Personal Summaries


New member
My name is Raven and I'm currently a 21-year-old senior Biology major at a private liberal arts university in the Pacific Northwest.

As a biologist, I've always wondered why humans seem determined to deny their animal instincts in as many areas of their lives as they can. I've never felt that there was a limit to the amount of love one person could have, so being able to only share your love with one person seemed like a greater constriction than was necessary. If people could share their love more freely, we'd be a happier people, and would be able to be more true to our animal nature.

I met my fiance when I was 13, and we've had 8 years of friendship and love since then. In the last few years, it has turned into a romantic love that we share with one another. We've always had different ideas about sexuality and love than most, and were intrigued when a poly friend introduced us to the idea. After discussing the theory and implications of being polyamorous, we've decided that we're right for it. It's been a challenging but happy road since then. :)

Any questions, just ask.
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New member
she dreamed of purple love

Hi, My name is Jo and I'm a 25 year female from Australia.
I am currently studying to be a Naturopath, and decided about 5 years that I wanted to dedicate my life to personal development and experiencing growth and expansion as a human as i navigate my way through the world in this lifetime.

Yoga is a huge passion of mine and yogic philosophy underpins a lot of my beliefs and understandings about life, mixed up with a little buddhism, feminism, passion and purpledreamer-ism... I like to challenge my beliefs and marvel at how I can be, feel and think one thing, and its complete opposite, at the same time...

I am bisexual, however most of my sexual experiences have been with men, and all of my long term partners have been men.
I've had some pretty negative relationships in the past, which led to a developing interest in people and how we relate, and especially about concepts of love and what makes up a relationship. I guess I always imagined we could be relating in much greater ways than we were. I imagined relationships that challenged ego, pushed for growth, and that saw love conquering all... Although unfortunately this idea eventually manifested itself as me loving people, despite the horrible ways in which they treated me.

However luckily for me it was all perfect (isn't it always :)) as this prompted the commencement of my journey toward developing true self love and acceptance.
As a part of this journey, I found myself listening to various 'alternative' podcasts about sex and sexuality, gender and relationships, reading books, looking at website and found my ideas regarding the possibilities for my life and my relationships expanding.

In the last two years specifically, I feel like I have come into myself as a woman, and am living in an way that sees me transforming into a more empowered and loving woman every day, as I find myself developing and sustaining healthier ideas about myself, my sexuality, my place in this world, and the universe.

I have recently (about 6 months ago) become involved with IamWhoIam, who has two other significant others in his life.
I had been intrigued by the idea of polyamory and also open relationships and swinging. I felt challenged just thinking about myself in a relationship like that, I thought 'I could never handle that'. That thought just seemed to interest me in it all the more as I wondered why I felt such a strong challenge to it, and I felt a clinging about it, and then wanted to figure out why.
I found it fitting that a few months later I met IamWhoIam. I didn't intend on becoming romantically involved with him (although I did find the fact that he had two girlfriends VERY intriguing), but it didn't take long for 'head' to lose any say in the matter, as this kind hearted, intelligent and extremely loving man is someone that you just can't not love. He shares my ideas regarding growth and personal development and often has me in awe at his dedication to his discipline. We don't spend much time together, but I have felt more loved by him, than any romantic partner I have ever had in my life. I also feel free to love him in a way that can move, grow, change, and where I feel allowed to be everything that I am. He is without a doubt the most amazing individual I have ever known in my life (apart from myself of course:p), and I love him to bits.

What I thought would be the biggest challenge (the idea of a loved one being intimate with another), has actually not really been an issue for me.
Mainly I have found the practicalities of the relationship and time constraints the hardest thing to adjust to. Not seeing and speaking to each other often.

There has also been some struggling and negativity between myself and his live in partner, mainly to do with this being a new experience for everyone involved, and it has surfaced insecurities for us both. And while its a bit sticky at the moment, I have confidence that it will all work out well eventually as she is a lovely girl, and so I am...(so how can it not work out :p)

While not really liking labelling our relationship, a struggle I have had is essentially being a secondary, and not feeling as though our relating is as 'valid' or allowed as his and his live-in SO. This challenges me a bit.
Whether this is something I am happy to accept or not for my life for the future – I am not sure, but I imagine as other relationships in my life change form, and does my life, my perception of this will change, even if 'it' doesn't.

I have also recently told my parents and friends about my relationship, all who seemed to accept it quite easily, which I was pleasantly surprised about. I feel they just think its another random phase I am going through...but either way, I appreciate their acceptance.

