Poly-Friendly Pagans?

RadiantHeart

RadiantHeart

New member
Hailsa Everyone! This is mostly just a curiosity question . . .

My husband and I are new to Poly-Love and it is my understanding that he and I are the only couple in our local Pagan group that embraces this form of love. Now the pagan group we are involved in is very eclectic and they are very internally pleased that unlike most groups that tend to be dominated by singles and weighted towards female membership, that they are 90% couples and there is almost an even split between the sexes. The average age is also 35+. This group is awesome and devoid of the usual drama and pagan politics that generally plague most groups and bring about their downfall. I love all of the members very much.

For those of you who are openly Poly, how do your pagan families accept your love dynamic? Are they blindly accepting? Exuberantly happy to have you? Do other couples shy away because they fear that you might take their man/woman? I’m just curious . . .

Most pagans talk of free love, but I have seen an entire group of 25+ member fall apart because one couple experienced “cheating” with one of the single members. Hysteria broke out and all the women got VERY territorial. O.O

As pagans we examine the duality of deity and the Universe but I have not experienced many groups that delve into where the poly-dynamic fits – especially in ritual.
 
We were in an open relationship in our last pagan group, but it was a military group and a couple of the solider's were bi-men. It didn't seem to effect the dynamic much other than my having to explain to our priestess' husband that I wasn't into him in anyway other than friendship.

We aren't out to our current group and I'm not sure that it would matter if we were b/c our partners aren't pagan and are in the closet, so it most likely won't come up.

Wish I could be more helpful.
 
Hmm, it's been my understanding that many Pagans are polyamorous, or at least open to it. Do you have organized discussions with your Pagan group? (I don't know what else a Pagan group does when together if not for rituals) Maybe you could introduce "alternative relationships" as a topic to discuss. Or just have an informal get together with some of them and bring it up.
 
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Nah, that's cool. I was just wanting a chat! ;)

ANything and everything. oxoxoxo
 
I have no doubt that the group I am in would be accepting of our lifestyle because they love us. I do have plans to discuss it with the group in the form of leading a discussion on Divine Love & Coupling (as we get closer to Beltaine).

Our society is SO mono-fixated that I think most pagan may say there is nothing wrong with it, but somewhere there must be a bit of them that twinges when they see you coming because they have been taped from an early age is that love is betwen two people and anything beyond that is cheating . . .

My experiences over the past 13 years with most groups and Poly is that you HAVE TO bring it up because it is not naturally on the radar unless a person/couple in the group are poly. <3
 
My wife has been Wiccan since a young age and psychic abilities has run in her family among the women. I seem to have believed in most of what Wicca is all my life but grew up only knowing of Catholic and Christian as the main faiths people followed so when I met my wife and after a few years finally started asking alot of questions about her path I was shocked to hear it fit what I've believed in since childhood.

We never talked about anything Poly till a few years after we were married and still never had the guts to really look into it till now. We did sorta set down ground rules but it just seemed like such a far fetched thing ie how could it ever happen and find the right person. Not sure if it's because I'm Pagan but just seems normal to me if everyone can be truly honest about their feelings. Which we strive to be, just common sense to me. Truth hurts but there is less bad feelings if everyone can accept the honesty.
 
Seems to me that a lot of the poly people I know can be pagan. Some of them even living lives fairly similar to those who are pagan.
But other than my own partner being pagan, I've had very limited time around it and would never be a part of it myself.

I'd say forget about the pagan aspect of it and just treat them as people you love. It's always interesting to bring up the topic and you could even get some of them thinking on it a lot more themselves.

As you say, a lot, if not all of them, were brought up being told love is only between two people and blah blah blah... But when you're with a group of generally open-minded people, you can really make them question the why.
 
RH, i'm sooo sorry i can't help here (or maybe yes?!) 'cause in italy, very very often, pagans are ashamed even of taking a bath into a "distant-eye" river without their own bath-clothes; some of them are (were, since i do practice it no more) not entering the Sweating tent not to show their naked bodies (but who's watching?!!). ...just imagine what about the "couple game" vs "everyone else"..

of course very few pagan sisterhood branches are not "that way", i was talking about the italian pagan medium effect.
 
