Please tell me things will get better. I need to hear it.

vanquish

New member
Wow. It's August 2016. I haven't been back in forever. I came back because my journey with Audrey seems over. We broke up last week and I'm devastated. That's not even the word. Decimated.

I should probably go back a bit before this to explain how it happened.

Audrey and I started dating not so long after my divorce. I'd already dated someone else before her, so it wasn't a total rebound.

She was 19 (23 now) and I was 41 (44 now). She had no clue what she wanted to do with her life and was living with her parents. She hadn't finished high school for medical reasons.

I've written a blog in the life stories section, but we've forged what I thought was an amazing relationship over the last three years. Now it's over and I'm more crushed by this than by my divorce from my ex-wife of 14 years.

What happened? Sometime in 2015 Audrey began talking to a guy from some dating app...Tinder, OKCupid, something...whose name is Anthony. Young guy. Not really doing much with his life. Has a bunch of anxiety and depression issues similar to her. I didn't realize how deep they had gotten for awhile. It's been so long, you'll have to forgive me, I'm going on memory. I have a vague memory of seeing something she wrote to him by accident that was romantic and being super surprised.

Anywho, in January of 2016, he saved up the money to come see her. Remember, she's still living with me and things are fine. I remember being both excited and scared for her about the whole thing. I drove her to the motel he stayed at downtown. Fleabag place but that doesn't matter when you're in love I guess. This is going to make me sound like a dick, but halfway through the visit, I decide that I can't take it. She comes back to get some clothes, I tell her look. I'm sorry, but this is how I feel. I can't be polyamorous any more. I can't face losing you.

Well she goes in to full convulsion mode and I tried to calm her down. There was some bargaining, but ultimately I stood firm and said I knew what I needed for me...but would respect her for whatever she needed to do. She chose me. We said we'd try it for a year and see how it went being monogamous. About 2 or 3 months passed.

Of course I had to fuck it up. The political season was upon us and I started making a lot of political Facebook posts. This attracted someone that I'd been watching for awhile, but wasn't sure if she liked me. Turns out she did. Really cute, professionally accomplished, fun to hang out with. Although very intense. I liked that because people have accused me of the same thing and it just means I'm engaged and interested. She knew I was dating Audrey, but I had to explain polyamory to her. She wasn't completely sold, but I explained that she couldn't expect me to be exclusive just from one date. That convinced her...so she invited me up to a charity poker game where we had a lot of fun. It was a work thing for her, but also benefited a charity that she's worked hard to support for a long time - suicide prevention. I'll name her Rachel.

That date was amazing. We went out to eat afterwards at a cool little dive bar where a party behind us thought we'd just gotten married because of how we were dressed. She lives about 2 hours away, so she invited me to stay the night. She initiated sex and it was delicious. I stayed the weekend and then headed home. Over the period of a month I went up to see her 3 more times and we had a blast. The topic of polyamory came up more than once. Rachel told me that she was having schoolgirl fantasies (her words) about us...and really enjoying our time together. But if someone came along who was willing to devote 100% of themselves to her...then she'd be out. I can respect that. Of course I can respect that. That's how I felt with Audrey before I backtracked.

Well of course with someone as wonderful as Rachel, someone did come along. But not before Rachel and I had a long talk where she talked to me about how Audrey wasn't good for me. No, it wasn't like it sounds. She was going over with me what was destructive in my life and what was working and how Audrey fit into that. She did ask me to leave Audrey for her. I couldn't do it. I loved Audrey too much. I discussed all this after the fact with Audrey and things settled back in as they were before Rachel. I told Audrey that if things didn't work with Rachel that I'd want to go back to monogamy. This is a big part of the story.