I have found this forum, and other like it such a wonderful resource, and wish to thank everyone who contributes on here. I don't post much, but do read a lot, and have found lots of answers, peace and strength through reading of similar struggles to mine, and also just other 'life' stuff. Thanks guys :)

I feel blessed to have discovered polyamory, as it allows me to love in a way that feels open, free and grounded in truth. I love being able to love without boundaries, without rules. Because if it has rules, is it really even love?

Many blessings and love to you all.



New member
Hello everyone!

I am Sweetheart, and I have been living a poly lifestyle since 1994.

I found out about poly from the book "Love Without Limits", which I found in a bookstore and bought without realizing what it was about! Reading it opened my mind to the concept, but I didn't think I would ever actually live that kind of life.

Then in 1994, I made friends with a young woman who lived a poly lifestyle, and it was my 1st exposure to a successful poly situation. I really got to know her, and we ended up becoming best friends. After we had known each other for quite a while, she asked how I would feel if we became lovers. Actually, we had loved each other for a long time by then, so it was pretty natural. Eventually, she moved away, but we stayed in touch and are still best friends. All my relationships up to that time had been mono.

After that, I stayed involved in the poly community, and made a lot of friends. I have been in several different Vs and triads over the years.

I met my wife R in 1996 and we have been married since 1998. She has had many lovers, both male and female, and identifies herself as "mostly lesbian". Together, we have been in several poly relationships.

We have been involved in poly for what seems like a long time, and occasionally go to poly events such as the Loving More conferences.

My Poly Relationships:

Lasted about 3 years. Not exactly a quad, but close. I was sexually intimate with one woman, but emotionally romantic with the other. The other man was sexually intimate with both women, but never both at the same time (both women were straight). He and I were never sexual with each other, but were good friends. Eventually, one of the women moved on and things settled into a V for a while, until I met someone mono and dated her exclusively for a while. The others in the V stayed friends with me for years afterwards.

I met a woman through a phone dating service, and while we were in a relationship, I met another woman, and continued dating both of them. They knew about each other, but never met.

FMF: Triad
I dated a mono woman whose friend admitted one day that she thought we were both hot, and wanted to do us both. More of a fling than a real relationship.

Intimate Network
I was in committed relationships with 2 different women, one of whom had a serious male partner, and the other was in a serious relationship with 2 other men, as well as having a large number of more casual lovers. I was good friends with one of her 2 men (the father of her son).

I became involved with a couple who were close friends of mine. The man and I were never sexual. She and I lived together as roommates, but her boyfriend did not live with us, although he was over all the time. Later, another man moved in and was also emotionally involved with the woman.

Met my wife who was already in a committed poly relationship at the time. They referred to it as an "open marriage". They were searching for single women, but found me instead. He and I were never sexual with each other, but were friends. The V lasted for a while, but eventually broke up, and he settled into a new FMF triad which was sexual every direction, and has lasted for over a decade.

FMF: Triad
R and I met a woman while out one day, and struck up a conversation which led to us taking her home with us. It didn't last, but we gave it a serious try.

I had a serious relationship with a mono woman while married to R, and we sometimes all hung out together.

R had a girlfriend for a short time, and that woman had a serious boyfriend.

FMF: Triad
R and I had a great girlfriend together for a while, and we still get along really well with her.

R and I met an existing FMF triad at a poly conference, and everyone got along so well with everyone else that one huge relationship developed. It was quite something for a while there! Eventually one of the women voiced some insecurities that made us all take a step back and return to our old arrangements. We still visit them, though.

FMF: Triad
A very serious relationship that we all look back on fondly. We all lived together in a nice house, and took care of each other's children. Her kids' father (not exactly an "ex", but sort of) was often over, and we got along well with him. We still see her and her kids sometimes.

MFM: Triad
We all had sex together. He was much older than us. A very loving and gentle relationship, which still maintains a soft spot in our hearts. He left to pursue a mono relationship with an old friend.

An old friend of mine moved in with us for a while, and was intimate with R. We all got along great, and had many interests in common. He eventually met a mono woman and got married.

series of Vs
During this extended period, R had many relationships (and/or flings), while I had no one besides her. Mostly this was because I was now staying home to raise and homeschool several children, and just didn't have time for extra relationships.

FMF: Triad
We met a single woman and both totally fell in love with her at the same time. It went well for a while, but she was mono and became overwhelmed with the idea of poly. It ended badly.

R had a mono lesbian girlfriend for a while, and they got pretty serious. I never met her.

series of Vs
During this period, I dated several different women (most of whom I met online) while R dated no one but me.

Many of these relationships were brief, just a few months or so, whereas others were quite long-term. Some are still ongoing, to various degrees. Please feel free to ask me for details on any of these relationships

Trust, honesty and communication work wonders... ;)
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New member
My name is Shawna. I am 25 and from the Valley of California. I enjoy hanging out with my friends and just relaxing. Drinking some beer and watching tv. I am a college student as there are currently no jobs in my area.


