Poly Wannabes

ProudMama

New member
Hi, I'm Scott from Florida. I am a bisexual man married to a woman for almost 20 years. We have very open-minded nearly grown teen girls (one bi, one lesbian).

As my handle suggests, she is the boss. I really sucked as an "equal," so my wife expects me to be her domestic. There is still room for improvement, but the house looks pretty good. Mind you I have other talents that she need me for, like fixing the internet/computers/phones/tablet/car/etc.

In her first marriage, my wife was free and rather expected to play around. She had a man at home with the dinner, safety and, for a time, good friendship. When she was out she could go anywhere and do anything or anybody she wanted. This autonomy that she had never quite went away.

We have talked at length about her taking another husband. We don't want a fling or playmate, we have had that in the past. We want a real long term relationship with a man that will give her things that I can not. I have already moved my things from her bedroom and sometimes sleep elsewhere in the house, so she can spread her wings a little. I know that keeping herself mostly to me is out of her nature. That fact that she has not taken a lover is a testament to her love for me despite my many flaws.

Normally one dates before commitment, so how is that supposed to go? She goes out somewhere and meets a candidate to bring him home? Do we do personals? That seems too much like hookup sex. I know she is a little scared of being discovered, or falling for him in a monogamous way. Monogamy for them wouldn't necessarily be a deal breaker for me, if I get to stay.

I have my druthers which are not requirements. I'd like him to be bi with a fairly good attraction to me as well. He could even be straight, if he has the right attitude. It'd be nice if he were a couple/few years younger than us. Also would be nice if he had a good job. I'd be tickled pink to see her playful with a new man. I would love to cook and clean for a man, because it has been a long long time since that has happened.

With as many people who identify as bisexual now, how can there not be poly marriage. I would feel most complete with a husband and a wife. This does not in any way diminish my love for my wife and the mother of my children. I can't say that I am 50/50 right in the middle bi, but around 55/45 or maybe 60/40.

I want her to feel free to do what feels right without a thought to whatever other people may say.

Thanks for reading. I haven't been able to get this out to anyone else but my wife for years. It feels good to put it down on virtual paper.

I'm sure that if I had memorized the terms this would have been much easier to say.
 
There are several fairly large poly groups in Florida as I understand it.
I suggest doing a bit of research to find them (meetup.com as a start). Meeting other people interested in or participating in poly seems like it would open a social group of people who could improve the chances of you meeting like-minded folk in your general area.
 
Greetings Scott,
Welcome to our forum. Please feel free to lurk, browse, etc.

LovingRadiance gave good suggestions; I can give more (links and stuff) if you're interested. Let me know.

I must say, we commonly see an M/F couple with a wife who's bi, but not so often with a husband who's bi. It's too bad you can't get legally married in a poly way. Maybe someday, a ways after the SSM battles have been fought and won.

Hope you guys find just the right person for you!
Sincerely,
Kevin T., "official greeter" :)

Notes:

There's a *lot* of good info in Golden Nuggets. Have a look!

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Welcome aboard!
 
If you find the right person and do not settle, life can be great. We are married for 43 and most of that time was spent with our girlfriend. We were looking for a woman were felt a friendship with and was sexual adventuresome. We tried with a few of my wife's girlfriends and hit the jackpot with her best friend. We never had a problem and there never was any jealousy.

We are glad that we waited and did not settle for the first woman we had good sex with. We are unaware of anyone who had a poly relationship with the same person for as long as we did. All our of couple friends who had sex with people outside of their marriage in various formats, got divorced and marriage multiple times. Seems that if you look long enough you do find someone better and then someone better than that, ad infinitum. We were perfect for each other and kept it that way. We each gave to the others, what they needed and took the same from them.

We never met anyone else who had a poly relationship with the same person for as long as we did. It can work for you if you find the right person. Do not rush into it because you want it to happen so much that you are willing to settle. That never ends well.
 
