Poly on purpose

F

Freetime

New member
http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7618 My journey into polyamory as a mono husband married to a poly wife.

This new thread is about my walk on this side of the path, as a poly husband married to a poly wife.

Hmm... I don't feel any different. Don't look any different either, although I do notice a not so subtle sparkle in my eyes. It's probably just lust, but I'm good with that. No special tattoo, secret decoder ring or handshake. Everything seems to be the same, and yet it isn't.

When Tess came out as poly, everything looked the same, yet wasn't. And I'm having that same experience again, as I start this part of the adventure. I feel like I'm universe hopping.

Do you know how odd it is to have both your wife and girlfriend tell you to have a great night out on your date with your other girlfriend, I mean, seriously?

Polyamory is a powerful contextual shift, one that challenges just about every relational ideal I've held for most of my life.

So why am I doing this? That's a very good question. I was challenged both Intellectually and emotionally on the point, "Why not polyamory?" I thought about this for days, and every answer I came up with sounded like an excuse, a weak rationalization, a discussion without a purpose. So I moved.

Why am I doing this? Because I want to. I have no better answer to give.
 
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Wow what a fuck up this was

What a night. Tess and I decided to meet a guy who is in town working for awhile. Sort of a meet and greet, welcome to local polyland. He showed up half pissed, full of ego and bluster, and drank even more while he told lies and bad stories over and over, as only drunk dullards can do.

I know this may come as a surprise, but I don't suffer assholes gladly, and decided enough was enough. I explained to him that showing up drunk, lying and acting like an asshole wasn't really working for me, and that this was over and he was free to go, like right now (only not as politely as I make it sound here).

I now know just how fortunate Tess and I are to have met the people we have. This scumbag was the complete opposite of everyone we've met to date.

A great life lesson for me, and a very good experience for Tess. Not everyone calling themselves poly really is.
 
And yet..

Last night was sublime in its wonder and enjoyment. Thanks, FHC.
 
ImaginaryIllusion said:
Poly or not... assholes are still assholes!
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This asshat isn't poly, he's just trolling the community for fuck buddies. He's approached another person in the local group, oddly enough, who also wanted nothing to do with him. Small world.
 
On Saturday, Tilly and Mike came to visit. I'm still smiling. :D I didn't know I could feel like this for more then one person. So many experiences of love and laughter, of the bittersweet sorrow of parting.

Sigh... More, please.
 
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Sunday, I spent the afternoon walking and talking with FHC, then went for a walk alone in the rain, no coat. Sweet universe, what an amazing day. Hello FHC, thanks for letting me in. We'll walk slowly.
 
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NRE? random thoughts

I have never experienced love so freely given, so freely received. I'm having a drink, smoking a cigar and listening to Adele 21.

If this all stops tomorrow, I'll still be grateful and humbled by what I've been given by my wife, FHC, Tilly, and their respective partners.

(Edit: As I was writing this last missive for the night, T came in and delivered some hard news. Her company, our source of income, is experiencing critical financial issues, which affects, well, just about everything. I don't know if the universe is fucking with us or me, but all I can say is bring it on. I'm a big boy. I can take it.

Just another day in the life of Freetime.)

About the only thing I'd change about this journey is the pain I've caused my wife. You're not alone, Tess. I swear to God you're not, baby. We'll be all right.

Still an amazing day.

Night folks, be well,
Freetime
 
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Well, this is different

Tess, Tilly and FHC are all out tonight on dates. I am now experiencing jealousy X 3. How fragging awesome is that? Life's weird and getting weirder. I do hope that they're having a good night, though. How odd is that?

I'm alone right now, so this is where I get to find out just how well I'm really doing. I'm having a big bowl of fear and jealousy for a snack right now. Tasty. But nothing I haven't had before.

You'd think that having a wife and two girlfriends would make this easier, but it doesn't. I'm still me and still growing up, it seems. But when the fear is at its strongest, it seems so am I, in a way.

