crave the love of a woman. The understanding ,compassion and love only a woman can give.
 

snap6674

New member
Hello . . . allow me to introduce myself. My user name is "Snap" or "snap6674" if you would like my real name, just send a not...I am not shy. My wife, Jules, and I are not shy about our lifestyle. I am happy to inform you that Jules gives an absolutely stellar Blow Job. That's her gift! She is a professional orally, and...although I would love to watch or participate in her action, that is her desire...to please men. Jules is shy when it comes to groups, but, Jules also LOVES women (as long as the know how to kiss) and she will gladly share me with that lucky woman and watch.

I, personally, am most happy when I am chosen to be a 3rd. I am experienced with MF, FF, and even experienced being a 4th if needed. Although I am gifted in pleasing all women, I am also gifted in making a MF or FF fantasy come true.

That's me and Jules...Men, let me know your interest and I'll be glad to hook you up with my wife (however, you better have an above average, pretty cock). Couples...i"m here to please...figure out what you want and I'm in!

That's me and Jules...take a chance?
 

snap6674

New member
Um...I got that in my in-box...was that "holy shit" meant as a reply to my introduction? Just checking cause I'm still trying to figure this site out. Please let me k ROCnow either way?

BTW...You ROCK!!!!
 

thetasignmom

New member
My name is Elise and I am married to a wonderful man. He and I have been married for 16 years and together for 17. Four years ago, I fell in love with a woman I met on line and after a year of LD dating, we all moved in together. Just recently I have added another male lover to my life who is also living with us. I also am the mom to three children, all of whom still live at home. At this time, I am the only member of my tribe with multiple lovers although my wife is open to finding a man that she can share time and relationship with. We are a srong Pagan family and our spiritual paths are our primary focuses.
 

JaneQSmythe

Well-known member
(Not-So?) Short Intro:

37 y/o poly bi female, hinge in V with husband, MrS, (together for 20 years, married for 16) and bf, Dude, (I first met 20 mos ago, together for 9 mos). Dude has been essentially living with us since the the day we “got together” (we tease him that he is such a U-haul lesbian...>smile<). One bedroom house, one king-size bed – I get the middle. (Dude sleeps on the couch if MrS is snoring too loud). No kids. Two dogs, one cat, one snake.

I've known I was poly since ...always (well before the word came into usage), and known I was bi since my (then future) husband pointed out that being attracted to and sleeping with men and women was, by definition, “bisexuality” (who knew you needed a word for that? My answer to “Are you straight or gay?” was always just “no”).

MrS: 39 y/o straight (“but not narrow”) male, probably monogamous, and can apparently read my mind...

Dude: 34 y/o hetero male, poly (although he didn't know the word until he met me) and perpetually horny...

MrS and Dude were friends for a year or two before I was introduced to Dude.

I have two very relaxed LDR FWB type relationships (of 19 and 5 years duration) with bisexual women who have primary type relationships with men.

Back in the TCP/IP days on the internet (early to mid '90s) I used to lurk and occasionally post to alt.polyamory on Usenet (under a different pseudonym). But as nothing was changing in my own personal poly life I drifted away. Now with a radical shift in my situation (i.e. Dude) I find myself in need of some poly community conversation – and am so pleased to find you all here and the conversations thriving.

(Oh yeah, other things you might notice about me – I am a.) long-winded and b.) overly fond of parenthetical asides...and ellipses >grin<. I wrote a whole lot more, but decided that, as my “not-so-short” intro, was running to 3 pages I should probably just cut it to the basics and save the rest for a blog-type thread...if I get around to it... I am also a massive procrastinator.)
 

curiosity

New member
stuck in a mess

20+ years into marriage, hubby realizes he's bi. we agree to explore this together. that doesnt work out so great (different tastes in people, and it seemed that a lot of men really weren't as bi as they said they were and ended up only wanting to be with a woman)....anyways....we went our seperate ways for bed buddies. about a year into this, he finds a gf, falls in love and decides he's poly. he wants to join her family with mine and i am having serious problems dealing with this. he says if i can't accept this, i'm free to go. i don't want a divorce and sharing him emotionally seems to go against what marriage is. i am lost and seem to spend most of my time in tears anymore. when we did the exploring together we had discussed finding a man to join us, to share but not necessarily live with us. In hind site, for me at least, it was fantasy talk something that I never really thought would happen so it was safe to talk about. He will not push her into my bed, but he would love for us all to live together. I am hurt, confused, and curious. Can something like this work with people who are sooo opposite?
 

Jade

Member
What does it mean when you say, "he wants to join her family to mine?" What does he envision? You said he'd love for you to live together. Well, what if you just say, "No"? You do have a choice. He does not hold all the power in your relationship. Your heart may be breaking, but that does not mean you should accept what you cannot handle just to please him. Do not let him make you believe that you have to walk. You can always say, "This is what I need. This is what I'm willing to do. This is what I'm not willing to do." He can walk, if he chooses to. But you owe it to yourself and him to stand your emotional ground and work things out honestly.