@LovingRadiance Thanks for the info. I was able to find a meetup group about 40 minutes away. I mentioned it to my sweet mistress, but she is still a little hesitant (you know don't rock the boat).

We had another long talk yesterday on my birthday whereby in a roundabout way she admits that there is something missing. With her sexy clothes at dinner she confirmed what I have been seeing for years, a lot of looks and smiles from men. She would notice the women looking with interest, if she was bi. We would already be poly now for many years, because she has had many offers over the years. Long story... she agreed to take off her ring and be more receptive toward her admirers.

Her biggest hurdle still is what other people think. In our house with 3 members of LGBT, Really!? To be fare, she has been in the customer service business all her life. She has to care what people think for work.

@maxnsue Great advise, we are both committed to each other. We are taking it easy and weighing our options. One thing is clear she needs someone who can man handle her in the bedroom. I'm just too sub.

@kdt26417 Thanks Official Greeter! About my being bi, I think it goes a little deeper than sexual preference. I have a bit of a gender issue in that I don't feel completely male. I can't put a label on it. I feel sometimes that I would love to "wear" a woman's body for a week or a month. I know all the women just said, "Yeah, buddy! Go a month and see how you feel during your period." Anyway that would be cheating the system, because there is a lot of crap that a girl goes through on her way to womanhood. The biggest societal issue I have had is the lack of changing tables in the mens' restroom. I have no idea how gay couples coped with their poopy babies!
 
Yes my wife has a bit of the same problem

We have been married for 18years and 60 now.We live on a sailing boat and have done for most of that time. We sail around and have a very nice life.We dont want to change that.In bed we are not so successful. She has told me of her life befor me.And even said often she would have a different lover every night. And me I slept with 3 women befor my wife now. But with lots of men when I was young. I do know I can please men more . She knows too_Our life keeps us fit and active. We dont want to give up and just get old.
Last year a friend and his wife split up. We said if he wanted to get away for a few weeks, he could stay with us for a few weeks. He did. And after a bottle of wine one night. Well we all three landed in the same bed. He didnt mind but found it strange we both wanted to touch him. But he soon got used to it. And he stayed for 10 weeks in the end. He went back to work and his wife in the end.We were devastated we both felt sad and a bit lost.
So we tried to find somebody via internet date sites. My wife cant be open about it yet with other people. But she loves the idea of us having another man.
And thats how I came across polyamory. By accident. But we love the idea . Finding another 60ish guy who wants to be in such a relationship might be hard. But we try
 
Hey Scott

I recommend she leave the rings on. I recommend you go shop together. Try together together and her a bit separate, but I've seen both work.

I been involved with a number of couples as a sort of advisor-trainer pick another label, but not the guy Staying at the the party.

I am a big believer that a few women and a much larger circle of men all living together is the ideal. The men get to have buddies, build shit, make companies. I help build one circle in CA that started with a wannabe dom who ended up subhubby and a sub wife who discovered she was Very bi but also a fan of double and triple penetration.

We would eat and drink at upscale hotels and the girls would scout the room, then after they agreed on a man- men would make subhubby go make the initial pitch (?) what do I call it.

It humiliated him, amused them and over time gathered a wonderful group of men who were all quite dominant, liked that they were getting two women and a fluffer-butler.

In the end a second couple with the same dynamic one or solo bi girl joined and they ended with 10 alphas, two sub men, and four bi women. Bought a farm and I will leave it at that.

Florida has more freaks than the circus. I say go up market when you are out hunting, scouting recruits or whatever the new term is these days. Many years ago I was in a sexual therapy group and it finally came time to tell my story. Jaws dropped, eyes bugged and finally someone threw the Bullshit card on the table. The therapist knew me and didn't say a word. I sat thinking of how to explain this when one of the black members a self confessed player jumped in and said, "Dis ain't no bull. Rich white guys like this one make me look like a fucking choirboy!"

The therapist who knew my history, nodded her head.

Florida is very kink friendly. Leave the rings on and be upfront. You'll find plenty of people likely already on the next page and more than happy to join whatever program you and your wife have dreamed up.