New member
I'm known as Persephone on the internet, Coco's my real-life nickname. I'm 23, single, bi-curious, have no experience with polyamory but have recently been invited into a poly relationship. I'm thinking about it.

I was recently dumped by the love of my life in a cold and callous manner: on email. Apparently I was "too emotional" and "draining his free spirit." This from a crossdresser whom I helped with putting on his lingerie and makeup. We were together just one week shy of a year and I was madly in love with him.

I'm very interested in exploring my bi-curiosity, but as yet, have not had the opportunity. I haven't told anyone other than my ex and a few people on internet forums about my curiosity, since I'm worried about their reactions.


New member
Ciel du Matin's Summary

Hi there.

British-born poly guy living in Upstate New York. If I had to apply labels (which, for the record, I dislike) I would put myself more toward the polyfidelity relationship pattern.

With the benefit of hindsight I have been poly since my teens, where I couldn't understand why it wasn't "right" to have multiple friends with whom I could be affectionate (it wasn't about sex then), or that there were prescribed things with "friends" did and didn't do, and "lovers" did and a didn't do.

I struggled with societal pressures, trying to conform to what I thought people expected of me. Sometimes this got me down to the point where I made some unfortunate decisions, regretting them horribly later, not knowing that there was another way to be honest and open without being monogamous.

I discovered the term "polyamory" in the early 90s and that was when I felt a door opened on my road to self-discovery. I was involved with a monogamous partner at the time, and it was quite a shock - but we both felt very committed to the relationship and wanted to work to see if we could make it work for us. I am very happy to say that we are still together - I am most definitely poly and she is most definitely mono, and we have made it work. During this time I had to find out a lot about what I did and didn't need in my life - I tried FwB-style relationships, but realised that they weren't for me.

I am out to some of my friends, but not at work, and to none of my family.

All of my poly experiences to-date have been with females in a "V" configuration. I have been in situations where the two ladies couldn't really stand each other, and ones where they liked each other and got along well. I know which one I prefer! Each relationship has been an interesting learning experience for all involved and I feel that my partner and I have grown as a couple and realised what works and what doesn't. most of my relationships have been longer-term (i.e. longer than several months), which is my preference.

Since June of 2008 we have been in our latest "configuration" with lovefromgirl, as she is known here. So far this is easily the best so far in terms of how well our goals fit and the general dynamic of the relationships. The level of commitment that is shown astounds me in a very good way. Various people were quite vocal about how it wouldn't last, and I am very pleased to say that they were dead wrong.

I am a big believer in the value of experience - I really wish that I had had resources like this as I was growing up (and I mean that in several ways) - people who were actually doing it and making it work. It's hard to read in a book how the day-to-day stuff goes on, the red flags, etc. so I love hearing how others are doing it.

Parts of my "journey to poly" have been extremely rough, and I feel that if I can help one person feel not so alone, or to avoid some of the common pitfalls that can significantly set things back, then I have made a positive difference and I continue learning and hope that this will never stop.

I love the diversity of the poly communities out there and have met people that I wouldn't have otherwise had any contact with, and learned a lot from them.

My latest poly-related project has been to work with others in starting a discussion/meet-up forum for the state of New York, trying to "fill the gaps" between the currently-active groups already there. I have been mostly very pleased at the reception that we have got from the membership and feel that we have added something positive to the poly community. It has most certainly been a learning experience about the broadness of character types in the poly community.

And lastly I'm glad to have found this forum, which I believe is one of the best poly-related forums on the Internet.

Thanks for reading!


