Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness

nycindie

Active member
Every relationship has its ups and downs, and life is unpredictable. I love easily and I think that what I most appreciate about polyamory, and benefit from, is the ability to create loving relationships on my own terms. I don't have to squeeze my relationships to fit into narrow parameters in order to match what society expects from me.

I never played that game well. I was a high school dropout at 17, lived on my own since I was 19, did whatever I wanted with my life and never cared what family thought, was single (and anti-marriage) until I met my ex, got married at 39, always childfree by choice, always rebellious. Still, I was basically booted from my role of Wife, because I didn't fit my husband's expectations. Since embracing polyamory I now get to say, "No more roles for me." I am creating the life I want.

Of course, one can be deliriously happy in a monogamous partnership -- I know that even I can -- but it's all the expectation placed on that sort of partnership that can be hard to overcome. So, for now and into the foreseeable future, practicing polyamory satisfies this need I have to be free to choose and create what I want my life to be, and to love without reservation, in an ethical, honest way. It makes me happy that I can do this, and just feels right for me.
 

lovefromgirl

New member
Not so much lifestyle-affirming as simply wonderful: this man, this glorious man who the world probably thinks is the worst possible match for me, has treated me with more respect, love, and kindness than any other person I have been with. And he wants me to be able to find that with someone else simultaneously! Double the awesome, none of the possessive crap. Works for me.
 

Fiona

New member
The Poly Vignettes: Sharing Success & Happiness thread (posted above) is delightful and contains lots of happy stuff.

For me, loving and being in relationships with two wonderful people at once has been amazing. I've grown so much as a person in the last few years, much of it as a direct result of that. I'm better at communicating, more responsible for my own feelings/actions, and more patient and kind, I think.

Plus, I have so much love and support...I feel very lucky.
 

polyq4

Spaminator
Well our quad has progressed even more. Out of the last month I have slept with my GF more than my wife, in fact we are now hanging together so much that we are talking about moving the 2 households into one.the ladies now talk about being sister wives and the guys are doing more things together. We only live a 5 minute walk apart from each other right now.

As a fourple we have learned that we cando so much more together but even more we are happier as a fourple, arguments die quicker, and laughter starts faster. We get together and talk laugh and have a general wonderfult time. Not to mention the sex is fantastic. We will be celebrating 4 years together soon.

Yes polyamory can work just fine.
 

GreenMom

New member
I have to say the best and most unexpected bonus from becoming poly is finally having met a couple we get along with who have a kiddo near the age of ours. We were able to get all the kids together a lot this weekend and it was great seeing them all so happy!
 

urmila

New member
I'm someone who desperately needs the feeling of having possibilities, of going down new paths and exploring things. Poly offers the possibility of multiple partners in an ethical way, which is very important to me. I have the possibility of all these new options, structures, growth, learning. If I don't have the options of exploring, doing new things, I get very psychically trapped which is very bad for me and for people around me.

I have not yet managed to have multiple loving relationships at once so I don't consider myself as 'doing' poly yet but rather I have the potential to do so.

Poly as opening up new possibilties, even if I never actually have a poly relationship, is worthwhile for me. it helps keep that trapped feeling at bay.

First and foremost, you have to be in love with somebody, (more than one,) only then u will know for sure that u r polyamorous by nature and that too after the NRE efect has wornout
 

rory

New member
Lately I've tried to cut back on poly-related reading, and I've just been living life. I've had regular skype dates with Mya, and she will fly here to see me in couple of weeks. Alec has had a few days off work here and there, and we've been able to hang out together a lot. We've been getting along really well lately; there seems to be a balance of time allocation that is working for me (possibly due to me having more free time and less stress at the moment). It's all good.
 

loveboston

New member
Pathology

My wife’s first marriage was effectively ended 20 years ago when she had a relationship with her husband’s best friend. Her husband was physically and emotionally abusive. Her husband’s friend tried to rescue her. Her affair proved her husband’s worst fears and ultimately led to a divorce.

15 years ago, when I started dating my wife she told me about her affair. It was evident that she was madly in love with her ex-husband’s best friend. I had never heard a more intense, passionate love story.