Now that things were over with Rachel, here's where things started to take a bad turn with Audrey and me. As we were poly again, she started back up with Anthony. She never told me she had, nor did I have any hints or indications. I thought we were back to being monogamous. About 2 months later, Audrey was getting hit on by a friend she'd known for a long time that happened to be our server at a restaurant one day. When we got home she talked about how she'd like to hang out with him as a friend, but she knew he'd want sex...and she didn't want that. I encouraged her to hang out, because she wanted more friends, but to make the boundaries clear. She decided not to do that, which was fine. But it led to another discussion - she let me know that she thought we were still poly. I was crushed.

Now let me just say. It's not about who was right. I'd said we'd go back to monogamy, but I didn't check in with her about it. She just went back to being poly...and never discussed it.

And here we have the fuck up: I told her that I wanted us to be monogamous again. Things had been great between us. Sex was great. Times had been hard...we've had no working water for 4 months and no gas stove for 3. Very low on funds for going out and having fun, but we've made do and enjoyed being together with our pets. Well once I told her that I wanted to be monogamous again...she started having an anxiety attack. I comforted her for 20 minutes, but I had to go see a client about some money and couldn't stay. Like so many times before, I told her to have her mother or sister come over to calm her down, since I couldn't stay. Remember, the end of our first date ever...ended with her having anxiety about me leaving and I was the best thing to calm her down throughout our relationship.

When I came back from my meeting she was out with her Mom and sister...and seemed ok. She stayed out with them for three or four hours and when she came back....BAM! She dumped me completely.

Done. Over. She had boxes and already had her mom and sister getting her stuff from our...well now my...house. She told me that she knew it would be hard, but she had to do it for independence. And because she felt like she was losing sense of self in the relationship. Our first talk at that time was for about 5 minutes tops. Which left me even more devastated.

This person that I have devoted my life to...decides in an instant that we can only be friends...and even that will take some time. WHAT??? I've supported you not just financially...but emotionally and intellectually too! Can't we even work on the relationship? How is moving back in with your parents MORE independent? I've been trying to get you to get a job and to study for your GED...and now, somehow, doing those away from your adult partner...is constricting? I just don't get it. Can someone PLEASE explain it to me?

I'm utterly devastated. We've shared so much and done so many things in this 3 years of being together. My love for her has made me make a lot of choices in those three years that weren't the best for me...but that contributed to the relationship....now all that sacrifice...wasted. All that history wasted. Like it was worth nothing. All I do now is sit around and watch television...watch porn...and go through the motions. I have nobody to lean on. All family dead. No friends. I'm working to get my law license back. And I have to take care of all these pets we got together that continue to remind me of her. I love them dearly and would be even more alone without them, but it's work. And she's wanting visitation with them. She can't keep them because her parents rent a house with a no pets policy. Ugh. She's said that we can be friends and that she wants to help me through this. Also that there are still romantic feelings, but she doesn't feel like the relationship is right for her. I just don't get it. I'm encouraging her to be whomever she wants to be. I'm giving her no restrictions and am willing to go back to being poly. Hell, she can even live with her parents and we can just casually date. But she's said no to that too. I can't wrap my head around it.

So here I am. No money to go out and get out of my funk. No motivation to do anything. Utterly love lorn. And considering some unhealthy things (directed towards myself).

What a wonderful life I have.
 

Emm

Stealth Mod
Holy double standard, Batman! You're poly when you want a second partner, but as soon as she gets one you're mono again, until you get another nibble, then you're poly without discussing it with her but she has to stay mono because she hasn't discussed it with you, and when she does discuss it with you you're mono again.

She doesn't feel like the relationship is right for her because it's not.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hi vanquish,

Sorry to hear that things didn't work out with Audrey. I'm sure it will get easier in time, but not quickly and it will always sting.

I think the mono-poly-mono-poly back-and-forth is probably what precipitated the breakup. FWIW.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 

nycindie

Active member
You weren't totally devoted to Audrey; you just wanted to own her. You told her you wanted monogamy and then went out and dated/fucked Rachel. As soon as Audrey showed any independence and started making choices for herself, you tried to manipulate her into staying under your control. I am certain you would've gone out and fucked someone else shortly after the next time you told her you wanted monogamy. Who did you think you were kidding?