New member
2 guys and a purple headed girl

I'm 26, born and raised Okie, I have two amazing husbands, one I've been married to for 4yrs and the 2nd joined us this past year (its coming up on a year in april!) I live here in Oklahoma with Husband #1 and my Husband #2 is currently stationed overseas...
I've always been a free spirit and very willing to love and be who I am and not what ppl think I should be (proly why I'm 26 and have purple hair... but ya)
I'm a photographer, and run my own business, and when I'm not doing that I'm in my office crafting,painting,ect...
and here is my lil love story:
we'll call husband #1 M and husband #2 E
M & E have been friends for over 10yrs.. never in a million would they have dreamed they'd end up share the same wife little alone being ok with it.
I'm quite new to the term polyamory, I discovered it when I was searching to find someone that had a situation like mine, I had grown up in a very strict and at times sheltered "religous" home so imagine my personal struggle when I realized I was in love with two men and I was already married to one of them!
It all started when I met them, E was married and I was interested in M
I fell in love with M and married him within a year, the more I got to know E the more I had what I thought was just a "crush" but since he was married I left it alone. fast forward 4yrs...
things ended with E's marriage and he was coming around more which I LOVED but wouldn't admit it to myself, well there was a conversation between me and E that changed everything, he confessed that he's been in love with me for the past 4yrs... *gulp*
Trying to be the good "friend" I told him I understood and I was flattered but left it alone... or at least I thought, the more he came around the more I started having these feelings that weren't going away until I finally had to admit to myself that I had fallen for him, scared at what my husband (#1) would think.. but knowing that I have always been able to have a open and honest relationship with him, and I confessed everything, he already knew how E felt about me and he could see it. M encouraged me to explore mine and E's love for one another and let me know he cared about both of us and wanted us happy, he also knew I wasn't going anywhere ;) so he was open to bringing him into our lives for good. E had heard about relationships like this but never been apart of one so he wasn't against it, and anything to be with me and not split me from M.
Now there's been some adjusting at first, me and M never thought about having more than just 2 in a marriage but 3 works for us, they are both mono but are ok with me being with both of them. We plan on having a family together in the future, when he moves back home (military)
Things are difficult right now with E being stationed in a dif country, but luckily it's one I can visit. We're making it work... it's just hard when your heart is in two piece in two opposite sides of the world....:(
and that's my summary.... for now....;)
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New member
We're a happy V with kids. Look forward to meeting other people.
Nothing major to share yet.. just enjoying knowing other people who can accept our non-conformity.


New member

I'm living on the East Coast, and a married, female medical professional who identifies as bi-curious.
My husband and I started out as a mono relationship, and in the past month or so, he approached me about opening up the marriage.
Being a big science fiction and fantasy reading nerd from forever, I think, made me more open to this intellectually than I otherwise would have been given my upbringing.
However, my husband is more interested in Swinging type relationships (to him sex is kind of like a physical function, like eat, sleep etc...)
While I am more the type that I need romance, dating, at least a very deep and open friendship plus that physical attraction, before I really want to get into the bedroom with anyone.
We are expecting our first child, and have put on hold any physical explorations of any kind, until after we give birth and have figured out how to fit our new baby into already very busy professional lives.
However we are interested in friendships, especially with people with long and positive experiences of open relationships, as we figure out what it is we want!
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Active member
My journey to Polyamorous lifestyle..

Hi my name is Starlight1 on here, I dont feel comfortable giving out my name.
I am 24, 5'4" curvy/slim redhead american living in the UK. I am very outspoken and direct. I am LDS, which colors my views on polyamory as I try to live within the standards of my church but eventaully I will have to either marry the two sides of me or get rid of one.

I am bi-sexual but non-practicing although I have several women I am very closely attached to. I am also going through a divorice and I have two lovely little girls who are 2 and 3.5 yrs old.

A bit of history about myself. I have moved over 25 times, and have stopped counting on this matter. I currently live in the southwest of england, and I am getting a divorice because of a history of physical/sexual/emotional/financial abuse in my relationship with my ex-partner, to be refered to as A from me.

I basically got married too young with out realising I was bisexual. Or admitting to myself or him I was. But he knew pretty early on and used to try to force the issue when I wasnt ready to talk about it, and then tried to pursue my friends..Or turn it back around on me as if i were cheating on him. Which I never did.

I am simply the type of person able to love many people. I do not have any jealousy with people and do not really feel that emotion much at all. I am an oilpainter of many many years, floutest, singer, writer, poet and very spiritual creative personality.
I am highly sensitive to people around me and their body language and their moods. I like to make people happy and laugh. :)

I left A back in may 2009 and am now trying to re-build a relationship with my best friend H who is also the same religion as me and we have known each other since i was 16. I am hoping we can come to terms with our religion and also work something out between us as she is the dearest person to me in my life. I would be so blessed to share my life with her in any way.

So at the moment I am not commited specifically to any one person but I am romatically attached to a few, one named M(a bi male) in austrailia and then H(bi female) who was my friend in highschool and a few other potential people. Much NRE floating around with M as we have only just made plans to start taking online to reality in the last month or so. It is getting very exciting.

That is basically it right now, busy being a mother, a belly dancer, artist, student, ect ect...loving living life right now too :D
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New member
You can just call me Eramie. I'm a 25 year old, married for almost four years. My husband and I are in a polyamorous relationship, or at least that how we're defining it. Our adventure started last year when I met another guy I really wanted to date; my husband and I talked and agreed that this would be okay and that he was welcome to date other women. That relationship didn't work out and I am currently looking for a new g/f or b/f. I'm having a lot of trouble in this area, as I've met guys who are only interested in "hooking up" and I don't have the most experience with relationships with girls (although I am open to the idea).