5 years later, a week after we were married lo and behold her former lover showed up on our door step. I wish I could paint a picture of the two of them levitating, lost in love staring at each other. He wanted to know where my wife’s ex-husband lived. My wife offered to show him and with my permission off they went in his white, Camaro convertible.

My wife returned an hour later. She told me her bff wanted to hand deliver a letter of apology to her ex-husband. She was extremely embarrassed and told me she didn’t know what came over her and felt extreme guilt about still being attracted to another man.

4 weeks later her lover died. He had come to our house to say his final goodbyes and request for forgiveness from my wife and her ex.

It was at that moment in our relationship that my wife and I realized we were not monogamous and we would never prevent each other from loving someone else.

We have righted many of the wrongs we both committed in our first marriages because of gross dishonesty to our spouses. We have an open marriage in the most positive sense. We share our thoughts and feelings about everything, especially about who we love.

Our rule is that if we can’t reach an agreement on a major issue we go to our therapist and counselor to reach a compromise. This rule has served us well for the past 10 years.

I did intense research on the subject of open marriage. Coming from a strict Baptist background and a less than perfect childhood I was almost certain our acceptance of others in our lives was evidence of pathology.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the pathology is hiding the fact that we love and desire being loved in return from a variety of people.

For the past four years my wife has had a fantastic relationship with a man who she adores. He came along at a perfect time. Because he loves and cares for my wife he is one of my best friends. :D
 

loveboston

New member
The importance of play

I've really enjoy having this forum as a resource. Our counselor is the only person who we talk in depth with about having an open marriage. There is so much to learn and understand.

This particular thread is my favorite so far. So many of the situations going on in the world at large and in the world of polyamory are very troubling, filled with drama that to me defies the purpose of having loving friendships.

Recently I've learned that play is extremely important to prevent all sorts of emotional and physical disorders. I'm 64 and I'm very interested in staying healthy.

In my primary relationship with my wife there are many serious issues that we have to deal with on a daily basis. We are playful with each other but there is no doubt that our relationship at times is dominated by the serious business of making a living and coping with each others children.

Although my wife and I are very playful with each other we don't play the same type of games. She is extroverted and I'm an introvert.

We knew that she wanted to do extroverted play things that I loathed. We were left with the conflict that I'd have to learn to enjoy her games whether I enjoyed them or not.

We decided that instead we would pray that she would find a friend who she would enjoy playing with. The prayers were answered and she now has a friendship that is built entirely around their enjoyment to play together.

I've determined that this need to have play mates is actually very serious to our well-being.

An inability to play is an indicator that has to be explored.

The importance of the pursuit of play is more good reason to believe that what we're doing is perhaps a healthier life style than we realize.
 

km34

New member
I officially had a "we're dating, right?" conversation without it being too terribly awkward! Woohoo!

I think I've actually learned something from all of the craziness that was my most recent relationship and reading all the stories on here. :) Most definitely a success in my book.
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
Some background - we all are on different schedules so we have taken to leaving each other notes on these cheap 8 1/2 x 11 whiteboards (I got 10 for some ridiculously cheap price) and placing them where where they HAVE to get noticed. A usual message is - "Dogs fed and outed" when I leave in the morning - leaning against the door to the dog room - so they don't get fed breakfast twice. Or "your lunch is in the fridge - TAKE IT" left on my computer keyboard.

I had a long, long, long day at work today and the boys went to a concert tonight with friends. I come home to an empty house and a whiteboard lying in the middle of the floor where I come in: "SMOOCHES - Da Boys" - I love how they can make me smile even when they are not here. :)

JaneQ
 
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faithfulkitty

New member
bragging

Yeah this is the thread were I get to brag about the wonderful caring M I'm in. My 2 husbands are great loving and sometimes frustrating menbut I wouldn't want them any other. Way. The girls or my husbands wife and her wife are the best friends I could ever ask for. I mean when the guys are on my last nearve or the 5 kids we all have have warn me to a frazzle they are the ones who understand exactly what I'm going through. I just wish we could afford a big enough house to fit all 10 of us. Since we are currently split between 2 houses because of space. I will admit what I love about my family is I am never alone unless I want to be.
 