You've got some weird, exalted view of yourself. Thankfully, she saw through your crap and moved on. Now it's time for you to take a good long hard look at yourself, without the pity party, and examine how your behavior effects the people you care about. You created all of this drama and pain and now here's your wake-up call. I hope you do some growing up, like Audrey clearly has. That would be the only way that "things will get better."
 
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WARNING! Abusive post...

... but if the moderators will read the OP carefully, I think that you'll agree that - for once - the abuse is justified. NEVER has a polyamory.com post made me as angry as this one.

vanquish, you want my honest opinion?

She's well rid of you.

Unless you're leaving out a LOT of detail, you've acted disgracefully. You think that because you're 44 and she's 23, that you're the maturer of the 2 and that she needs you?

For someone who once had a law practice, you show a poor grasp of weighing evidence. (Makes me wonder why it was revoked.)

Does that sound harsh? Look at the evidence, man... and GROW UP!

a) You're in an allegedly polyamorous relationship... until you get upset with her emotional bond with Anthony. Polyamory doesn't mean "letting my girlfriend fuck other men". It means respecting the other's right to form close emotional relationships. There are polyamorous relationships where no sex is involved... but love is. If you can't deal with Audrey's emotional involvement with Anthony, you're NOT polyamorous: you're a failed swinger.

b) So, being upset, you ask her to put aside the polyamory and begin a monogamous phase in your lives. A request that - against her will, but because she cares for you - she agrees to. As far as I can see, a bad call on her part, but showing a HELLUVA lot more maturity and commitment than you are doing.

c) ... Until you get interested in another woman and start dating her. This is where you leave out some VERY important evidence. Did you tell Audrey: "Hey, Honey, we're back to polyamory after all!"? Meaning that you selfishly want everything your own way and whenever you want.

d) Or did you keep that little secret for yourself? (Which - judging by your general tone - is what I'd bet on.) In that case, you selfishly want everything your own way and whenever you want AND you're a cheat to boot. (And I do wish that somebody would boot you.)

e) "[Rachel] knew I was dating Audrey". This cracks me up. For FUCK's sake, Man, get your terms straight! You aren't "dating" somebody with whom you're LIVING!!!

f) "I told Audrey that if things didn't work with Rachel that I'd want to go back to monogamy." Great! "Well, Honey, my little fling didn't work, out so it's back in the cage for you."

g) "she let me know that she thought we were still poly. I was crushed." Did it ever occur to you that she was crushed when you blackmailed her into giving up Anthony? Surely it must have because "Well she goes in to full convulsion mode and I tried to calm her down."

h) "This person that I have devoted my life to..." HA!!! The only person that you have devoted your life to is yourself. Which is, in fact, what everybody should do... but not in such an unmitigatedly selfish manner as you have. You didn't "devote your life" to Audrey; you never made "all that sacrifice" for her: you kept her as just another of your pets, and she's finally slipped off the chain.

I am SO happy that she had her mother and sister there to help her escape!

"What a wonderful life I have."
Indeed!
 
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Dear moderators:

If you decide to delete my former comment, I will understand, but I'd appreciate a private message informing me of the fact.
 
You weren't totally devoted to Audrey; you just wanted to own her. [...] I hope you do some growing up, like Audrey clearly has. That would be the only way that "things will get better."
Couldn't agree more, nycindie. I was composing my comment while you were posting yours, so I didn't read yours until I'd posted mine.
 

FallenAngelina

Well-known member
The first thing that jumps out at me about this is not the poly-gone-wrong, but...

What's a 41 year old man doing with a high school girl who lives with her parents??? :confused:

Vanquish, things will only get better when you address why you lose yourself so completely in these young women.
 
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Dagferi

Well-known member
Good for Audrey..
 