I've sought out this forum as I think my relationship with my husband is having some issues as far as the polyamory goes. I don't think this is something we've entered into because our marriage is failing; in fact, we've been much happier knowing that dating others is an option. As each new situation and conflict arises, we try to talk about it and make rules and amend those rules if necessary. But some things have come up and I feel the need to talk to people with poly experience about what's going on, and I don't have any poly friends in real life that I feel comfortable talking to about this.

See you around the forums,

navigating mid-life

Hi. For the usual reasons I'm not able to share my real name. Feel free to call me Landlover or anything else that seems to fit.

I'm in my mid 40s and live in a small college town with my wife of 20 years and our two teenagers and other animals. In recent months, my wife (I'll call her E) has identified increasingly with polyamory, and I'm trying to understand where this might take us. It think it is important to mention here that I've always had a stronger sex drive than E has. And, there have been phases of our marriage when my sex drive and E's sometimes-diminished health made the idea of outside-of-marriage activities like swinging seem (at least to me) appealing. But, we never actually engaged in those activities.

Ever since she was in high school, E has wondered why it shouldn't be possible to have deep feelings for more than one person. Despite the aforementioned issues regarding sex and extra-marital flings, however, I hadn't truly recognized this in her. This past summer, after a fairly difficult period in our lives (although not necessarily because of it), E developed a close online relationship with man I will call M. It wasn't at all an affair that developed behind my back. But, it did become intense in a short period of time, and while on an intellectual level I wanted badly to be supportive, on an emotional level it was a definite strain. Scratch that: I felt really, really vulnerable.

Things between E and M have scaled back a bit, yet they stay in touch and remain friends. The change was due at least in part to M's wife, who originally was on board but then asked M to reconsider when the intensity of the bond became clearer to her. No doubt I, too, influenced the relationship by showing E my emotional discomfort. Fortunately--and I do mean fortunately, because E's happiness is incredibly important to me--I am becoming more and more comfortable as time goes by.

Since December, E and I have been in couples counseling to work on some of the disfunctional things that have cropped up in our marriage and to address the issue of outside relationships. We are righting past wrongs and spending time reading and talking about polyamory. I'm (re)learning that there is no point in me telling her she shouldn't have a certain person as a friend or as a certain type of friend. On the other hand, we both need to be completely honest with each other. For that reason I've mentioned to E that if we do make polyamory part of our lives together, I'm likely to be more comfortable with the arrangement if I don't feel threatened as 'primary.' She dislikes the primary label, since by definition it implies inferior status for everyone else. My response is that I'd rather she not get hung up on a word; the idea is what is important.

That said, I suspect I might attach less significance to being primary if we _both_ had objects of affection outside the marriage. A part of me is jealous of E for having one while I do not. I'm certainly open to the possibility--if it can happen in a way that enhances rather than detracts from what E and I have. But I have doubts I could successfully explain the workings of my marriage without scaring most sane women away.

I'm gathering that there are people in this forum who can offer advice and/or perspective on all these issues. I look forward to 'meeting' you and learning from you.

I'll close this post by mentioning that I don't know if E will join me in posting in the forum. We've both been active posters in a somewhat related forum on a different site, so it is a possibility.


New member
Ancient History

Hi all, I'm 30, mostly straight, living in Winnipeg, Canada. I was raised in a deeply Christian home and tried my best to live as an obedient child of God. When I was 22, I got married to a girl who was funny, very intelligent, and really 'got me' in a way that others didn't. I wasn't physically attracted to her, but I was convinced (thank you, political correctness movement!) that looks didn't matter and it was only what's on the inside that counted. I suppose I also had self-esteem issues and didn't think that attractive girls found me attractive.

Well about 9 months later a couple attractive girls found me attractive, and suddenly there were problems, or rather, the problems that weren't problems before, suddenly became problems, and I left. I won't go into detail about that except to say that I know now that what I want matters. I think I was raised with a lot of pressure to keep everyone else happy at the expense of my own happiness. I still end up in situations where I feel I'm giving too much of myself. I think I also sometimes overcompensate for that and do what I want without consideration for others. I'm still trying to learn the right balance.

The next 6 years were full of fun, short but sweet NRE dominated relationships, (partly due to a lot of moving around the country on my part) all mono, except for the odd time that they might overlap without anyone knowing.

Recent History

Two years ago I decided that it was time I found a good gal to settle down with, and after a few exhausting months of about 30 first dates, met S, a beautiful 28 year old virgin with an eating disorder and a heart of gold. My parents even liked her. We dated for almost a year before I got bored, or she got too clingy... whatever you want to call it. I told her I wanted to sleep with other women. So we split up, and each started meeting new people, and sometimes got back together for a night or two. Around this time I started thinking that polyamory was the only way I would be able to stay with a partner and be satisfied.