Best of luck to you.
 
Trying To Get Her Feet(?) Wet

We are still in negotiations. She took off the ring then put it back on and back off again. We are coming up on 20 years. It is just a little hard for her to let go of her social propaganda. She has agreed to start flirting. For now I have her convinced that I am serious.

I really like the the club scenario and poly farm too for that matter.

I really am a sub, but I can fix more things than most men I meet. I am a bit torn between the "male" things I do and the "female" things I do. I like considering myself domestic, but that includes replacing the toilet or sewing canvas grocery bags.
 
Maybe it doesn't matter all that much how much you identify as male versus female? You can even identify as genderfluid if you want. It's your right to choose.

I take it your wife is nervous about trying this poly idea? How can we help? Would your wife be willing to get her own account on Polyamory.com and interact with us, or even just read this thread and see what questions/concerns she has?

Maybe she just needs some time to get used to the idea?

In any case, we're here to help.
Sincerely,
Kevin T.
 
Warming Up

My forced chastity is feeding my needs. I have been thinking about this for 10-15 years, but since last spring and off and on lock-up I'm in overdrive. I need to give her a chance to catch up.

Now she is quitting cigarettes with a whole new ball of wax (sometimes spelled whacks lol.) I am happy for the extra time she is willing to give me in old age.

It makes me think about how the others will handle the loss of one of us. I survived cancer twice almost exactly 11 years ago now. All the forecasts looked like I would go first, and if I do I want her to be taken care of. The other day she asked me if I would go on if she died. In my mind I thought of our husband and I grieving together, but I said I would be crushed.

I would like her to know that I want her to live out the rest of her days with all the experiences and people that make her happy. That is exactly how I felt in the beginning. At least I know that I haven't changed too much.
 
Re: forced chastity ... I had not heard about that. Could you elaborate?

Re: quitting cigarettes ... has got to be incredibly hard to do, so no wonder if she is feeling a little stressed.

Re: death ... sucks, and I am selfish. I want to be the first member of my V to pass away. Don't want to be a bereaved survivor.

Re: your wishes for your wife ... are good and noble and seem fine to me.
 
Not a BDSM Forum

I have tried not to get too much into the BDSM stuff, but there are these chastity devices made of plastic, metal, or recently silicon. These suckers are sometimes hard or extremely hard to get off the little guy to masturbate.

Mine is a hybrid of a stainless steel knock off of a CB-6000s and the original plastic tube or cage part. The plastic base ring is a bit uncomfortable and the metal cage part is not usually of the quality of metal to withstand the inevitable contact with urine and sweat. I used the stainless steel cock base ring with the plastic spacer and plastic tube and the WolfDog padlock from the knock off. I was using a chrome plated decorative lock, but it was too easily picked.

The original base ring from the authentic source is better than the knock off for long term use in terms of comfort, but there is a weak point in the holes for the pins. This leads to pinching and scratching and sores. I still have to get out for cleaning every two days or sooner depending on my sweaty activities.

Cleaning is the key. I read a horror story of a sub with a terrible infection that took a month to clear up. Safe sex is not just condoms anymore.
 
... looked like I would go first, and if I do I want her to be taken care of...

This was actually one of the realizations that led to MrS's epiphany re: poly with Dude... If he were gone, would he want me to be alone and unhappy or have the comfort of someone that loved me (and him)? If he would want me to be happy and have someone loving and supporting me, then why would he want me to wait until he was GONE to enjoy this love and support?
 
Just so I won't be confused as a guy giving advice

We are still in negotiations.

My god man! Gawd has commanded she submit and obey! There is no negotiation here. Stamp down your Jimmy Choo's and telling in your best wimpy whiny voice!

just a little hard for her to let go of her social propaganda.

What is good for the goose is good for the Ganda (but you might need to fix that autocorrect-spell checker.)

Mine turned female's need into female' sneed. Which Mr. Switerland straightened me out on.

Elance.com? I am sure you could outsource the propaganda writing to someone more qualified.