I would gently suggest that sharing someone emotionally does not go against marriage. Marriage is commitment, but that commitment does not have to take the form you were taught from childhood.

Plenty of poly relationships exist in which partners do not live together, and you have the right to expect your spouse to meet his responsibilities to you, the children, the household.

Can it work? It can. Will it work? There is really know way to know. All relationships are filled with risks.
 

CrystalLiving

New member
Summary

My name is Crystal and I am here to educate myself.

My fiance just told me that he wants to be in a long term poly relationship with me and someone else. We are to live together.

I am understanding through this wonderful website that some people just may be wired this way and it is not about...
1. he does not love me (????)
2. I am not enough
3. Do I suck in bed THAT bad (???)

Clearly I am confused, hurt, and broken...but I want to understand and see if I can be ok in this community. He is not asking me to get a new partner, he is just wanting to "add someone to our family".

I have a headache.
I cried for 13 hours and then had a thought-- Can I do this?
This is not about me. This is about his needs. Can I do this?
This is not about the amazing times we share and how much I love him... Can I do this?

Well, folks-- there you go. My heart is on my sleeve and I am open and raw to all of you now.

You know my deep secret... my fiance is poly. What does that mean to me? I hope to find out through this website and reading your educating posts.

Thank you for being here as a resource for me.

CL
 
I'm a second year at a top university in MA, Libertarian, open-minded, happy, busy, loving, and very sexual. I'm new to poly and am trying to take it slowly.

Last year I took a year off university and met my partner at home, A. We've always been open because we knew I'd be leaving OH for MA - the good thing is that he thinks he's poly, too.

More recently I've been getting to know a new partner, C, at school. He's not sure if he's poly, but neither of us have the time for commitment right now. So we're building a romantic friendship and seeing where it goes from there.

He is also romantic friends with D, the first guy he's had feelings for.
 

clumsysonnet

New member
ethical non-monogamy in the Bible belt

Hi there. Clumsysonnet here.

I'm a female, born in September 1982 and raised in western Pennsylvania, USA. I got my BA in Creative Writing at a Christian college. Shortly after graduating from college, I met a truck-driver, Gopokesea, from a journaling site and we fell in love. In 2006, we moved to Kentucky together and a year later we got married. He's my best friend and the love of my life.

Gopokesea is the one responsible for introducing me to "love without fences" as we called it. He believed in its theories but had never practiced it. I found it pretty horrible-sounding at first and didn't want any part of it. But as time went on, I warmed up to the idea of non-monogamy.

I started seeing other people in late 2006, and in 2007 had a very messy, tumultuous relationship with a man who wanted me to leave Gopokesea for him. I dropped the guy of course. Gopokesea and I decided to focus on each other for the next couple years since we obviously weren't ready for this big step. Finally, in mid-2009 we opened up our relationship again.

Fast-forward to the future. Here is my happy little family:

Clumsysonnet: b. 1982, female, courthouse worker in family court division, thespian in community theatre (primarily comedies, musicals, and operas).

Gopokesea: b.1970, my husband, truck-driver and computer nerd with very eclectic taste in music. Been together since June 2005, married since November 2007. He is on the road a lot due to his profession. He is polyamorous too and has dated several women. Currently, he is with just me.

Schyster: b. 1981, my boyfriend. We've been together since January 2010 when we met in a play. He moved in with us in July of that same year and is known by most as "the guy who rents the upstairs of my house." We're two peas in a pod. Schyster works at a grocery store and is a fellow actor and artist. He's very monogamous and wants no one but me.

Dutchman: b. 1983, my other boyfriend. He is a metabolic engineer from the Netherlands. I met him on a dating site in June 2011 and we've been pretty smitten with each other ever since. Sadly, he moved to New Hampshire in September 2011 but we're trying to make the long-distance thing work. We're in the process of working on our relationship...he wants to try dating other women and I'm learning how to deal with my jealousy.

We're not very run-of-the-mill "poly people"...We're all very heterosexual, have no interest in group sex, and have rather vanilla sex, too. We were all raised Christian and all but Dutchman consider ourselves to still be Christian (though we're more like the lazy kind who don't go to church except on holidays). The Christian thing doesn't cause me much guilt (Solomon and David were men of God and had multiple partners...a lot of people did back then!) but knowing so many religious people has caused us to live pretty closeted lives. Our families don't know except for a select few members (like my brother and his wife and a brother-in-law who lives with us) and most people who know us have no idea.

I look forward to being able to read other people's stories and learn more about how to deal with different situations, especially in relation to people who don't understand our lifestyle.
 

