Polyamory and Ethnicity

Re (from opalescent):
"[opalescent pinky swears friends with Kevin] ... A pinky swear friendship is srs bidness among my people!"
Click to expand...

Damn! It's official now. I solemnly submit to this new oath. ;)

@YouAreHere ... uh yep, it sure seem cray cray to me. Love your post in general. Humans are always interesting in their odd -- cray cray way.

@Dirtclustit (Dusty is fine too if you prefer) ... I'm running ever more out of words (guess that four-post post sucked my own wind right out of me), and can't even think of specific replies to your specific comments.

It sounds like I'm part of some kind of reeeally big conspiracy, and that I'm an out-and-out asshole besides. (I got that part.) I purportedly smile/laugh in the face of the pain I (try to?) cause other people, and I seemingly post articles in online magazines which comes to me as quite a surprise.

I hope you won't too much hold it against me if I keep gradually creeping back out of our admittedly-interesting-but-kinda-scary conversation. I know you won't think it's sincere but I do apologize for any hurt, pain, or fear I have caused you. Not intended I swear; it's just me and my twisted sense of humor again.

You need not run from me; I won't block you and will always be interested to read your posts. And I hope you'll believe me when I say I've no intention of contracting a hit on you! Jeezh, didn't I mention I wasn't into that violence sort of thing? So your position is safe here on Polyamory.com; I won't try to challenge or threaten it.

I don't want to do my worst; I just want to tiptoe away. That's my current battle plan. I need to slink away so that some other abuser :( can take my place. Time for this abuser to clock out.

Believe it or not there's at least five other people who find me as despicable as you (I take it) find me: namely, my late wife's kids. Sigh. They'd definitely put a bullet in my head if they had the chance and thought they could get away with it. Actually they'd be more likely to crucify me or something if they thought they could get away with it.

I thank you for giving me the okay to continue to express my opinions (or lies, or whatever they are), even if you gave the okay in a less-than-warm-and-fuzzy manner. It's still the best thing to do. None of us (except the mods) on this forum can stop each other from saying this or that anyway.

Anywayz yeah, I'm gonna zip the lip for awhile now, and try to talk a leedle bit less in the future. Hope that helps.
 
This thread is being temporarily closed while mods discuss some of the unrelated posts that are taking away from the point and purpose of the thread.

The thread is re-opened for continued discussion on the topic of polyamory and racial minorities (including other types of minority status that can affect or can relate to the base topic).
Please remember that this board does have guidelines for appropriate posting. All posters are expected to have read and understood those guidelines before posting and are accountable for any posts that they make which don't meet those guidelines.
 
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Thanks guys. I've gotten a lot out of most of this thread, and would have been sad to see it closed permanently. I'll try to encourage everyone (e.g. myself) to stay on-topic.

Sincerely,
Kevin T.

P.S. I'll re-read the guidelines too before posting any further here.
 
Okay, here's two links worth taking a look at:

The first link is especially useful as it directly addresses this thread's topic. The second link adds some commentary about why we have such a freakin' hard time deciding what to call each other and various things. Still somewhat relevant, but it's the first link that you'll especially want to look at.

Regards,
Kevin T.
 
Its really not an issue for the OP to alter the topic or even for it to get derailed in so much as it makes sense and follows some train of thought-mods really don't care.
There are lots of threads that end up being conversational in nature and that's totally cool.
But not when someone starts being hostile (to simplify it).
;)
 
That sounds like a wise policy to me LR! Luckily the topic is "large and fuzzy enough" to accomodate a tangent or three. But like you said, when things go from off-topic to ugly, that's when any thoughtful mod would want to step in and help out somehow. Things were getting so full of negative energy, and had departed virtually 100% from the topic's home planet. So thanks to you mods for taking some timely action that helped us all take a deep breath and start afresh.
 
And now for today's tangent this Christmas season ... :)

Yesterday I watched "Remember the Titans" for the first time. Very cool and enjoyable show (and this is coming from a guy who hardly knows a thing about football). Adding it to my list of faves; highly recommended.

Doesn't have a lot to do with the original post but it does address the problem of racial issues -- and is based on a true story. I got choked up on the hospital scene, so keep your kleenexes handy just in case.
 
Minorities in poly

I've begun to notice that the majority of poly members are white, with little to know minorities(especially asians from what I've seen)

A friend and I were having this discussion on fetlife and it makes me wonder a few things as a minority myself.

1. Are there any minority people on this board?

2. Do you know of any minorities that are poly.

3. Why do you think that there are not many of them out there? Why do they seem to be so scarce? Is it cultural or something else?
 
This is a long and much-discussed topic among several of the email lists I belong to. According to a few researchers who have looked into this, some of the reasons minorities seem to be scarce in poly communities are:

Intersectional oppression: a white person, especially a white middle class, college educated person (ie, the stereotypical poly person) risks less coming out as or IDing as poly because they are not already facing significant oppression do to their race or other minority status.

Other forms of non-monogamy: Many groups that are not widely represented in poly spaces do practice non-monogamy, but their approach to non-monogamy is different than the poly approach, and so they do not feel comfortable IDing as poly.

The popular perception (pushed by some media representations) of poly folk as well off (beautiful) white people makes people who feel they don't fit the stereotype avoid poly spaces, assuming they don't belong/won't fit.

I have met poly folk of several racial, ethnic and religious minorities over the years.
 
I'm Asian. And isn't the definition of minority that they are, well, the minority?
 