She has agreed to start flirting.

Yes, but with whom?


torn between the "male" things I do and the "female" things I do. I like considering myself domestic, but that includes replacing the toilet or sewing canvas grocery bags.

OK replacing the toilet probably needs to go into the water sports part of this site unless it involves full coprophila (which I think has something to do with coconuts ie copra, but keying has pointed out I can unqualified here because I am Off my Nut)

Canvas shopping bags? I hope the fuck they have lace borders at least. The canvas part makes me thing this is more of a Bull Dkye thing (I believe these are large boxy women wearing a large strap on and are retaining water. Oh Mr Switzerland could you check your Dutch dictionary?)

Go have a drink at a nice hotel and just play the "I think he is handsome" game.

Negotiations!?! With a woman? Next thing I'll start hearing some BS like they have minds of there own, and rights (which I believe means she is only allowed Republican lovers), they'll be letting them in our schools. Then we will all get cooties.
 
I have tried not to get too much into the BDSM

The problem with an acronyms is what each letter stand for BD ball deprivation?
Boy Dumb Smart Man googles gives me so many choice I just end up being more confused.

stuff, but there are these chastity devices made of plastic, metal, or recently silicon. These suckers are sometimes hard or extremely hard to get off the little guy to masturbate.

Having never been on that side of the equation, I am not expert but CBT devices I believe are for your own good. Masturbating makes you go blind and grow hair on your palms. jesus < lower case is Baby Jesus ... What are they teaching children in schools these days

Safe sex is not just condoms anymore.

The ONLY safe sex is locked in a monastic cell (search airbnb! monastic ) with that CB6000 locked on and oven mitts taped on with industrial strength duct tape ( or duck tapes as de redneck call it) lights off, I do mean pitch black, and pure fantasizing.

Now speaking to the fem side of you, the oven mitts so get a lovely shine on the chrome finish.
 
Dickdomin! Down boy! [spray spray spray] Get back on your nut! and slide that cheese back onto your cracker!

Re (from subHubby):
"I have tried not to get too much into the BDSM stuff, but there are these chastity devices made of plastic, metal, or recently silicon. These suckers are sometimes hard or extremely hard to get off the little guy to masturbate."

Ohhh ... okay, I get the idea. Sorry if I was prying, just not up on my BDSM terminology.

(And Dickdomin's confused because he's trying to look up BDSM in his Dutch dictionary.)
 
Light with a bit of serious on the side

Dickdomin!

(And Dickdomin's confused because he's trying to look up BDSM in his Dutch dictionary.)

Yes if I only had the two Dutch girls who were here in the spring, though given the linguistic family I suppose the Norweign ladies who just left might be useful.

Poly wannabe

I and not very experienced in this. I have cuckolded few than 150 husbands and helped well a few more, but I have noticed some things that work.

Since your wife is on board with the flirting, take to a hotel bar. The good majority of men there are there on business and usually traveling alone.

Since your wife has been highly resistant, I am going to hold my riding crop firmly in hand and tell you baby steps.

The first few times make it clear to her you are just going out for drinks. She does not have to start flirting, more looking over the herd and seeing if there is anything there on the hoof which she finds appealing.

When you do sit down, and I'll assume you know her taste in men, but while the visual is so important to men, women seem far more interested in the mind and a mans ability to carry his end of the convo.

But take you time before sitting down and let her take the chair next to the men. Reassure her, you are just having a drink and looking things over. A few drinks will loosen her up. DO not get her drunk. Do not push. Be very supportive of her taking the time she needs. You are there to serve her.

Traveling salesmen are good at the "cold call" so let them do the work, just be friendly and open to them and be welcoming if they open a conversation.

Do not make you wife do the talking. Let her just sit in the middle and listen until she wants to say something on her own.

The more times you do this simple exercise, the more she will get used to. Over time the right guy who sparks her fancy will show up and more likely he will have a room.

I will also recommend you buy the a present, which is a massage. You need to call the person or agency first and meet and screen the masseurs.