RiverGoddess

New member
Woah.
How would it feel to you if your partner only wanted to be poly when they had someone they were interested in fucking? But the moment that their fuck-buddy disappeared, they demanded monogamy from you again?

You cannot only be poly when it suits you. This is an absolute double standard that I can only imagine would be very confusing and painful for her.

This is going to make me sound like a dick, but halfway through the visit, I decide that I can't take it. She comes back to get some clothes, I tell her look. I'm sorry, but this is how I feel. I can't be polyamorous any more. I can't face losing you.

So you freak out when she dates someone else, but you are allowed to date whomever you want, whenever you want? Instead of waiting until her date was finished and talking with her about how it was actually super hard for you, you had an emotional knee-jerk reaction and ruined her date.

She chose me. We said we'd try it for a year and see how it went being monogamous. About 2 or 3 months passed.

That was a super controlling power move you pulled. "She chose you", was actually not of her own free will... she was being controlled by your demands.

She knew I was dating Audrey, but I had to explain polyamory to her. She wasn't completely sold, but I explained that she couldn't expect me to be exclusive just from one date.

YOU WERE NOT IN A POLY RELATIONSHIP AT THIS POINT. You were in a monogamous relationship and chose to pursue a date and sex with someone else. You cheated on your girlfriend.

Audrey met someone she liked, a lot, and you shut it down to keep her for yourself. Then you just go out and present yourself as polyamorous to another woman? Sure, you told Rachel about Audrey before fucking her, but did you tell AUDREY about RACHEL before having sex outside of your relationship?? (It sure doesn't sound like it.)

she invited me to stay the night. She initiated sex and it was delicious. I stayed the weekend and then headed home. Over the period of a month I went up to see her 3 more times and we had a blast.

You cheated on Audrey. Not just once, but four times. You take what you want when you want it, and don't care how it effects anybody else. You want monogamy from Audrey but are unwilling to offer that to her in return.

You have double standards and power/control issues.

Of course I can respect that. That's how I felt with Audrey before I backtracked.

Your standards entirely vary from moment to moment, depending on what best suits you. You display no integrity.

I discussed all this after the fact with Audrey and things settled back in as they were before Rachel. I told Audrey that if things didn't work with Rachel that I'd want to go back to monogamy.

AFTER THE FACT = Cheating
Things settled back to the way the were = Not likely. "YOU" settled back into monogamy because Rachel was gone. "YOU" settled back into your relationship.

You absolutely cannot simply open and close your relationship at your own whim, whenever someone you are into shows up, but expect monogamy from your partner. I am totally flabbergasted that you would think this was okay.

As we were poly again, she started back up with Anthony. She never told me she had, nor did I have any hints or indications. I thought we were back to being monogamous.

You literally just said "As we were poly again/ I thought were were monogamous"

OF COURSE she would go back to seeing Anthony. She only quit seeing him because you demanded monogamy. If you open up your relationship and go sleep with other women, OF COURSE she would try to rekindle a connection with this person whom she never really wanted to break up with in the first place.

But it led to another discussion - she let me know that she thought we were still poly. I was crushed.

You are crushed by her wanting poly, but you are sleeping with whomever you want...

I'd said we'd go back to monogamy, but I didn't check in with her about it. She just went back to being poly...and never discussed it.

You cheated on her, so she assumed the relationship was open again. You assumed it wasn't (just that you got to have some fun). You just "went back to monogamy" without discussion. This is seriously DYSFUNCTIONAL.

Well once I told her that I wanted to be monogamous again...she started having an anxiety attack.

Of course she did. That poor girl. You were suffocating her, controlling her. You were jerking her around. You wanted to be poly and you wanted her to be monogamous. You wanted to have your cake and eat it too - to have Audrey be utterly devoted to you and only you - while you get to sleep with whomever you choose whenever you choose (and only tell her about it afterwards.)

