Polyamory Books, Magazines, Websites

redsirenn

New member
NY times article - Pimbwe men and women

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/01/s...ewanted=1&sq=borgerhoff%20mulder&st=cse&scp=1

Interesting article about the idea that women marrying several men either consecutively or at the same time is better than a man doing the same (economically and socially).

In a study conducted in Africa by UC Davis, Pimbwe women benefit more than men by following the same behavior and are regarded higher by society than men who do the same.

Interesting... I have heard the argument in polyamory that women seem to be a driving force in changing sexual and societal roles of partnership and marriage... also that feminism has played a large role in this change.
 

vandalin

New member
I just wanted to bump this topic up as a few of the other threads had mentioned that "evil" book that Mono hates (Ethical Slut) and I was curious as to what books other people have found that are "better" or maybe that focus more on the emotional and other parts of a poly relationship besides the sex, which I agree, ES does seem to focus on. Wow! What a run on sentence! Bad me! :)
 
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Ceoli

Guest
I just wanted to bump this topic up as a few of the other threads had mentioned that "evil" book that Mono hates (Ethical Slut) and I was curious as to what books other people have found that are "better" or maybe that focus more on the emotional and other parts of a poly relationship besides the sex, which I agree, ES does seem to focus on. Wow! What a run on sentence! Bad me! :)

Honestly, most of the books I've read I've found less than useful from my perspective, though they may be useful for others. Mainly, it's because they offer a bird's eye view of poly relationships and don't offer much practical day to day, nuts and bolts advice. But also, they all seem to be written from the perspective of couples who are moving from monogamy to polyamory or for couples who are already poly and that simply doesn't apply to my situation. Poly singles aren't really on the radar.

My friend Franklin (from www.xeromag.com) is writing a book on polyamory and trying to get it published. I may be biased, but I suspect it'll be more useful for me than most of what's out there. :)
 

rubyfish

New member
Book and Website Recommendations

My husband and I are taking baby steps into polyamory. Everything is still in the hypothetical, but I've been doing lots of research (both because I'm the poly one and I'm really rather neurotic). I was looking for some book recommendation. I'm looking for books to help my husband understand how I feel and what I want.

I just finished The Ethical Slut and it wasn't exactly what I was hoping for. I think there is great information in there about managing jealousy and emotions, but it just wasn't emphasizing what I was hoping for. I'm looking for a book that talks more about love and less about sex, because that's me. Sex is nice and all, but for me it's about love and connection. No offense to anyone with other view points, but I was hoping there was a book that was more in tune with me.

Thanks so much,

Ruby
 
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LovingRadiance

Active member
Just today I read the following recommendations on other threads here:

Living Happily Ever After-Marsha Sinetar
The 6 Pillars of Self-Esteem-Nathaniel Brandon
Divine Sex:liberating sex from religious tradition-Philo Thelos

I know Mono had posted another because he didn't like the Ethical Slut-but I can't recall what thread it was on. You might pm him....
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
Why not the Ethical Slut?

This is the book I most recommend so far for those that want to explain polyamory to someone.

Polyamory:
The New Love Without Limits

http://www.lovewithoutlimits.com/books.html


Here is my reasoning for not recommending the Ethical Slut or even the book Opening Up.

Both the above books are more directed at those that want to open up. They are less sensitive to a person who is trying to understand why their partner needs this.

The New Love Without Limits, although less in depth and simplistic, does a better job of explaining the multiple "loving" aspect of polyamory in my opinion.

The "Ethical Slut" reads like a how-to to fuck lots of people in a mature responsible way.

Opening Up is a book for couples who want to open up.

A lot of times we are dealing with people who do not want to open up. This requires a great deal of clarity, sensitivity, and understanding of their perspective when presenting the reasons for how and why their partner wants/needs and can even have multiple loves.

I'm not sure of a book specifically designed for those people..the ones looking at their partners with broken hearts, feeling loss, inadequate or replaced.
I don't mean to sound dramatic..but that is what we are dealing with.

Peace and Love
Mono
 
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AutumnalTone

New member
Heh. The New Love Without Limits is a book I recommend people avoid because it has far too much New Age fluff crust to truly be useful, in my opinion.

Jenny Block's book, Open: Love, Sex and Life in an Open Marriage, is an interesting place to start.

I also recommend Opening Up, by Tristan Taormino. Of the books I've read on polyamory (and I've not read all available, as yet) this is the one I think provides better coverage and discussion of all aspects of non-monogamy, which helps provide a better understanding of how polyamory fits in with other forms of non-monogamy.

Thomas Moore's The Soul of Sex is a book I found quite interesting. It doesn't deal specifically with polyamory, and has quite a lot to do with relationships and marriage.
 

MonoVCPHG

New member
Heh. The New Love Without Limits is a book I recommend people avoid because it has far too much New Age fluff crust to truly be useful, in my opinion.

.

