Poly newbies

[Tungachie]

Hello! I'm new to the poly community, though not to the concept. Been married almost 13 years to a really great guy; we've had our ups and downs, certainly, but our relationship has always been strong. I have over the years, though, been curious about other relationships. I hated the thought that, since I was married, I'd never experience falling in love again (I was raised with a conservative religious background, so marriage was supposed to mean one person forever). I wondered about other men, what it would be like if I met or dated someone else, etc.

In a strange, beautiful twist of fate, my husband began thinking the same thoughts last year. Neither of us said anything to the other for quite a while, though, because we were each afraid of the other's response. Imagine our surprise when my husband finally said something to me, and I responded with interest instead of instant shutdown!

After a LOT of late night discussions, much research and reading, and time spent mulling over our own thoughts on the matter, we decided we wanted to try polyamory and see what possibilities and adventures it might lead us to. We haven't started any poly relationships yet, partly because we're still so new at this, and partly because our schedules have been crazy lately. We also live in a small rural community where I fear opportunities might be limited. My husband doesn't think this will hinder us overly, but I'm concerned about our chances of meeting like-minded people. If there is a poly community near us, they don't advertise. (Whidbey Island, anyone?)

That's one of the reasons I was so excited to find this forum. Reading other people's stories of how they came to polyamory, what their experiences have been, etc. has been so helpful and encouraging! I look forward to chatting more with everyone, and maybe even meeting other poly people who live in our neck of the woods!

 

[Shatteredsoul]

Welcome. My girlfriend and I are also new to this and curious. We just joined yesterday. It's awesome that the 2 of you have taken your relationship to a new level of communication if nothing else.

 

[Shatteredsoul]

I have found local poly groups on an app called meet up. I also found a local group on Facebook. And you both can advertise on dating sites as poly. I haven't used it, but I was told ok Cupid had a way to search for poly people specifically.

 

[Magdlyn]

Welcome! I am so glad you and your husband are magically on the same page. Besides reading here, you could ask any specific question in the Poly Relationships section. You could also read at morethantwo.com, read the book of the same name, and also read the book Opening Up.

Good luck, kids, I hope you have fun!

 

[Al99]

Welcome, Tungachie - you will find lots of great info and sound advice here. So cool that you both arrived at poly at the same time - has to make it much easier. You will find many, many stories of one partner from a mono relationship struggling with their partner's desire to adopt poly - me among them, although I have achieved a reasonable degree of acceptance. Participating in this forum has been very helpful in getting there.

 

[AutumnLeaves]

Your intro post really resonates with me! As far as rural polyamory goes, you might be surprised. If you don't mind driving it doesn't have to be super limited. I'd recommend checking out OK Cupid if you can't easily find a local group.

 

[Tungachie]

Thanks for the welcome everyone! Yes, we've already spent a lot of time on MoreThanTwo.com, also waiting to get the book from the library.

AutumnLeaves, love the quote on your signature! We are huge Firefly fans. Time for some thrillin' heroics, right?

It's nice to see we aren't the only newbies around. I feel like we are in good company here.

 

[kdt26417]

Greetings Tungachie,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

That's awesome that you and your husband both came upon poly at the same time. As for finding poly groups and people in your area:

• https://fetlife.com/
• https://en.lovoo.com/#/
• http://www.okcupid.com/
• http://www.facebook.com/
• http://www.beyondtwo.com/
• https://www.openminded.com/
• http://polyamory.meetup.com/
• http://adultfriendfinder.com/
• http://www.polymatchmaker.com/
• http://www.polyamory.org/SF/groups.html
• http://polyevents.blogspot.com/#localgroups
• http://openingup.net/resources/local-orginizations-u-s/
• http://openingup.net/resources/national-organizations-us/
• http://openingup.net/resources/international-organizations-outside-the-u-s/
• http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=11
• http://www.polyamory.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=13

And you can google "Washington State polyamory," "Whidbey Island polyamory," things along those lines.

"As for where to meet poly people, if by some chance you are interested in anything alternative like Renaissance fairs, goth culture, sci-fi conventions, indie music, bdsm, or any small fringe group, you will be more likely to meet people who have at least heard of poly and are accepting of it."
-- SpaceHippieGeek, Polyamorous Percolations

Even if it's not an "alternative" type group, if there's a club or something in your area that does something you're interested in, you can always join that group and it just gives you a way to get out there and meet people. If you meet someone on a platonic level and get to talking about poly, then they can decide how they feel about it without any "pressure to agree." Then if they do decide poly doesn't bother them too much, and some kind of romantic connection subsequently develops, you'll already have "had the poly conversation" with them.

Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter"

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

Please read through the guidelines if you haven't already.

Note: You needn't read every reply to your posts, especially if someone posts in a disagreeable way. Given the size and scope of the site it's hard not to run into the occasional disagreeable person. Please contact the mods if you do (or if you see any spam), and you can block the person if you want.

If you have any questions about the board itself, please private-message a mod and they'll do their best to help.

Welcome aboard!

 

[Tungachie]

Maybe this should be called My Intro, pt. 2

Thanks Madisonvek for the welcome!

Kevin, I had to laugh when I saw your comment about fringe groups and sub-cultures. My husband and I are major geeks, so yes, we go to sci-fi/fantasy conventions, and we are heavy into table top gaming. And while I am new to poly, I have noticed people in those groups seem to be a lot more friendly/open/accepting of different lifestyles. So I am encouraged that the things I already love and am a part of will probably jive with a poly life, too.

A little more background: I have been a stay at home mom for the last eight years. This was mostly because we have a son with autism who couldn't be put in daycare or regular classrooms. This year, however, we found an amazing special ed program for him, and he is now going to school afternoons during the week. This new adventure for him has changed everything for me. I have a lot more time to myself. And I have the chance to "get out there" and meet new people, which wasn't always possible before. I started volunteering at our local community college, and I've started an afternoon gaming group at a local bookstore. I am loving the chance to be "me" again, and have my own stuff, apart from being The Mom. (Don't get me wrong, I love being The Mom, but that is not ALL I am. Not by a long shot).

Being raised "mono" and believing for a long time that monogamy was good and right and proper, I find myself now at 32 years old not even having any guy friends, because I deftly trained myself not to look at other guys, not to flirt, not to give them too much attention, etc. Now trying to re-wire my brain to allow myself to feel what I always did anyway, even if I stuffed it down deep. And hoping that my new out-of-the-house endeavors will give me opportunities to practice. I'd love to eventually have a group of friends that included guys, whom I could talk to/hang out with, without feeling guilty or blushing madly. And, of course, I hope one of those friendships will turn into something more down the road.

Baby steps, right?

 

[kdt26417]

Sounds like you're on the right road.