Dude.
The ONLY part of this WHOLE thing that I actually see as Polyamory, is when AUDREY met Anthony and was honest about the upcoming date with him. (Since you drove her to the hotel, that demonstrates she had your blessing). So, she was acting ethically. She was acting within the boundaries of your relationship. When you demanded different boundaries, she conformed to those, too. You, at NO POINT, behaved acceptably or with integrity. You wanted something that you could not offer in return. Monogamy OR polyamory, you are too insecure and emotionally impulsive to be able to offer her a healthy relationship.

Let her go, man. She deserves better.

I think it would be wise to take a break from relationships for a while and do some personal work. Get yourself in order mentally, emotionally, financially - all ways. Read some relationship books. Consider what you want out of your next relationship - monogamy OR polyamory, and why.

It takes absolute commitment, love, trust, communication, integrity, patience, and personal reflection from BOTH PARTIES to navigate moving between mono and poly relationship styles. Even the most emotionally intelligent, considerate and patient couples experience bumps during a mono-poly or poly-mono transition. This is absolutely NOT something you can just flit in and out of at your leisure.
 
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BlueShoes

New member
Yeah, after your incredibly controlling behavior, your extremely young girlfriend wisely fled to nearest higher ground - where the taps and the stove presumably function.

You say that the young guy that Audrey was interested in wasn't really doing much with his life. What are YOU doing with your life? Because what I see here is financial recklessness, sexual impulsiveness, and wallowing in self-pity. Cut it the hell out.

Your life is a mess, dude. You need to stop dating and get yourself figured the hell out. What happened to your law license now? What are you doing for work/money?
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
I am sorry you struggle.

So here I am. No money to go out and get out of my funk. No motivation to do anything. Utterly love lorn. And considering some unhealthy things (directed towards myself).

Please seek help. If you are thinking about doing self harm, please call a hotline and/or check into nearest hospital ASAP. Here is one hotline:

http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
Call 1-800-273-8255


FWIW? What I have observed about relationships with big 20 year age gaps like that is that they usually do not work long haul.

The people are in different stages of life and likely want different things. Initially the younger person is flattered by all the attention of the older person. The older person enjoys "showing the world" to the younger person. It's an ego boost. But eventually the younger person gets older and begins to outgrow this kind of dynamic and prefers to date people more their own age.

There seems to be some of that going on here.

I am not sure why you didn't end it with Audrey and date Rachel instead. Rachel seemed more compatible in personality and seemed more age appropriate. You seemed to have a good time with Rachel.

When you are no longer thinking of self harm, you might want to examine why you are/were attracted to Audrey rather than age appropriate partners. Is it because of her inexperience? And being her "teacher" and "provider" made you feel good? Bolstered self esteem somehow?

As far as the break up? Dating partners are in each in charge of what they choose to participate in and consent to. You can choose if you want to be there or not. Audrey can choose what she wants for herself too. She chose ending the relationship. She didn't want to be there any more.

There seem to be good reasons for ending it.

  • There was this weird mono/poly thing that sounds like it included some cheating. Is it that you wanted it to be Open for you, but Closed for her?
  • You have a habit of dropping bombs on her and then bailing, leaving her to process alone or with her relatives. That's not adult relating to me. Maybe also not to her.
  • You were doing too much and made her the center of your world to the point of you doing self neglect.
    • She was losing sense of self in the relationship like that
    • She wanted her independence so she could be free from all that

Well once I told her that I wanted to be monogamous again...she started having an anxiety attack. I comforted her for 20 minutes, but I had to go see a client about some money and couldn't stay. Like so many times before, I told her to have her mother or sister come over to calm her down, since I couldn't stay.

Why do you drop bombs like that? If you are going to have serious relationship talks, you could ask to schedule time to deal with the talk and processing. And hour or whatever is needed. Not just be like "Oh, by the way...", drop a bomb, then leave her to deal with the emotional fall out. This is not kind behavior.

