Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

MonoVCPHG

New member
There is often a lot of struggle discussed in these forums. Struggle is natural and often necessary in achieving things that are worthwhile. I got caught up in some of the non-positive aspects of polyamory and allowed a lot of painful energy to enter my life. As a result I began feeling increased fear, doubt, and frustration in not understanding how my girlfriend Redpepper shares love and intimacy. (I am monogamous/ she is polyamorous). I want to share with the brave and interesting people on this forum but not at the detriment of the amazing love I have with Redpepper.

For this reason this thread is about sharing positive stories, success, happiness and good times in our and your poly lives.

..........................................................................................................

To re-assure, and hopefully reinforce, that this is in fact natural (although not my nature LOL!), wonderful and worth working towards for those who want it, I have decided to share a quick but wonderful achievement in our lives.

Last night, Redpepper, her husband, her Lover and me along with several other friends got together. We chatted and laughed at a pub before heading to the bar for some well needed but poorly musically funded dancing. At the pub I chuckled in watching Redpepper move around the table chatting with everyone, lovers and friends alike. This didn’t appear to be work or a balancing act. It looked like her doing what comes naturally to her, socializing and sharing with her friends.

At the bar we all danced together at times, in different small groups at times, and as couples at times. There was no jealousy or “greediness” for her attention. There was fun interacting amongst friends who care for each other.

We are very proud in what we have. That doesn’t make it easy, but makes it unbelievably fulfilling and completely worth every moment of anxiety, fear and insecurity. There is a shared love amongst us for one person and each other.

The key to our success, I believe, is that each person cares so much for the other person and thier well-being. Redpepper seemed more relaxed than I have ever seen her in this dynamic last night. There is no pulling to monopolize or even balance her attention amongst her Lovers. There is just enjoyment in her presence and appreciation for the happiness she gives all of us. Seeing her Lovers together as friends and enjoying time together gives her a radiance I can't describe!

We all have to work to make this possible…Redpepper more than any of us...but with genuine caring you stop noticing the “work” aspect and it just becomes our nature to look after each other.

Thank you Redpepper…you amaze and bless me with your love..despite the fact you scare me….I had to say it!:)
 
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MonoVCPHG

New member
Yesterday I went with Redpepper, her husband and their son to a local island to look at some property for them. Her husband grew up on the island and he enjoyed showing me his old neighbourhood. I met his father and step mother as well although I am considered a friend with both their parents.

Throughout the day we rotated the car seating so each of us got to talk with each other as well as spend time with their son. On the ferry ride, Redpepper sat between us at one point and had her arm around both of us. I didn't even look for people's response..simply because I don't care. As long as her husband is comfortable and it is not so obvious to confuse her son I am fine with it.

At one point we were having a picnic styled lunch and it really struck me how natural and wonderful all of us together feels. Her husband is someone I could have a deep friendship with in any case. Getting to know him is just another gift Redpepper and polyamory has given me. Her son wanted me to spend the night again LOL so I am feeling very good about my presence in regards to his well being. Redpepper's family is starting to ask more questions about me which is humorous and kind of nerve wracking!

Feeling how good this is did stir up some fears of me screwing it up due to my mono nature but discussing things with Redpepper once again made me feel comfortable and safe.
I am on an amazing and fulfilling journey..we all are..I feel blessed in so many ways!!
 

Danny40179

New member
ROCK ON MONO AND RED!!! I"m so happy for you guys. There are indeed too many stories of struggle on this board. Don't get me wrong, that's what this board is all about, but it's always wonderful to read a success story!

I'm thrilled for you guys and look forward to many more happy stories!!
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
Hi everyone,
Just a short update on the journey me and Redpepper have been on :).

The love between us has been continuing to reach new levels that stagger both of us. The relationship I have with her husband and son is flourishing and I am feeling more and more like family. Her son asked me if I was going to stay in this family and in the manner of children stated that “he was” LOL! He also tells me he loves me and I love him as well.

Her husband and I have enjoyed working together on projects while camping and he has become my closest and most trusted confidant outside of Redpepper herself. I can share my worries and feelings with him as he is very logical and non judgemental in seeing through the emotional clouds that Redpepper and me have peered through at times.

Redpepper and I went through a very serious moment of misunderstanding each other which gave us a taste of what losing each other would feel like. This came out of misinterpreting our expectations and boundaries. More than anything it was due to different definitions of the same ideas and words. It was honestly terrifying and yet once we figured out what each other really needed and wanted we were basically on the same page! The result has been a new level of confidence and security in our relationship which has filled us with excitement in so many ways.

We are not forcing the future although we all have similar goals and desires. Essentially everyone in this relationship wants each other to be happy. Each of us is communicating and looking out for the well being of the other. I have no issues with time balance or public displays of affection when we are all together. (Except she tries to get me in trouble LOL!) My family is completely aware of our relationship and Redpepper’s family know I am a very close personal friend and occasional “babysitter” for thier son.

I can’t really speak for Redpepper and her husband but they seem as strong as ever and as in love as ever. I take great joy in aiding them in spending alone time together which makes me feel like I am bringing them closer as a couple. I am quite comfortable in referring to myself as a secondary (although that is not the word they would prefer), and will always put their family and primary relationship first and foremost.

As a group, we are active in the local poly community through monthly meetings where I humbly feel people view us as an example of deep poly success and what can be achieved if the right people come together.