Soon I met H: 20, blonde, beautiful, cold and quiet, the kind of girl you just assume is a total bitch. She wasn't, but she liked that people thought she was. I started seeing her almost every night. We both claimed that our relationship was only casual, but it was obvious that there was a little more to it than that.

I would still see S once in a while, telling myself that technically me and H were only casual so it was ok, but didn't tell H, because I thought it would upset her. Eventually I did tell H, who was annoyed at my selective openness, but assured me that we had agreed our relationship was only casual, and that she had already suspected S had been over... (S had left a hair tie on my windowsill one day. I actually noticed it after H had already been over the next night, but decided to leave it, figuring that moving it would be more suspicious.)

So, feeling a little sheepish, but with nothing left to hide, I started seeing S more regularly, and soon I had two casual girlfriends, who I would spend alternate nights with. I have to admit, I was quite proud of myself. But neither of them was happy about sharing. This was frustrating for me. They were both smart, funny, beautiful girls and I thought for sure they would get along if they met, and I hoped that I could help them to appreciate the other's presence in my life.

One night, I got my chance. They met, they got along, and I spent the night as an elated middle spoon in a very warm bed! Nothing sexual happened, just kissing, but it appeared that things might progress. Unfortunately...

I wish I'd known then how important communication is in a situation like this. Both had preconceived notions about what was going to happen that night. The girls had a private discussion that I wasn't privy too and made a deal that I didn't know about, then I managed to sabotage their deal and S ended up crying on the phone to me later the next day. I panicked, thinking my only option was to choose one of the two, and I chose S.

H was obviously pissed, because she really hadn't done anything wrong.

I told S I wanted to have an open relationship with her, and she reluctantly agreed to try it. Over the next couple months, I slept with one other girl, a couple times, but never told S about it. S broke it off anyways, saying she wanted a partner that would be monogamous.

I still sleep with S about once every week or two, and we still love each other, and sometimes we talk about buying a house and living in it as friends... who occasionally sleep together... every night... except when I have another girl over, and/or until she finds a guy she wants to date, at which point I would get cut off. I'm not sure I like that arrangement, it doesn't seem ideal for anyone, but I do love S and would love to convert her to polyamory if it's possible, so I'm not sure what we'll do there.

My Philosophy

As I said before, I started out as a Christian, going to church every Sunday, playing drums in the worship team, taking the Bible to be literal truth, losing my virginity at 20 and feeling a little guilty about it because I wasn't married to the girl yet. I remember the first time I had any thoughts that something might be wrong with how I was raised. I was in grade 6 and told my friends that God made everything in 6 days and that the Big Bang was a ridiculous theory, after which one told me about the background radiation (I was in the gifted class) that pointed to a Big Bang. I was confused and embarrassed, and was sure to ask my dad, a Baptist minister, about it when I got home... The unlearning continued slowly from there, but I was still going to church regularly until a few years after my divorce.

This past summer after a number of years on the agnostic fence, I placed one foot firmly in the atheist camp. If I had to guess as to what the truth about God and the Universe is, I would say that there is no God, that He/it was created by humans to give meaning and purpose to our lives. That we are the effect of some rational cosmic cause, as much as the formation of a star or the rotting of an apple. That life has no purpose beyond reproduction. That consciousness is one of the most incredible illusions that non-sentient matter has come up with. That there is no absolute morality.

You might call me nihilist, or humanist, ... I'm not sure what the right label would be, if there is one. I am in the process of determining my own morality at this point. I'm not bound by the rules of any culture or subculture anymore. It's wonderful to have this freedom. And it means I can be unapologetic about wanting to be polyamorous, or bisexual, or atheist. (thinking about my parents here, mostly.)

So anyway, that's where I am, where I come from, and who knows where I'm going. I've been on this forum for only a couple days but I'm loving it. So many good intelligent people in these forums. Thank you for sharing your time with me.


New member
Glad to be here!

I'm Saudade, 23/F/Boston, and though I'm pretty 'out' I'll keep my real name off the internet as a precaution.

Past: In retrospect, it's obvious I've been poly my entire life. My barbies all lived in a tribe, typically as nudists (though that might just have been because their clothes were frustrating to take on and off!). I've always been fascinated by the idea of 'utopia', and was always unbelievably pleased at the whiffs I'd catch of polyamorous ideals, whether it was the idea of a team of superheroes or the existence of the Oneida community. Meanwhile, my parents divorced when I was in elementary school, which complicated my ideas about real world relationships in more ways than I ought to write about here.