I've supported you not just financially...but emotionally and intellectually too

My love for her has made me make a lot of choices in those three years that weren't the best for me...but that contributed to the relationship....now all that sacrifice...wasted.

have nobody to lean on. All family dead. No friends. I'm working to get my law license back.

While all that might seem flattering to a young person at first, an older, more experienced person might recognize it as just not healthy. An almost desperate "Please don't leave me! Look at how essential I am in your life!" sounding thing. Not attractive or healthy.

It sounds like Audrey realized it is not healthy now that she's not a teenager.

  • A healthy partner would NOT want you to neglect yourself or throw yourself under the bus and make bad choices "to be with them." Especially if they don't even ask you to do that self harming behavior. You might frame it as "proving how much you like them" but it sounds like you not liking yourself much an using over investment in them as a distraction from working on that.
  • A healthy partner would not want you to cultivate isolation and not maintain a social network outside of them.
  • A healthy partner would not want you to make them be "your everything" -- that is quite a burden and quite suffocating. Too much enmeshment/lack of boundaries.

If you over did things, that was YOUR choice. You cannot be maintaining this victim attitude of "I chose to over invest all this stuff, and now my choice to stretch myself thin/hurt myself is not appreciated!" if you want to get better. What healthy person would appreciate that behavior? :(

Again... Please seek professional help.

If the pets are a burden/work to you, please place them in homes and use the pet money to help you get counseling. Ask her to take the pets and place them if you cannot. Don't be using the pets and her desire for visitation of the pets to keep her in your orbit. Cut the cord.

I'm encouraging her to be whomever she wants to be. I'm giving her no restrictions and am willing to go back to being poly. Hell, she can even live with her parents and we can just casually date. But she's said no to that too. I can't wrap my head around it.

This is "bargaining stage" to the stages of grief. You don't want it to be over, so you are clutching at straws to keep it going. You are not at final acceptance yet.

What do you encourage YOU to be?

I think it would be best to observe a clean break, thank her for the relationship and tell her it is best to part ways and then devote yourself to seeking professional help with the goal of being able to stand on your own two feet before you date again. Figure out what healthy dynamics are. Work on your law license.

Having your partners be "crutches" and making them be the center of your world and over doing it is just not a healthy way to date.

Galagirl
 
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Dagferi

Well-known member
Times had been hard...we've had no working water for 4 months and no gas stove for 3. Very low on funds for going out and having fun, but we've made do and enjoyed being together with our pets.*

This statement right here slipped past me the first time.

Wtf dude. Where I live no running water means a house is automatically condemned where I live. So you two were/are living in a home without basic amenities. You really need to focus on getting your life back on track. As a mother I would haul my child or of the house by her hair if I had to if I found our you had her living in a house without running water. Pets are also the last thing you need if your life is so far off into the ditch that your lifestyle is one step above homeless.
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
I have to agree, getting your gas and water (especially water) restored should be your top priority at this time.
 

BlueShoes

New member
I've supported you not just financially...but emotionally and intellectually too!

But the gas and water were both cut off. The two of you have been living in staggering poverty. So cross "financial support" off the list for at least the last four months.

When you had upset Audrey, you referred her to her mother and sister. You say you did that a lot. So you weren't a great source of emotional support, you often passed that work on to other people.

Which leaves intellectual support. If she really needed you to prop her up, intellectually, I am even more concerned about your choices than I was at the beginning.
 
vanquish, you have a very high opinion of yourself and seem to believe that you have actually been helping this young woman. (Most older men / younger women relationship display this "paternal helper" aspect, ie that the older man THINKS that he's helping.) I honestly can't see where you get this high opinion of yourself.

I don't generally criticise other people's lack of education, but you used to be a lawyer and yet you have a very poor grasp of the meanings of words. And you insist on your meanings, which is something that must have influenced the dynamic of this whole mess.
I'm devastated. That's not even the word. Decimated.
Definition of devastate: 1. to lay waste; render desolate:
The invaders devastated the city.Synonyms: destroy, sack, despoil, raze, ruin, level.
2. to overwhelm.

