Pet peeve: "sleeping together"

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Gah, this term for sex annoys me so much. The sexual revolution happened in the late 1960s and people still say this?

I guess I find it so odd because, at least for me, sex is the opposite of sleeping.

Mommy, what are those 2 people doing on that bed? On the kitchen counter, in the garden shed?

Sleeping, dear, they are fast asleep.


Come on!

I don't even sleep with most of my lovers... I stopped sleeping with my ex h 5 years before we separated. We still fucked! Just rarely slept together.

I sleep with miss pixi but we usually have sex on the couch in the family room.:p I liked sleeping with Ginger, but that ended after one of his sicknesses caused reflux and he needed a slant bed. We kept fucking though!

There are so many words for sex. If you don't want to say fucking, say, have sex, we "did it," we shagged, we did the deed, we got busy, we had adult playtime, heck, you can even say coitus or intercourse. But I just find sleeping together to be as outmoded as the euphemisms in the Bible. The Bible writers called a penis a "foot" and balls the "thigh." They called the vagina the "navel." They said "went in unto" or "knew" for sex. Can't we do better than that in this day and age?

Oddly for me, sleeping with someone is even more intimate than fucking them. With fucking, you're all aroused, your lover looks beautiful because you're fucking and hormones are racing. Sleeping though, requires more trust and intimacy. After all, I don't invite someone to actually spend the night unless I trust them not to run off in the night after raiding my jewellery box. Then there's the snoring, the getting up to pee, the morning breath, the stubble, the messy hair, the bleary eyes and grumpiness before coffee... I save those things for people I trust that I know really really like me!
 

puzzles

New member
LOL! Where did that come from?!?;)

But I totally agree, now that you brought it up. The term is rather silly. And yes, actually sleeping with someone else in your bed requires trust and is on another level of intimacy. I fuck many, but allow next to no one to spend the night in my bed.
 

LovingRadiance

Active member
I am cracking up laughing-but I totally agree!!
I am currently sleeping with someone I'm no longer fucking and I'm fucking someone I almost never get the opportunity to sleep with.

I am imagining telling my grandkids "oh they are sleeping" and then a few hours later telling them it's time to go to sleep. DEAR GOD! LMAO!
 

A2Poly

New member
It drives me bonkers, too- but I especially hate it when people say "play" when they mean fuck or have sex.

I always thought that meant BDSM, not just 'vanilla' sex... But actually that may make the childlikeness of 'play' even worse....

ETA: trip planning by text message with Mal just now and I asked him about activities he wanted to do since we are meeting in a city we are rarely in. He said he wanted to do this and that and 'nap'. In quotes. Like that. Which means sex. I almost snorted soda our my nose thinking about this conversation. And then had to explain myself, lol.
 
Last edited:

YouAreHere

Well-known member
And Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.

The dirty perv. Who DOES that?!
:p
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
That's funny, A2Poly.

I don't mind the term "play," I acknowledge adults need playtime too, and they don't call 'em sex toys for nothing. I once had a young casual lover, and he wasn't a FWB, fuckbuddy sounded too demeaning, but playpartner fit him very well.
 

opalescent

Active member
Polyfuckery sucks

I have to admit that 'sleeping together' or 'play' have never bothered me. I assume play has some sort of a BDSM component. I suppose it doesn't have to but I have rarely heard vanila folks use it.

The word that tweaks my last nerve is 'polyfuckery'. While not inherently negative, I find it is often used to denigrate folks who want to have lots of sex, sometimes casually, sometimes just lots of partners. While there are definitely people who use poly as an unhealthy way to have lots of sex, I find it such a sex-negative, judgmental word, as it's typically used. It seems to me to be used in such a way that it implies that people who like casual sex, lots of partners, etc., are not as evolved or good as people who have only loving sexual relationships. It's just another way to condemn casual sex. And I find that maddening.
 

KC43

New member
I don't have a problem with the euphemism "sleeping together"... though in light of this thread, I found myself censoring my post in the "compulsory compersion" thread to eliminate my use of the term. For me, I've heard "sleeping together" used to mean sex for so long that it's almost automatic for me to use it... I even use it occasionally in some of my erotic romances, especially if one of the main characters is talking to a friend or something.

Likewise, I don't have a problem with "play"; to me, it's the level of connection, commitment, and fun involved. Mostly fun, I guess; I'm more likely to say I "play" with Hubby than with S2, for example, because Hubby and I try different things, explore, and our sex life runs the gamut from blander-than-vanilla to Dom/sub depending on our moods, whereas with S2, things are pretty much vanilla-repetitive. But I don't have an issue with "play" used to describe BDSM, or casual sex, or things like that either.
 

thirteenth

New member
"Sleeping together" doesn't bother me, although I can understand why it would be irksome. The one that bugs me is "sexy-time." Ugh, it grates on my nerves so badly. It's so juvenile. (Strangely, "play" doesn't sound juvenile to me, although it's pretty ambiguous.) Plus it reminds me of Borat, which is the opposite of sexy to me.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
At least sexy-time and play are accurate words though! Sleeping together is just stupid. Sorry to those of you that use the term, I don't think YOU are stupid, just "used to it" as you said.