MoonElf

New member
Sincerely, with all my insecurities and doubts, I really didn't think I'd be posting on the "Success tales" post so soon.

But here I am to tell people poly is hard work, but it's nowhere NEAR as impossible as people think when first considering it.

All the "newb problems"? Been there. There was the hard talk with current partner, the falling in love with someone I thought to be mono, the hard comunication, the meeting between my two partners, the fear of hurting them... And now everything is ok and I want to share.

Because:

-I've always felt poly, since I started being atracted to people. I felt like an awfull human being for liking more than one person at the same time. Now I don't and I can be happy the way I am. There's nothing better than being happy, accepted by the ones you love (ALL of them) and true to yourself. It's heaven.
-Peaches and I are trully best friends now. Before poly, I never mentioned to him when I felt atracted for someone else. Now we talk about it and laugh and gossip while eating Ice Cream. (Including my long-time platonic crush on a female friend of mine) It's just freaking awesome.
-CC is loving, caring, protective and unbelievably romantic. It's a side of him I've never seen, even with us being friends for so long. And I love this side of him, and I love being able to enjoy that. CC is also totally different from Peaches in tastes and hobbys. It's a whole new world, a whole new form of experiencing a relationship, a whole new everything. And it's FASCINATING.
-My family is AWESOME and loves me so much. Even though their views are completly different from my own on this, I'm accepted and loved by my Mom and Dad as I am. This is priceless.

Still somewhat afraid of losing CC at some point, but heh. Relationships, poly or not, are like this, I guess. Something always can go wrong. But if you spend your life wondering wht could go wrong, you won't enjoy anything.
CC and Peaches are getting along. On their way to becoming good friends. I love Peaches with all my heart. And I love CC with all my heart. They love me back and make sure they show it everyday. This is as good as life gets, really. :)

I'm thinking I may start a blog around here. Fells just SO good to share the good stuff.
 

Josie

New member
I've been a poly relationship for almost 2 years now.

It's my first one and I was very sceptical about it at first but my boyfriend was very patient with me and I've learnt to love my relationship(s).

As of about 2 months ago, two wonderful things happened to me:

1) I moved in with my boyfriend (H) (My very first time living a partner) and it's going so well. We're so very happy living under the same roof.

2) I met P - she's lovely.
First time we properly spoke to each other she said she was bi-curious and I thought 'Here we go again, just another girl who only likes making out with me because guys find it hot' (I had had this A LOT and was getting quite cynical about it, which really isn't like me).
To my complete surprise, she asked me out! We've been dating the last two months, taking it slow as she was quite intimidated by the idea of being with a girl for the 1st time. I've been patient and made sure I didn't pressure her in any way and, actually, I've really enjoyed taking it slow! It's been nice to have the build up, although I did have a few wobblies where I wondered whether she was really attracted to me or not.

But, she recently asked to stay over and told me she was ready. :)

I am so excited/nervous, I can't even sleep!

My boyfriend has been lovely with the two of us and they even get on really well as friends. I'm not sure how I managed to be so lucky, but I'm glad :D
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
I found it touching that three of the four Christmas cards that we received yesterday were addressed to all three of us - including one from MrS's sister, who has met Dude exactly once (at Thanksgiving) (The 4th was MrS's great-aunt who has probably never even heard of Dude).

Who'd have thought? Warm fuzzies to all of you this holiday season.

Jane
 

redpepper

New member
I found it touching that three of the four Christmas cards that we received yesterday were addressed to all three of us
I love that too :) We have many now, after year four, addressed to all of us. Its become so common I don't even think about it now. Thanks for the reminder of how special that really is.

Warm fuzzies to you too!
 

Phy

Member
Indeed, we just received a huge present box for the three of us from Lin's family. A text from his mother said that she is totally nervous and excited how we will like the presents and as it seems, she has spend quite some time chosing things for Sward and I over the last weeks :D It inevitably makes you smile ;)
 

JaneQSmythe

Active member
Just got to cuddle up and watch Tv with both my partners simultaneously for the first time.

*squee*

:D

Yes, THAT! Joyousness! Happiness! So glad for you!

Jane("Love-that-middle-love")Q
 
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