Definition of decimate: 1. to destroy a great number or proportion of:
The population was decimated by a plague.
2. to select by lot and kill every tenth person of.
3. (Obsolete) to take a tenth of or from.

So, unless you're being both poetic AND obsolete (one tenth of you was taken?), "devastate" WAS, in fact, the better word (definition 2)
She knew I was dating Audrey, but I had to explain polyamory to her.
As I've pointed out in my earlier comment, you weren't "dating" Audrey: you were living with her.

And, frankly, I don't believe that you're in a position to explain polyamory to ANYONE. You need to learn what it means yourself. Or just admit the fact that it's not for you and stop pretending that you're polyamorous. Polyamory isn't something that you can turn on and off like a tap.

It's true that some polyamorous people make a decision to go monogamous for a period (or forever) and far be it from me to criticise their choices. But to decide unilaterally that you AND Audrey are monogamous when she's found another (Anthony) with whom she's happy, then decide that you (with or without Audrey?: you didn't actually make this clear to us [and, personally, I doubt that you made it clear to Audrey]) are polyamorous as soon as you get the hots for Rachel (but just as soon as it doesn't work out between you and her, we're all back to monogamy, folks!)... In NO way is that polyamory!

I just love this detail:
We said we'd try it for a year and see how it went being monogamous. About 2 or 3 months passed.
As I read it, you decided that a year was enough time for Anthony to be out of the picture (finds someone else himself, or Audrey's finally over him), but you couldn't handle being faithful for a whole year, so you jumped Rachel, to whom you spun this line about being a modern, open man, who believes in open and honest relationships with more than one partner blah blah blah.

It is really difficult for me to decide whether you actually convince yourself with all this baloney, or whether you're a born and natural lawyer who fervently believes that words are just a tool for manipulating other people.

The kindest person who has contributed to this thread is GalaGirl. She has a helluva lot more patience with you than I do. Please take her kind advice and seek help.
Of course I had to fuck it up.
Not true: you don't have to fuck it up. But you need to put some serious thought - and a lot of energy - into learning how to stop fucking it up.
Please tell me things will get better. I need to hear it.
Well, since you need to hear it: I have relatively high hopes that things will get better for Audrey. If you truly love her, this should make you a bit happier. She seems to have matured to the point of seeing your baloney for what it is. She'll be healthier without you, believe me. Might even stop having those "full convulsion modes" that you seem to spark off. Was this the medical reason that stopped her from finishing high school?

Disclaimer: I wish to distance myself from the opinion expressed by a few others on this thread that your first priority should be getting connected to running water and power. Poor people have just as much right to a shot at happiness as anyone else. Love flourishes in shanty towns and slums. No, your first priority should be to get connected to yourself. Give the poontang a vacation until you sort yourself out. In that case, there's hope for you, too.
What a wonderful life I have.
That's up to you, Man.
 

Magdlyn

Moderator
Staff member
I bet that "fleabag" hotel she met Anthony at had hot running water.
 

Emm

Stealth Mod
I know I started it, but it's time to tone it down a little in this thread.

I don't think the OP can be under any delusions about the acceptability of his behaviour after what's been said, so lets leave him to digest it without all piling on further. I'm sure we all hope he has learned from his mistakes and will try to do better next time.
 
I think there is much more at play here than just controlling behaviors in a male who is in a position of "power" over a much younger woman. I've read his blog all the way through, and there are a lot of self-esteem issues going on with the OP. I have once been the much younger woman drawn to older men much to my detriment, but the OP clearly is in a lot of pain and may not necessarily be quite the "villain" everyone is making him out to be. The whole situation was unhealthy, and the way he had let his life spiral out of control is worrisome, but is he not deserving of SOME empathy? No, I wouldn't let my daughter live that way either (I have a 22-year-old stepdaughter), but he is in a bad place. I hope he can gain some words of wisdom from Gala Girl's post.
 
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