It's so sex negative, in my mind. I can just imagine a bunch of ladies in the 1950s gossiping in hushed tones about someone they know who is cheating, whispering about how they are "sleeping with" someone!

Grow up. It's sex. I am really appalled at how embarrassed people still are to even talk about sex frankly. With all the nearly naked women in regular media, and all the porn a click away on the internet, even penises on cable (not that I watch Game of Thrones, but so I have heard), why this shame? I see shame and embarrassment in the term "sleeping with."
 

FallenAngelina

Well-known member
I find "play" to be very, very annoying - and yes, it's used beyond BDSM now. I hear it quite a bit as a new euphamism for "sex." The only word that annoys me more than "play" is "host." Gah! "Host" just strips all of the fun out of being together on a date.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Host? Meaning to fuck?? What the heck?

"Hey baby, you wanna host?" Or does it mean, come to my place and I am your host? Please explain.
 

KC43

New member
I've only seen "host" used the second way. "I can't bring anyone to my house; can you host if we get together?"

Not as a synonym for "fuck", but just as a "hey, where are we going to get together?"

I don't have a problem with that usage of host, but I wouldn't be too keen on using it to mean "fuck."
 

FullofLove1052

New member
Interesting topic.

I am a prude and rather uptight, so I am not keen on the awful euphemisms for private moments. I rarely engage in sexual discussions with anyone, and if I do engage, it is always carefully worded and palatable for all audiences. Meaning, if I am in the presence of my religious in-laws or my parents, there are things that will never be said. Then again, most of those terms would not cross my lips in an informal setting either. I suppose I am just not fond of crude terminology. I am more inclined to believe it is a cultural thing and remembering what is and is not socially acceptable in my world.

Did "it" makes me think telly shows and movies where a character was having a conversation with a girlfriend and told the girlfriend that she and her boyfriend had done IT for the first time. Got "busy" screams of the 90s (read: Fresh Prince of Bel-Air). Having sex is entirely too casual and informal to use in my life. Sexy-time and sex-share rub me the wrong way.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
Hehe FoL, you sound like the Dowager Duchess of Downton Abbey. ;)
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
I'm no prude. I am one of the least prudish people I know, pretty uninhibited. But sure, I have manners. I think manners and social graces are important. I don't tell my old aunt that I live with madi and we are "fucking." I just avoid the subject of sex or romance and tell my aunt madi is my "girlfriend" and let her decide if that means romantic partner or just a good friend.

I mean here, amongst adults, other sexual polyamorous adults, or with my close friends, I do not say "sleeping together." I do counsel new mothers in my line of work, who are breastfeeding, and we do often cover the topic of sex after a new baby comes, etc. I don't beat around the bush, I call it "having sex." I don't say "when you and your partner have intimate relations..." no, because intimacy does not imply sex to me, or vice versa.
 

FallenAngelina

Well-known member
Host? Meaning to fuck?? What the heck?

"Hey baby, you wanna host?" Or does it mean, come to my place and I am your host? Please explain.
"Host" as in "Do you host?" (have people to your place)
I dunno, it's just kind of sex-less sounding to me, like we're organizing a Bridge night.

"Sex-share" makes me laugh. So does "share sexual space."
 

nycindie

Active member
Yeah, when people say things like "I can host," without any qualifiers, instead of "I can have you over if that is more convenient," or simply "we can meet at my place," it just makes me think of all the sleazy ads on Craigslist: "Looking for Female for tonight, we can host." Gah, so ugly.

The thing I dislike about the word "play" used for sex is that I think it originally was used for BDSM activities - but then a lot of people who are used to saying it in kink circles, where it is part of their lingo, come to a wider audience where there are non-kinksters (like here), and use it without qualifying or explaining what activity they mean exactly, expecting everyone to know what it is, and I feel like I am expected to adopt kink terminology instead of using more common terms with proper English meanings. I am very playful in my sex life, but I will never call a lover of mine a play-partner! It makes me picture us sitting on a bed playing checkers or something. I guess it also bugs me because I don't see poly as a kink, and maybe I feel like kinksters who come here and use kink terms are trying to say that's what poly is. I dunno.

As I wrote that, I recall we have a thread here on the word vanilla, and another thread (or maybe the same one) on made up words like compersion and the really stupid ones like... what was it... frubbly? wibbles? Something like those, can't remember.

As for fake, made-up non-words, don't even get me started on polyship and monoship - they are nearly barf-inducing to me!
 
Last edited:

YouAreHere

Well-known member
I hate frubbly and wibbles. They sound like stuffed animal names and (to me) just serve to make the emotions themselves sound juvenile.

Then again, I don't use pet names like "snookie wookie ookums" except in exaggeration/silliness, either, so I'm just not a fan of cutesy terms to begin with.

Boy, who put that stick up MY ass? :p
 
Top