Tell them you wife prefers a male. Some one mature. If anyone says older, tell them that is not what you mean, but someone who is gentlemanly.

When you meet with the masseur, if an agency then privately away from the establishment.

In any case you need to let this man know, you would like this to be done at your home (if you have children) then find a hotel a bit away from where you live. I know this can get a bit costly, but it really works.

Nearly half of my executive clients were referrals from other executives who wanted to "loosen" their wives up. The new husband would mention a happy ending and I would ask him ”How happy?" Which is sort of code for am I using my fingers or other parts of my body. I always explained that I only did bareback. Regularly saw physician, because of my work and was regularly checked, but on the whole most of my lovers-clients were not women who dated or had numerous lovers.

In every case the husband wanted other parts and understood I would be cumming in his wife. I always made them buy a Set of Massages, because some women take a bit of time to get used to as happy an ending as the husbands were looking for. I say this because you wife sounds like she might fall into that group.

For me, because I my looks and ability to make women relax, I was able in most cases to give her a delightful ending during the first session, but it am very tuned to women and always happy to take my time, which makes her more relaxed. If I saw any tightening or pulling back from what I was doing I would back off (this does not mean stop the massage, but change location. On her odd) I would also ask her questions. Again this allowed her to feel she was the center and it was her needs and wishes which were being followed.

So buying a set of four or five (you get discounts if you buy more and pay up front) is a good idea, but there is also chemistry.

There are some women I just did not click with sexually. Now NYC while only a minor burg, does seems to have a few male masseurs, I would always recommend them to my clients that I did not click with.

These were very well heeled men and more times than not, they were giving me money as a thanks for the assistance and advice, even if. I was not givng the happy ending.

A few month of these things, and your wife will likely be seeing how close she can get her ankles to her ears.

Best of luck

Also vacations, where she is far from home is a place where women often let their hair down.
 
I would add

First pardon the typos, but I am using an iPad with a virtual keyboard. It seems letters are often missed and the auto correct frequently prefers "Dutch word” to my American English, though I do have an excellent grasp of the mother tongue as spoke across the pond. The Dutch reference JFYI was my auto correct turning

Woman's need (spelled correctly I might add) into woman' sneed

It seems a bit of liberal use with a ridincrop and my iPad has now determined the Dutch girls have left the building.

Back to the Real purpose of my addition:

My shortest set was Ten, which was buy ten and get one extra. I was also on average twice as expensive as the general market

Many of these husband were looking for multiple partners for their wives and in those cases they bought sets of twenty (get22) somewhere around the fifth massage I would send in one of my friends, then return for a few and send in another different one. Most of these husband' spit me one a yearly and managed in most cases to have their companies pay ... I did love that Uncle Sam/IRS was picking up half the tab, but that is off topic and the moderators here have already swatted me a few times.

I mention this because I do not know your situation, but suspect you are looking for your wife to get used to multiple lovers

In most of the yearly retainers, we worked up to what is referred to in the trade as a four hands massage, which I think by its name is rather obvious. In about 90% the wives began to insist that ALL her future massages were a minimum of four hands and a good number asked if six or eight hands might be arranged.

These are things you can keep in mind. We had a physician or two on board (yes and their wife's) to write prescriptions for "therapy" and smooth the way for the company to foist the bill on to there insurance coverer.

I hope this will give you some additional useful information.
 
Wife quitting smoking

First I suspect your auto correct has been paying attention and wax is quite advanced in the BDSM realm, while whacks are beginner level intro to BDSM 101.

Your wife' squatting smoking may trigger and "oral need fixation response' and while food is often the common go to, just oral stimulation is much better for the waistline.

I have trained a number of women to be able to achieve orgasm in herself by giving oral pleasure. But beware, this can often cause rather severe addiction to wanting to give oral stimulation to other men. I know it is tragic that some therapies have side effects.

We in the "health professions" do our best to handle these developments.

This comes under tonsil massage and is also a rather advanced technique.
 
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