Your comments are echoed to me by many poly people I know Seventh Crow. Fasciniating how a mono mind can look at the same words differently. Not that all monos see things my way. Thanks for giving some more ideas for reading :)
 
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Ceoli

Guest
Fasciniating how a mono mind can look at the same words differently.

Honestly, I don't think it has much to do with a "mono mind" reading it versus a "poly mind". I think it just has to do with whether people like to swallow that kind of writing or not.

I also think there's not that much difference between a mono and poly mind.
 

AutumnalTone

New member

LuvNWonder

New member
Back to books? :)

Reading "Opening Up:" others have mentioned it and it seems standard fare in Poly reading these days.

I'm also reading "The Ethical Slut" and while Luv and I do have *monster* libidos I consider much of the book to be parenthetical to my poly thinking. Focused *entirely* on what I feel is a wonderful *part* of the experience.

Here are two that are not primarily poly but about self and relationships and I feel they are going to help greatly. Both give a nod to the fact that the relationships to which their techniques might be applied do not have to be standard monogamous in nature:

"Boundaries and Relationships" by Charles L. Whitfield, M.D. - Subtitled "Knowing, protecting and enjoying the Self" about figuring out what you really want and being able to stand by that and communicate it to others.

"How to be a couple and still be free" by Tina Tessina, Ph.D and Riley K. Smith, M.A. is (in my mind) a continuation of the boundaries book in that it is about negotiating and designing the relationship that you want in combination with your partners. Which as I see it is the next step after actually figuring out what you want, and why.

"On Love and Loneliness" by J. Krishnamurti - a series of dialogs investigating our intimate relationships with ourselves, others, and society. This book operates at a very metaphysical level that I enjoy, but may offer less in the area of tangible practices or real life situations.

The "Tao Te Ching". Philosophy of how things work at their most basic level. It works to keep me grounded and centered and understand the things that happen as natural and part of the flow of life, now matter how tumultuous they appear to be.

Not a book, but I'd always recommend some form of meditation activity. Benefits accrue in almost every area of your life if you can reset your thoughts once or twice a day.
 
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Ceoli

Guest
Two books that I really like about relationships in general are:

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. It's very Christian in it's background, but still has a lot of great insights.

Living Sensationally: Understanding your Senses by Winnie Dunn. This isn't a relationship book really, but I feel it applies a lot to relationships because it talks about how our sensory processing can be different and understanding such processing differences can really help to understand our partners better.
 

redpepper

New member
Radical Honesty-by Dr. Brad Blanton

I actually don't read (this forum takes me forever!! :eek: Dyslexia), but my husband does and is enjoying this one. I didn't know it was a book until this week when he bought it.

I have no opinion, but thought it might interesting as "radical honesty" seems to be a "poly" catch-phrase.
 

River

New member
Are there enough book readers here who would agree that some sort of book discussion forum in these fora would make sense? It could be a forum with each new topic being a book under discussion. A group read thing, maybe?
 

ImaginaryIllusion

Administrator
Are there enough book readers here who would agree that some sort of book discussion forum in these fora would make sense? It could be a forum with each new topic being a book under discussion. A group read thing, maybe?

Actually sounds like something to be added to the new site format...possibly as an initial article possibly with a blog to follow up and keep updating as new material comes out.
 

RickPlus

New member
BOOK REVIEW:
"Open: Love, Sex & Life in an open marriage", by Jenny Block, Seal Press, (c) 2008, ISBN 978-1-58005-241-2, 276 pages.

This is a very easy read, well written and literate. It is first an autobiographical story of a woman and why she eventually chose to open up her marriage with her husband. It is a touching and very human narrative.

It is also a polemic - the author is bitter about the cultural brainwashing that forced her into a monogamous marriage which did not well serve her. It also rails against the bigotry that she has faced from people who find out about her marriage. (She lives in the south of the USA.)

The author's experiences are very different from those of me or my wife. This limits the enthusiasm that I can bring to this book. After the 10th time she talks about society programming her and other young girls I felt, "I got the message, move on please". However, I totally understand her reasons for this strategy. She demolishes the fables used to prop up the standard reasons / dreams supporting the 'get married to the right guy and living happily ever after' myth.

It is an fun read. Mixed in with her interesting and human story are references to scientific studies. She has an opinion and is not afraid to do the leg work to find evidence to prove it.

Another thing that I very much like about this book is an after-word by her husband. After hearing her side of the story for a couple hundred pages, it was touching to have him have a say.

I would strongly recommend this book to anyone who feels that society is this weight squeezing them into a place that they are not happy about. It also gives a practical example of a fairly conservative, open marriage.

I do not think that this book is the only book someone who is interested in polyamory should get. There are many issues that it does not discuss. (The author spends almost no time talking about jealousy as it was not a big problem in her relationship, for example.) However, for what it sets out to do, it does very, very well.

Warm regards, Rick.
 
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