Hi RadiantHeart: Thank you for your intelligent and thoughtful post; you've posed some excellent questions. My first thought is that if you had a good facilitator for this group, perhaps it might have gone differently. I've been poly for 16 years and lived with the folks who created the term "polyamory" (Oberon and Morning Glory Zell) and I learned much from them. They are very close friends with my husband and I and we all have long histories with each other. I'm also Pagan and while living in No Calif as a Pagan, I became a member of the Church of All Worlds which is based on "Stranger in a Strange Land" and the principles of poly and it was also the first Pagan church in the U.S., receiving 501c3 status in 1968. Almost everyone in the church was poly and Pagan - rituals at Beltane were a blast! I am 57 y.o., my husband of 8 yrs is 66 and we have always been poly. There are very few poly Pagans here and none of them live anywhere close to me, that I've found yet. Being poly works well for us and I think it goes hand in hand with being Pagan; unfortunately, it seems that much of the U.S. Pagans haven't quite gotten that idea yet, at least not here - we moved to Tennessee 7 yrs ago because we wanted to live on some acreage and homestead. What area do you live in?
 
Eclectic pagan here (solitary polytheist, not a magick practicioner) who is moving more toward traditional Hellenic reconstructionist (classical Greek religion) over time.

I have had the experience that I *mostly* seemed to meet polies in my social circles. Not any one group, but a loose association of people largely affiliated based upon being geeky/fannish/creative and a high number happened to be pagan.

Interestingly enough though, the pagan community is not one huge monolith. I knew some Feri Tradition practicioners and there seemed to be a lot of polies there, but the Hellenic reconstructionists I know are actually a much more socially conservative bunch (we don't tend to consider ourselves pagan on the whole, but a traditional reconstructed religion like Asatru, but that said, still kind of under the pagan umbrella so I'm going with it). The Hellenists don't seem to openly disapprove of polyamory, they just don't tend to practice it quite as much. The very few polies seem to be bi women. There are a lot of gay men. Like everywhere else I go, though, I'm the only lesbian.

My experience with Wiccans has been that traditional Wicca tends to be based a bit around couples (it's even in the religion, you're WORSHIPING a couple).

One of the reasons I'm solitary is that I've seen so much drama in groups over couples and jealousy and breakups.

I co-practiced Buddhism for many years and *that* was fascinating; it really seemed like the average westerner in any group I was in, was extremely tied into knots about relationships and sexuality, and over thought things so badly that they seldom could even go on dates. The "I need to think about if I should date you and what everything means" trap that I see single monogamists do, that polies don't seem to get into quite as much.
 
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I am Pagan and honestly the Pagan community is one of the places I feel like I'm most likely to find Poly and Poly-friendly people. Probably depends on the group, though.
 
I have been a pagan for quite a while, trained and initiated Gardnerian, which is, I think, one of the trads that have a tendency towards being more socially conservative. I was never personally aware of anyone within Gardnerianism who was poly, but in the greater pagan community there was at least one publicly open triad, (not sure, but I think it was a mythical unicorn!!) and several paired couples with open marriages. It was much more accepted there than in the general public. Most who do not participate feel that their reasons are their own, just as their religious beliefs are their own; they feel it's not for them, but don't think of it as 'wrong' or morally at issue. I also agree that there is a community of like-minded individuals that intersect and overlap (pagans,geeks, fans, historical recreation, etc.) that tend to be extremely open minded and question many of our ingrained ideas. They seem to have a higher percentage of people who are involved in a poly lifestyle, are open to going there, or at least do not have a problem with other people who do.

I live in a fairly small midwestern citie (US) and many people know that M (my poly bf) lives with me and D (his non-poly gf). A couple of our neighbors know, and most of our friends do, too. We haven't had any negative comments, at least not to our faces. Just "I've got no problem with that, whatever suits you. It's not for me, but that's ok."

I wish you well!! :)
 
RadiantHeart said:
Now the pagan group we are involved in is very eclectic and they are very internally pleased that unlike most groups that tend to be dominated by singles and weighted towards female membership,
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Where did you get this idea? There doesn't seem to be any particular tendency toward group demographics as far as I can tell. There also doesn't appear to be any research into such things. Why would you claim this?

