Poly Triad help

KiraK85

New member
Ok 2 years I almost ended my relationship with my husband he’s the only guy I had been with because I met someone else when he decided to be open and let me see this guy after two years and than my husband meets someone too and after things went sour with the guy. My husband told his girlfriend that we would like for her to be our girlfriend so my husband’s girlfriend who became my girlfriend too but since she been with us she’s only shown him affection kisses and playful punches but with me if I try to kiss her she pushes away and I end up kissing her neck than her lips yet she ask my husband about what kinda things do I like tells him me and her need to have a girls night first time I kissed she looked a little nervous but told my husband she liked it they recently got intimate I’m not jealous in fact her scent on him was a turn on for me I keep telling my husband that she’s not feeling me like the way I feel about her so for the last two years it’s been nothing but fighting to the point where I don’t know what do I love my husband but if I walk away he tells me that it’s over I know that I used my guy friend to make him jealous but never fought about yes me and do flirt with each other but that’s it I’m torn because I’ve fallen love with her daughter even excepted her as mine I think that’s what will hurt me more if things don’t changed from what my husband tells she’s just nervous because she’s never been with a woman she doesn’t know what do I think that’s something she needs to discuss with me not him please help
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member
Perhaps she's actually just not sexually attracted to women or perhaps she simply isn't interested in sharing sexual intimacy with you because it's too complicated for her.

You and your husband could just accept that she is your husband's girlfriend and not yours.

I suggest you find someone else who you can date who is actually into you, sexually.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
I hope you feel a bit better for the vent. I'm very sorry you are struggling.

I have a hard time reading with no paragraph breaks, no names, and things not in chronological order.

So let me repeat back what I understand so far first. I might guess wrong. You correct me, ok? Blue just to visually block it off.

2 years ago I almost ended my relationship with my husband because of _____?
My husband was the only guy I had been with. Then I met someone else -- Dude. I know that I used my guy friend to make him jealous but never fought about____?
After two years, my husband decided to try open/poly with me and let me see this guy. In the end, things went sour and Dude and I broke up.
After that? My husband met someone himself. My husband told his girlfriend that we would like for her to be our girlfriend. So my husband’s girlfriend became my girlfriend too.
Since Lady has been with us, she’s only shown him affection kisses and playful punches. Lady and I do flirt with each other but that’s it. If I try to kiss her she pushes away and I end up kissing her neck rather than her lips. So... I think she doesn't really want to date me.
Yet Lady asks my husband about what kinda things I like. She tells him me and her need to have a girls night. First time I kissed her, she looked a little nervous but told my husband she liked it.
They recently got intimate. I’m not jealous. In fact her scent on him was a turn on for me. I keep telling my husband that she’s not feeling me like the way I feel about her.
So for the last two years it’s been nothing but fighting with my husband. I don’t know what do. I love my husband but if I walk away from participating in this triad thing, he tells me that it’s over between him and me.
I’m torn because I’ve fallen love with her daughter and accepted her as mine. I think that’s what will hurt me most if things don’t change.
From what my husband tells me, she’s just nervous because she’s never been with a woman she doesn’t know what do. I think that’s something she needs to discuss with me not him. Please help.

Is this about it? If so?

I think you and your GF need to stop "going through" your husband. And communicate by talking directly and simply to each other.

You could ask her for a time to talk and when the time comes? Speak plain. Maybe something like

"I think we need to talk about you and me breaking up. It's been ____ months of trying. It's not really taking off. Sometimes that happens. It's fine if you want to keep dating DH, and this changes from triad shape to V shape.
I do care about you and your daughter. And if you want to, I would like to continue as good exes and try being friends instead of trying to be girlfriends. How are you feeling about it?"

If your husband is gonna dump you or GF because you both gave it a whirl and no sparks? Neither of you wants to date each other after all? That's not being realistic. Because that leg of the triangle is NOT up to him. It's up to you and the GF to figure out what you want to be to each other. Once can't force triads. He might have to let go of the triad fantasy.

There's nothing wrong with aiming for a stable V, and over time if you want to seek a new partner of your own, you could do that. Or maybe GF wants a new partner. People don't all have to date each other in a group like everyone dating everyone else. They could make their own connections.

Galagirl
 
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KiraK85

New member
Perhaps she's actually just not sexually attracted to women or perhaps she simply isn't interested in sharing sexual intimacy with you because it's too complicated for her.

You and your husband could just accept that she is your husband's girlfriend and not yours.

I suggest you find someone else who you can date who is actually into you, sexually.
She’ll ask him questions about me and what I prefer in the bedroom
 

Evie

Kaitiaki
Staff member

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Hello KiraK85,

It sounds like you need to sit down with this girlfriend, and have a heart-to-heart conversation with her. You definitely need to have a girls' night out with her.

I get the impression that she is more into your husband than she is into you. You need to decide if that's a dynamic you can live with.

I'm sorry your husband is threatening you with leaving you. That isn't very fair on his part. You can't be forced into having a romantic relationship with this girlfriend.

Sure she is asking your husband about what you like in the bedroom, but first of all she isn't asking you, and secondly she isn't acting on it.

Sympathetically,
Kevin T.
 

MeeraReed

Well-known member
She’ll ask him questions about me and what I prefer in the bedroom
She's trying to please you because she thinks that's what she has to do in order to keep the relationship with your husband.

She is clearly not into you sexually--I cringed reading this because it sounds like she's doing something she doesn't really want to do.

Just because things didn't work out with your boyfriend doesn't mean your husband's girlfriend is required to be with you too. Why not just be a V instead of a triad? Your husband can have a relationship with you and a relationship with his girlfriend, but you don't need to be with his girlfriend.

You can then seek out another partner of your own.

Do you all live together? With her daughter, too?
 

KiraK85

New member
Because I needed a rant lot of you mistook I what I said I was going to leave my husband for another guy my husband never said he was going to leave me and she knows he wouldn’t leave me for her
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
Okay, thanks for that clarification, I thought maybe he was telling you he was going to leave you, I think I misread that.
 

GalaGirl

Well-known member
Thank you for clarifying.

I hope you were able to talk things out and let it be a V if triad isn't gonna work out.

GG
 

KiraK85

New member
For my birthday She got me a really pretty necklace with a infinity heart that says I love you in 100 different Languages if you look at thur a camera lens
 

kdt26417

Official Greeter
Staff member
That's a very thoughtful birthday gift that she gave you, it shows that she must have some kind of feelings for you, don't you think?
 
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