All this came together in a spectacular mess of high school and college relationships. In the former, I still had no idea that poly existed, but always found myself in emotional relationships that resembled traditional poly patterns for awhile, but subsequently exploded in conventional high school angst. I discovered that poly existed right as I was starting college (thanks, internet!)-- two years into a monogamous relationship with a highly jealous boyfriend. We spent the next three years making each other miserable (along with everyone around us), because neither of us functioned at all in the other's desired relationship format. This produced a lot of emotional damage on both sides.

Just before my senior year of college, I finally told him that it was never going to work and we needed to break it off. I then got together with K, a move I had been avoiding for a couple years out of respect for that boyfriend's feelings. K is poly, which he attributes to reading Heinlein in middle school. He read Stranger in a Strange Land as a bedtime story to me when we first started dating, and my life finally felt like it made sense, because I wasn't fighting with anyone just to be myself anymore.

Present: I have two life-partners, K and Z (both male). About the only time I think labels are useful is as a shorthand for explaining ourselves to each other; it's easy for me to say that they're both my primaries and we're in a V formation. As I mentioned above, K is a lifetime poly devotee. He and I have been dating for two and a half years, and will be marrying legally this coming fall. Z and I began as friends with benefits a year ago today(!), and he first heard of poly as a term from me, and shifted quickly and happily into being life partners. He and I are planning on having a wedding without legal benefits in a couple of years.

Edit on 3/21: Z just got an account on here as "twig". :D Be sure to say hi! K still doesn't have an account, and isn't likely to get one.

The three of us co-house with half a dozen other people in a giant townhouse in Boston. (Z was actually planning to move in with us before we started dating!) Right now I'm pursuing a few people as friends with benefits and feeling open to those relationships changing as they may. K is not actively seeking other relationships but would be pleased if they fell into his lap. Z is grappling with his feelings, as poly is still fairly new to him, and pursuing a poly chick who might be a good girlfriend for him and friend for us (though that's going far more rockily than I'd like).

Not sure how we managed it, but we're all fairly out. Of our parents and siblings, K's mother is the only one who may not know, and we're not actually sure about her! (My family has been wildly supportive, K's family has had mixed reactions, and Z's has been concerned/hostile.) All of our friends know, save some of K's and my friends from high school who we never see anymore. I've even told a bunch of my coworkers, though admittedly only the ones I felt certain I'd get a positive reaction from.

Edit on 2/22/10: My on-and-off girlfriend/dom is officially back in the picture romantically (we bounce between being friends and being more than friends a lot), and I'm thrilled. Though technically the label "secondary" would define us, we prefer going by "girlfriends from the waist up" these days! :eek:

Edit on 3/21/10: The world is actually way more complicated than that... My romantic life is at the point where I feel compelled to diagram it. :rolleyes:

The rest of my life: I teach preschool. I write fanfiction (Firefly, Star Trek, House, Utena-- private message me if you want a link, or just to chat) and cut socks up so I can sew them into terrifying stuffed animals. I flirt with BDSM, emphasis on the submission. I read Laurell K Hamilton's books and feel schadenfreude, which proves I need to grow emotionally! ;)
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New member
Hello, we are Emma (25, F) and Jo (28, M), a committed monogamous couple who've been together for a little over a year who are interested in polyamory.

We live in SE Virginia, and are interested in learning more about the poly lifestyle and practical logistics of it all. Our long term vision is to find another woman who we can add to our relationship as an equal committed partner.


New member
Hello, everyone!

Glad to be here- hope I'm doing this right!

10 years married, adore my husband.
5 years poly, give or take.
4 partner attempts.
2 disasters, 2 sucesses.
attempt #1 - disaster: I fell in love with her. 4 months later, she left.
attempt #2 - disaster: she fell in love with him. near catastrophe. 8 months of total hell. almost destroyed my marraige.
attempt #3 - success! he's lovely, and i visit frequently, though the sex has cooled to a calm, romantic friendship. (current partner)
attempt #4 -success! she's a lovely swinger who visits, we play, she goes home. new relationship. (current partner)
we are not open about our relationship at this time. neither one of us want the drama from church or family.

:::sigh::: this isn't the marraige I signed up for- but it's better than that one would have been- though much more complex. It's also WAY healthier than most of the marraiges I see- I wish there were some numbers on how many poly relationships are out there- because I don't think monogamy makes any sense whatsoever. I seriously think polyamory or some version of it might save the american marraige. I dunno - ever the optomist.

Best wishes, prolly :rolleyes:


New member
2010, March 8th.

Hi Everyone,
I'm a male and married to a wonderful woman 15 years. We were poly-open (non-practicing) from the wedding night onward. (We could have outside relationships - needed the OK of the other partner.) But neither of us seriously tried to connect to anyone during that time.