Yeah, the definition of a minority is that they are a minority, but when you go to a poly convention in Atlanta and the turnout is over 90% white, it's a red flashing neon sign that the poly community is even more dominated by white-folk than demographics would suggest.
 
For quite a bit more convo on this topic, see:

Re (from OP):
"Are there any minority people on this board?"
Click to expand...

Yes. Not sure how many -- but some.

Re:
"Do you know of any minorities that are poly?"
Click to expand...

I can think of six Polyamory.com members for sure right now: poly6 and Candiedlove (obviously), london, Hades36, ProfBlkMaleSeekingWife, and free. Heh, and multiple people have pointed out that we're all probably hopelessly mixed as far as our "pure ethnicity" is concerned.

Re:
"Why do you think that there are not many of them out there? Why do they seem to be so scarce? Is it cultural or something else?"
Click to expand...

This is just what I've gathered so far -- but it's almost as if "polyamory" is a "white man's word" -- not really desirable for a person of color (even if they're practicing a relationship model that looks very much like "polyamory").

And there are the other reasons pointed out so far -- such as already being "outcast" due to minority ethnicity, so why add "poly" to that and become even more outcast; imperfect fit; general statistics; discomfort due to not fitting the poly stereotype; etc.

Re (from JessicaBurde):
"Yeah, the definition of a minority is that they are a minority, but when you go to a poly convention in Atlanta and the turnout is over 90% white, it's a red flashing neon sign that the poly community is even more dominated by white-folk than demographics would suggest."
Click to expand...

Aha ... just as I suspected.
 
JessicaBurde said:
Yeah, the definition of a minority is that they are a minority, but when you go to a poly convention in Atlanta and the turnout is over 90% white, it's a red flashing neon sign that the poly community is even more dominated by white-folk than demographics would suggest.
Click to expand...

I'm not sure there are a lot of studies, but I'm surprised by that info. I've only frequented online communities.
 
I'm Chinese, but I'm not sure if I'd have embraced poly had I stayed in China. Maybe I would, but much later in life and with much greater difficulties. Poly visibility is very low in China (there isn't even a widely accepted Chinese word for polyamory; there's only "open relationship" which isn't very well known either), and the culture is very poly-unfriendly. Consensual non-monogamy is beyond most people's comprehension; cheating is much easier for them to understand and accept. I suspect other East Asian cultures are poly-unfriendly to a similar degree, because individual freedom isn't valued highly in these collectivist cultures. Conformity to social norms and stability of families are much more important than "free love."
 
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Hey everyone! It's been a long time since I was on this board, even as a lurker. But, yeah, so i see you folks are still talking about the minorities in poly thing? Cool!

I have actually found a small, secret cabal of minorities in Philly who are poly. They often also intersect with a few other local Alternative Lifestyle subcultures.

In general, I think most people are freaked out by poly, regardless of their race, ethnicity, gender, or culture. Its just not who we are as a nation, at least not in the surface and not in polite company.

But, yes, there are minorities practicing poly. I don't know if they really call it that, but it's happening in secret circles here and there just like everywhere else. Maybe its not as formalized and public as it is with White culture? But basically what you find, at least among Black people, is a guy who has a number of women who all know about each other and accept that their man has multiple lovers, or the reverse...a woman who has a number of guys she is seeing and they all know about each other but have chosen to remain intimate with that woman despite not being her exclusive lover.

You hear things like, "Oh, him? That's my friend. I have a lot of friends, but I'm free to do what I want."

I think that, no matter who you are, its a damned hard life to live unless you are with a poly partner and also have other poly people in your life. It's like being a fraction of a fraction of a fraction of the population.
 
Well shit I must have hit the lottery.
Black (mixed but not really all that significant. Native American but not much), pan (huuuge leaning towards women), poly :p. Really only out on the internet minus facebook (family on it).

From my observations I find that it's just better to keep my mouth shut. Hell I use the term SO instead of gf, and I feel like shit for that.
Small town, majority small minds. Small minds talk about other people, I'm not about to invite some shit stirring my way. I do have to work here until next year where I'll be in the city an hour away.
 
Heh, greetings Hades36, good to see you again. :D

I think one's "poly visibility" (or likelihood to be practicing a poly life) is actually influenced by a complex array of factors, for example not just one's ethnicity but also what part of the world one lives in. I believe Eponine spoke well when she contrasted a world of collectivist culture against a world of individualist culture.

Perhaps this is off-topic and uncomfortable for me to ask, but, I am wondering if white folks have (up until now) felt more free to be openly gay than folks of color. What I'm driving at is, is it a "white man's tradition" to attend sexually innovative conventions (and potlucks) and to march in parades? Heck is any of this related to the 70's when it was much easier for white students to get into famous colleges and then come to fight for social change in the environment of those colleges? Maybe if the social order pushes some people onto a relatively blue-collar career path, those people won't have time for the kind of crusading that the privileged class congratulates itself for.

If I'm right in suggesting that, then I should note that it's probably mostly just an American (Western in general?) problem.

I mean I know minorities have sacrificed much to do marches and demonstrations for their racial rights ... yet, usually when I picture a get-together of gay people, I picture most of them being white. Is that a problem of my own personal perception, or does this poly/racial subject also relate to gay/racial matters? and kink/racial matters too, come to think of it. Even disability/racial matters. It's okay if I need a kick in the rear here for being way out of line. I just wanted to ask.

Sometimes I think that the internet is our greatest hope right now of dissolving some of the racial divides that exist (both in poly matters, and in other matters). It helps when people can't make as many assumptions about the ethnicity of the other person they've just met on their computer screen. At least that's my theory ...
 
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