Nerdpower13

New member
Nerdpower13 here. I'm a nerd from southern Virginia. I love reading, writing, video games, tabletop roleplaying games, and pretty much any other nerdy thing you can think of. I am 23 years old and have been married for a year, with my wife for 2. We just opened our relationship in November. Originally I was reluctant to open it up though we had discussed a triad which is my personal ideal. In the end of November, not long after opening our marriage we thought we had met the girl who would complete our triad. We payed to fly her here from California because she was going through a lot of family problems there and we didn't want to do long distance. She lived with us for almost a month and tensions rose throughout that time but we tried to ignore them. They mostly arose from her being spoiled and getting whatever she wanted on the West Coast then moving here where we have to live off of donating plasma and food stamps in addition to our income. Tensions came to a boil on my birthday and we ended up breaking up with her. For a few weeks after that we didn't open the relationship back up but then we talked it over and decided we would give it another shot.

We had a few issues with her hiding other guys from me even though she knew I was okay with it because she was afraid of hurting me but we smoothed things over and talked things out. Now we're relatively happy together. She is being open for the sex but I have decided that if I am going to see anyone outside of my marriage I would have to have an emotional connection. My wife has a guy she is talking to but I am still searching and having a few issues because of loneliness. I'm working through it though and hoping to find a cool nerdy girl who can be with me. And that's about it as of now.
 

Emm

Stealth Mod
I've never really felt that monogamy was right for me, but until very recently have never had the guts to insist on anything else. I've let myself be talked into—or more accurately be "assumed into"—around 20 years worth of serial monogamy until I finally put my foot down at the beginning of a new relationship late last year. That went a lot more smoothly than I'd expected because he'd been trying to work out how to bring up the subject himself.

I now have two boyfriends who, thanks to the ingrown nature of local social circles, have known each other for years. I'm a recent transplant from the other side of the country so everyone's new to me. The first guy (mentioned above) is otherwise unattached at the moment, and the second is married.

Until I met boyfriend #1 I didn't realise there was actually a name for the type of relationship I was looking for. It turns out I'm not weird after all. Who knew?

Anyway, me: Female, 35 for another few weeks, straight, cat person.
 

Emm

Stealth Mod
I've never really felt that monogamy was right for me, but until very recently have never had the guts to insist on anything else. I've let myself be talked into—or more accurately be "assumed into"—around 20 years worth of serial monogamy until I finally put my foot down at the beginning of a new relationship late last year. That went a lot more smoothly than I'd expected because he'd been trying to work out how to bring up the subject himself.

I now have two boyfriends who, thanks to the ingrown nature of local social circles, have known each other for years. I'm a recent transplant from the other side of the country so everyone's new to me. The first guy (mentioned above) is otherwise unattached at the moment, and the second is married.

Until I met boyfriend #1 I didn't realise there was actually a name for the type of relationship I was looking for. It turns out I'm not weird after all. Who knew?

Anyway, me: Female, 35 for another few weeks, straight, cat person.
 

AutumnWhisper

New member
Hello!

I am a bi sexual married poly woman. My husband and I ... I guess... are unicorn hunters.. though the term does hurt a little XD lol cause at one point I was that unicorn for a long while. I finally gave up the idea of finding a couple to join and just went about my life. Now I'm in a relationship and have had always had a yearning for a triad with a male and female, my husband is perfectly okay with this. I promise he's really in it for the relationship and not the sex, to him and I sex is just a way of expressing love to another. I've never been in any type of poly relationship though I don't doubt myself one bit that I can't handle it. Came here to the site to ask questions about a couple seeking that third piece.
 

mman85

New member
Hello,

My name is Mike. I'm 26, and living in the Albany area of NY. I'm of average and slightly athletic build, and like to eat healthy. I am taking a break from school, and trying to get settled in life right now. I am divorced, and still in the process of starting over, so ya. I'm looking for an emotionally exclusive, sexually open relationship. I'm an experienced swinger, and enjoy many different flavors of sexual activities. I am seeking somebody who can keep up with me sexually, enjoys or at least tolerates my nerdy hobbies, and has goals in life. You should be able to let loose during the weekend, and return to school or work with no issues once Monday morning rolls around. I would like to find someone I can both share life with because of similarity, as well as learn something from due to differences. I do not wish to date myself, but I also want something in common with my partner. I value intelligence, maturity and honesty. The eight things I find important, and necessary to any successful relationship are honesty, dedication, passion, compromise, trust, understanding, communication, and balance. I never give more than I get back in return, and I learned that lesson the hard way. A potential partner should be of the same mindset. You all can feel free to shoot me a private message if you wish to know more. A friend of mine gave me the address for this site, and I'm excited to see how it plays out. Thanks. :)
 
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