We both grew up with science fiction and that has made the idea of polyamory a lot easier for both of us. We know a lot of poly families thru the SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) and Science Fiction fandom as well as some 'normal' poly folks.

For a variety of reasons, it seems time to open up our marriage which is the most scary and exciting thing that has happened to us for a long time. We are dating for the first time in almost 20 years. Also dating as a couple is a bit different. :)

I'm thinking of writing a blog, but until I have something to report, not much point.

Warm regards, everyone. Rick


New member
Hello, I'm Don. Eugene, Oregon; 54 year old. I'm "dating" (silly word) a woman who's in a very stable and beautiful polyamorous marriage. I adore her, I like and admire her husband, and we have a strong relationship emotionally, intellectually, and physically. We could never live together -- our lifestyle needs are too different -- but we absolutely click as lovers.

I see her once a week, a boundary I respect (we talk on the phone almost nightly, however). That leaves me wanting companionship on the six days between our meetings, and so I'm finding out how to connect with women who are in parallel situations.

I'm not very interested in the casual-sex scene; emotional connections and meaningful relationships are what matter to me. At the same time, I love living alone and don't see myself wanting a monogamous marriage or live-in. So polyamory is a good fit for me psychologically and behaviorally.


New member
Hello, all, I'm Zanie. Although I'm a little more "out" than is probably a truly good idea, I think I'll keep my real name to myself for now.

I'm married (25 years this summer). We've been poly (mostly theoretically poly) for four years or so. In that time I have had two short-lived relationships (less than six months each) and my husband has had one, equally short. My last relationship ended two years ago when my friend moved halfway across the country and I realized I was not cut out for LDR's.

We've been in kind of a holding pattern ever since, working a lot on our own relationship, dealing with changing some old habits and dynamics. We have two kids (16 and 12) who take up a lot of our time and resources and it's hard to get out and meet people (or even have a regular old social life :eek: ).

I would like to "get out more"; it would be nice to date, or be able to have the kind of friend-to-lover connections that I envisioned when we started talking about this four years ago. My idea of the perfect intersection of poly and my life is an interconnected tribe of lovers and friends, social connections into friendship into romance and sex into tribe. All connected, all intertwined.... For various reasons I think it's unlikely that will ever happen, but it's a nice dream.

I wandered over here from Polyamorous Percolations, after following a link on some else's profile. I used to write a column over on the Percolator, in the beginning of our poly explorations, but that was a long time ago.

I may not post much, I tend to lurk a lot. I have a feeling that I don't come across the same online as I do in real life and that makes me cautious about being too forward. But if it seems I have something useful to contribute I probably will.

Anyway, hi... :)


Well…..I am 52 and have never been married. I lived a polyamorous lifestyle from the age of 21 to 30 which included being emotionally and sexually involved with men and women. Then, I was in a 12 year monogamous relationship with a woman and it was the longest committed, exclusive relationship I have ever been in. It was emotionally healthy since we were both in recovery and were able to practice great honesty. My years of therapy and honesty with self resulted in my eventually leaving the relationship 10 years ago in order to pursue a heterosexual lifestyle.

I have had 7 monogamous relationships with men in the 10 years since then. One of them has passed away. I have no communication with one of them. I have a platonic friendship with one of them. And the other 4 of them are now my lovers. Two of them are not seeing anyone else at this time, but they have the freedom to do so and they will share with me and probably want to introduce me to a person they have met and are considering becoming involved with. One of them has another lover and I will eventually meet her if their relationship develops. The other one has a primary lover and I am his secondary lover. I am pretty close to his primary lover and we have a good relationship too. I also have a female lover and she is someone I also respect and trust. We have an emotional connection. We have not been alone together sexually yet, but have had an intimate evening which became sexual and we were with a guy friend that I introduced her to.

The process has evolved for me and since May 09, I have experienced an incredible amount of what I experience as unconditional love. I am in awe of how it feels since this type of unconditional love has eluded me as long as I pursued monogamous relationships. My lovers are basking in it. It is a tangible and powerful force which flows through me to them and it's about loving them, each of them in a unique way, and accepting them completely for exactly who they are without any desire to change them, judge them or hold out expectations of them which they cannot meet. I have a great amount of respect for each of them and I trust each of them completely. The open channel of love from me to them has allowed them to respond to me with incredible love and it's a love that I have also never experienced before.

I don't know where things are going for me. But, this I do know- all of my lovers know each other and they all like each other. My relationships are based on respect, trust and honesty. Many of my friends who are not living a life of polyamory are quite taken with the idea of it and have been very supportive of me. The thing that is so compelling about it is the honesty.