Will I ever be at peace with this? Myself? Love my life, but some days...
 
Hey Freetime,

I'm just curious about Tilly and FHC. You've gone on a few dates with each of them, correct? And you already consider them girlfriends? I'm just wondering, because they seem to have progressed pretty quickly from dates to girlfriend status. Are you perhaps letting yourself get a bit carried away, and maybe that's why you're feeling fear and jealousy right now? Moving too fast, maybe?
 
nycindie said:
Curious about Tilly and FHC. You've gone on a few dates with each of them, and you already consider them girlfriends? They seem to have progressed pretty quickly from dates to girlfriend status. Are you letting yourself get a bit carried away, and maybe that's why you're feeling fear and jealousy right now? Moving too fast...
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Me? Moving too fast? Maybe. My feelings are pretty low-key, compared to when this rodeo got started. The move from date to girlfriend was and is based on the level of intimacy I currently have with Tilly and FHC. I'm not including sex in the discussion, because it's not what I'd ever base a real relationship on, just not my style. We moved from date to bf/gf status because of the emotional and intellectual intimacy created between us, and that's what counts for me.

More to come later. I have a morning date with FHC.
 
How did you meet these two women, anyway? All of a sudden, they were just there, and you were head over heels for both.
 
Freetime said:
Tess, Tilly and FHC are all out tonight on dates.

I am now experiencing jealousy X 3. How fragging awesome is that? life's weird and getting weirder. I do hope that they're having a good night though. How odd is that?

I'm alone right now, so this is where I get to really find out just how well I'm really doing. I'm having a big bowl of fear and jealousy for a snack right now. Tasty, But nothing I haven't had before.

You'd think that having a wife and two girlfriends would make this easier, but it doesn't. I'm still me, and still growing up, it seems. But when the fear is at its strongest it seems so am I, in a way.

Will I ever be at peace with this? Myself? Love my life, but some days...
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Alone time can be a wonderful thing too. I treat my alone time as self-date nights. I do what I want to do with my time, without having to answer to anyone else or come to a compromise. Usually I'm home with the kids, so it's not a fancy date, but it is dinner and a movie the way I like it. Sometimes it's just a matter of putting a new spin on it.
 
Still more to learn.

I was out with Tilly tonight, wonderful, loving and fun. But I found myself struggling at one point with honesty, emotional.

We were talking about my trips to California and all of the cool people I know, when I was hit with a wall of grief over the death of my friend Ryan in November, 2010. He was a police officer, only 27-years old, served two tours in Iraq, and was killed in the line of duty less then a year after returning home. Ryan was 18 yrs old when I first met him. He was one of the youngest members of a group of hobbyists I belong to, and yet one of the most squared-away people I ever met. And I miss him dearly.

The point, though, is that I had difficulty showing just how much sadness and grief I still carry for him. I now realize that I've taken no time to process this, and that all of that grieving I put off for another day, has, in fact, arrived.

Since this stroll into polyamory started, I've made a deal with the universe that I won't lie or hide how I feel when I'm with the people I love ever again, and yet I nearly did. Tilly caught it too. She's very observant and already knows me well. Scary, really. Tilly was awesome, kind, loving and gentle, allowed me time to outflow and then get back to our date.

Somewhat humorous that I'd be concerned what she might think of me, when I have my last three months of living posted up here for all to see.

Having three intelligent, wickedly smart, highly observant women in my life leaves little room for pretense or dishonesty. And in this one area they cut me no slack, and I am a much better man and human being because of it.

Time for sleep. Be well, folks,
Freetime
 
nycindie said:
I believe FHC met him here, and is Feedhercandy on this forum. T2 is married to M who is seeing his wife.
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Is this correct, FT? You met Feedhercandy here on this board, and you and Tess are in a quad arrangement with another couple, Mike and Tilly? This second scenario is something so many poly folk seem to want, and very seldom find.


Sorry about your friend's violent end. :(
 
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