This group is awesome and devoid of the usual drama and pagan politics that generally plague most groups and bring about their downfall.
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And why would you make this claim? Most groups are plagued with drama and politics that bring about their downfall? Um...how many groups do you actually know about?

For those of you who are openly Poly, how do your pagan families accept your love dynamic? Are they blindly accepting? Exuberantly happy to have you? Do other couples shy away because they fear that you might take their man/woman? I’m just curious . . .
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Many folks in our congregation are poly (it's an entirely Pagan congregation). Those who aren't don't seem to have any problems with those who are. In the same fashion that we don't worry about anybody's gender or color or height or weight or orientation, we don't worry about how many people somebody else in the congregation loves.

Most pagans talk of free love,
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Um...says who? That certainly doesn't match my experiences, either online or in meatspace.

As pagans we examine the duality of deity and the Universe.
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I don't know of any Pagan traditions that embrace duality. I know many embrace polarity--and that's something different. There are also many Pagans who don't.

Claiming a generalization about Pagans is actually quite difficult, as the term "Pagan" applies to many very different religions. It would be akin to making many generalizations about polyfolk....
 
My family love and accept me and were present early enough into my realization that we are all in full agreement. Poly lifestyle is still not the number one choice but we are all capable of discussing any issues that come up as well as what is and isn't acceptable in the group, a few of my sisters began exploring themselves. :)
 
All of the poly people I know face-to-face are non-Christian of some variety or another. (I consider myself Pagan, as in, don't try to label me I'll just change to irritate you.) Of the people who know I'm in a poly relationship, and accept it, there is no unifying religion or faith. I did get push-back from one Pagan, but that was because she had a negative experience with poly, and she loves me enough to let me make my own mistakes.
 
I'm new to the poly community (in the beginning stages of a MFF triad) and to the wiccan community. I didn't realized how pagan I was until I started studying under Don Wildgrube (friend of Oberon and Morning Glory and a big part of the pagan community). I've believed these things for years without realizing that they had a name, ie paganism. I'm getting initiate by him over winter break (I'm currently in PA, he's in MO.) He pretty much introduced me to poly because he's been doing it for years and years and is helping me though this trying time of breaking into the pagan/poly communities. I do feel like most of the pagans that I've met are much more accepting of alternative lifestyles/relationships than the average person. I look forward to going to the St. Louis Pagan Picnic this year with my girl and my guy on my arm. Unfortunately, I can't do that all the time. Even there, we may get strange looks, but I feel like I can be myself in the pagan community.
 
Also poly and pagan here.

We are actually discussing right now coming out to our pagan friends here.

We decided to put it on hold until my BF is ready, just in case someone asks if I'm seeing someone else.
 
communal norms

Though 'Pagan' can be associated with more open minded thoughts, it's really about the group dynamic. As pagan Vitki and Christian Minister I've seen the positive and negative playout in both groups equally. True Christians - after all - would never judge another human for the choices they would make. True Pagans should always remain openminded to the wealth of spiritual ideologies playing out across the Pagan culture. Wicca - in all its forms, Odhinism - in all its forms, and on and on - all have acceptances of sexual practice and ritual. So it becomes more about the group dynamic, and how the natural leaders lead by behavior and example. When I lead in Pagan practice I always show the importance of embracing that which is unfamiliar...how else would we gain in knowledge? As Christian I lead the same way...Christ's example was spot on - do no harm, do not judge, love unconditionally those brothers and sisters you understand the least. Always always embrace with love.
Look to the leaders of your group for clues about expected behaviors, and allow them to guide and make mistakes equally. And remain committed to your personal life choices, because those bring us the bliss of ever closer union with Divine. Isnt that what we all truthfully seek?
 
SlytherinAlumnus said:
I am Pagan and honestly the Pagan community is one of the places I feel like I'm most likely to find Poly and Poly-friendly people. Probably depends on the group, though.
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I'm also Pagan, and I've found this to be true.
 
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