We have challenges ahead I’m sure..but they are getting harder to identify and we are focussing on the present as opposed to living in a future that isn’t here yet.
I am extremely proud of Redpepper and feel blessed by every minute we have together alone and as a family if I might be so bold to use the word. I love her with all my heart and want only for her to be fulfilled and flourish. I definitely feel like a positive in her life and to her family which is my critical requirement to be healthy and happy.

Take care everyone
This wasn't quite as short as I intended :D
 
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MonoVCPHG

New member
Another update!

I'm not pretending there are not challenges for me and Redpepper, everything is not all flowers and butterflies but I want to continue sharing our adventure on this thread:)

Tonight I was invited to Redpepper's parents house for a family supper. It was relaxed, incredible and so natural for all of us to be together. Her brother was there as well as a deep family friend of hers. We felt like family; Redpeppper felt it, I caught her looking around and looking so full. Her parents do not know about us yet and that is absolutely fine by me:) I think we could wait a lot longer in my opinion for things to settle out..not to mention it's gonna get awkward!! They accept me as a friend and that is enough for me LOL!!

All of us would have been friends regardless of my involvement in their family I think. We are all doing great in the moment:D
 
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Sunshinegrl

New member
That'S Such a positive update. Its great to see your relationship flourishing. You both sound Very much in love and very content.
 
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Mark1npt

New member
That's wonderful Mono......enjoy every moment like that, that you can! They sure feel good.
 
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foxflame88

New member
Knowing that all relationships have challenges, it is nice to read the positive aspects too. TFS
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
It just got better too:D!! We had a major break through towards the future yesterday.

I recently became so threatened by the future that I completely devoted myself to living in the moment. There is nothing wrong with living in the moment, but I was so deep into it that I was stopping us from moving forward. It was great not thinking about anything but what I was doing at that time but I was missing something and Redpepper felt it too. I felt like there was no future which leaves blackness when we are not together.

We got to root of my issue revolving around insecurities which were blocking my ability to move forward. I simply had to ask for what I needed to feel secure in committing to her and her family on a deeper level. I am excited and more in love with her than ever:)
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
Just a very quick note I promise:)

There is a very calm and yet exciting security that has entered Redpepper and my relationship. Her husband asked that we all get together for a drink prior to our date night recently. I love these opportunities to group bond. We had a great time, lots of laughter and everything is just feeling so right. We all checked in and discussed what each of us was getting from the relationship. I was very tempted to forego private time with Redpepper and just hang out as a group. He is a very close friend and I would enjoy his company under any circumstances.

Again I am thankful to Redpepper for not only sharing her love with me but in also allowing me to make a wonderful new friend in her husband.
I continue to be amazed at just how lucky I am and how natural this all is:D

Thank you Lilo. You have very little idea just how immense and special the love I have for you and your family is...but I have lots of time and boundless energy to show you.
 

XYZ123

New member
Thank you for sharing. I read these posts with a big smile and hope that we can all be as happy as you are.
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
With work every one can be for sure! It's never all butterflies, but there is so much good:D

You are very welcome and take care
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
With work every one can be for sure! It's never all butterflies, but there is so much good:D

Redpepper and me spoke about just how much work has gone into this relationship and achieving something that is growing and continues to amaze us. We are becoming normalized within our "V". When I say normalized I mean simply that it just feels like this is the way it is supposed to be. I'm not talking about the understanding of extended family, but the comfort amongst her, her husband and me. This also includes her son who has become bonded with me. I simply know she is there and we are all together with the welfare of each other put first. We feel like a constant...not static, but a constant that is evolving based on a rock solid core.

We fought an emotional war to get here. Twice we hit breaking points where we had to make decisions about staying together. Once it felt terminal, like there was no way to move forward. Our depth of love and the wisdom of her husband kept us fighting to find a way. It was a matter of knowing this was immensely worth it and not an effort to prove we could do it. It came from wanting to share lifetimes together. We fought with each other a little and within ourselves a lot. I certainly did.

This is so worth it. I have never struggled with something like this before and I'm sure Redpepper would say it was exhausting and almost too much at times. In our love and commitment to building a future we have made it I feel. Now it is our continuing growth and "normalizing" it for the rest of our friends and family that is our challenge. It is not inside us any more in a lot of ways. Now it is more a challenge of logistics and not love. Our love is secure.....I am proud of us.

I hope everyone gets exactly what they are looking for in this. Good luck and lots of love:D
 

redpepper

New member
We fought an emotional war to get here. Twice we hit breaking points where we had to make decisions about staying together. ....
This is so worth it. .....I am proud of us.

Wow, what a battle hey! I am proud of us too. What a long way from that conversation we had where you couldn't believe that my husband and I were still in love after all these years and couldn't believe that I wouldn't get bored at some point after our NRE wore off. I told you then that I would always love you and that this was real for me and that we could also be in love for a long time to come too. You looked so scared and disbelieving. There has never been a doubt in my mind. It is coming real... all that we wanted.

I think sometimes people get scared to face their fears when they get to a certain point in their relationships and are unable to move forward because of the disabling effect of that fear. In return they tend to stagnate and eventually fall out of love with one another. Of course sometimes people just get too busy and self absorbed also. What a gift it is when I face my fears and dive right into my relationships... I feel as if I have NRE (new relationship energy) all over again but on a deeper level! I know there is more NRE feelings to come as long as we work hard, it's our reward.... each other and the deepness of our love. I have it with my husband and now with you to Mono. i'm so lucky. Is it just luck? no, I think it's really hard work as well.... I love you. For all to hear. I love you.
 
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